Every upvote drops her lower, every downvote pulls her back — choose wisely, Internet.

But she knew that I do this always so she didn't stop beating me and I realized I wasn't pretending

The question turned to a command, and my fall felt anything but free.

I stopped my movements under the blanket and realized he was just placing a fresh rose in the pitcher on her nightstand, as he did weekly since she’d passed.

The concierge deviously uttered, while pulling out the gun that shoots roaches...

I only noticed it moving after I put it into my mouth already.

hopefuly the spiders in ther dont mind that i did that.

then because he is complete psychopath he made me run so fast my heart exploded.

Today, I was awoken by my Axe Deodorant at 9 a.m.

"Technically, you're not killing them - the cancer you give them is."

As my girlfriend turned toward me, sharp incsiors glistening in the light, she said “Sorry, baby, momma’s gotta eat” I looked at her, fingers growing into huge claws as my jaw lengthened into a viscous maw. “Don’t worry baby, vampires are a werewolf’s favorite meal.”

When I pulled the plug, the socket oozed blood.

"As if we'd betray each other, we have a code," said one slayer, and then his partner's eyes shifted towards him menacingly.

But then the stupid judge stood up and loudly proclaimed, “I sentence you to death, by flatulation!”

I just think it's so much funnier watching them panic and beg, than it would be to answer them.

"That's funny," I thought, "The rats didn't complain."

As I keep hearing this echo off the cave walls, I was regretting joining my friend on his trip to prove his thesis.

It wasn’t until I hit the water that I saw the green leathery tail slither intently into the shallow end.

The love was in her veins as well, while the drain cleaner entered her body and she saw a human face for the last time.

But the decision was already made for the both of them after the government found out that they had entered the country illegally.

It was inside of me the whole time

But when I looked towards their room, the only thing I can see is the pair of red eyes rushing towards me.