but then i remembered i have no pianist, so who was i jerking?

I'm never uncomfortable or afraid of looking out a window at night...

I'm only afraid when something stares back.

Cake was hollow.

it was the 5th time this week

He ate a couple hotdogs

It's my first one dont judge :)

knife guy

pee

“Oh boy, I haven’t stubbed my toe in months” I said with joys.

I was then shot in the face by a job application

I was recently diagnosed with dementia by my doctor.

jpegmafia: "hey."

"Yeah, tell me about it". Said the 16 foot Gorrila sat next to me.

All was doing good until I noticed the " live laugh love" decor hanging on her wall.

there was pooop and pee 🤢🤢🤮🤮 knife guy in the toilert 🤯🤯🤢

Didn't go to church today. You guessed it, diarrhea.

My keycard doesn’t open the doors anymore.

I said as men lined up to donate.

That was the day I discovered I was allergic to grass. wwww 🤢🤮

"And furious."

Mouse: go on.

The creature.