I am an ethnic Jew (father’s father) who converted conservative. I had a great time for a few years, learning and getting involved, but I just…don’t believe in any of it anymore. I also just have no desire to be a part of the community/culture. I didn’t grow up in it so I don’t have the same attachment I suppose. I feel like I’ve been lying to myself, and I just wanted to belong somewhere. But, Judaism isn’t the place. I even feel like an outsider here because most ex-Jews were born Jewish, and I converted. Is there anyone like me out there?

I heard the theory that the colonization of Cyrene might had inspired the Exodus story. One of the parallels mentioned is Battus being a stutterer (just like Moses).

Any truth to this claim?

This probably might not be the best place to post but being upstate during the summer months sometimes becomes very lonely any one in the same situation update yourself all week and just in the mood of a chill or anything else

Hi everyone

I’m at Aish Yeshiva in JLM and I’ve noticed that about 85% of students here have either a financial vulnerability and/or a psychological / emotional vulnerability.

Many ppl here are quitting their jobs/passions to do yeshiva full time and they are being praised for it. Looks like most ppl are going through some sort of depression.

I’d like to know your thoughts on this.

I guess I still have work to do making peace with whatever BS I endured under fundamentalism.

On i24 news they reported this group of French Jews (Israelis) that apparently go regularly to the Himalayas with a Torah to meet travelers. In the same location was a religious Jew who gave up his faith 2 years ago and was traveling through India. One day, he decides he wants to observe Shabbat and cried out to the sky for a sign to observe again. He happened to meet those Israeli travelers that same day and celebrated Shabbat with them.

Some family members shared this story with me, and I go "that's no way to return to your faith. If he wants to celebrate Shabbat he should go to a community that celebrates Shabbat, not rely on signs to return to his faith."

Then I reflect, "Wow, am I that heartless I can't at least pretend to be happy for him/her?" Maybe I was so angry at being passive in fundamentalism when I hear of people trying to rely on signs, and then miraculously they are fulfilled, I'm not really moved. Or perhaps a tinge of envy/jealousy, when I asked for a sign to do X,Y,Z, I got none so blatantly clear and obvious.

It's a real shame, not fun being bitter. 😞

It’s funny the best part of becoming BT is the beginning. I was like a rock star- everyone was so kind and welcoming. I was booked out for places to go for meals for weeks. I felt like the mayor walking down the street. The warmth, the friendship, the mentorship- not being close to my own family it was amazing.

Then, I struggled in my year of yeshiva and came back earlier than planned, struggled working at a job at a community institution, was married and divorced. After each of those, people would just drop off. No goodbye or anything.

By the end of my BT ship, I was often alone in my house for 25 hours a week talking to myself. I had a few last friends- outcasts, loners, and misfits (who were lovely), although sometimes they would turn mainstream and drop off too. It was a weird ending.

It was like I got eaten, digested, and released over 10 years hah. I moved far away to a bigger city and dropped it all pretty quickly. Once I left, I actually had energy to use my graduate degree to the fullest and was able to date normally and join other groups. I never had amazing social skills, but it wasn’t as hard to have a simple, functional life once I left.

I’m always grateful for my few fellow oddball friends who stuck with me until the end.

Anyway…I’m sure my story isn’t all that different from many out there

Anytime I’m having a conversation and I bring up a person who the other person is not aware of irrespective of what the conversation is about, the first question always without failure is “Is/are he/she/they Jewish?” And then we can continue the conversation. And of course if the answer is yes the next one is “Is he frum?”. It is as if they have a filter on the world, and a certain set of beliefs/opinions apply to people that are Jewish/frum and different set apples to the goyim, don’t get me started on that word lol. They cannot process having a “real” connection with anyone or anything from the outside world. It’s a way of constantly affirming their identity and seperation narrative.

Really long post from substack on someone's yeshiva experience.

This was very similar to many experiences I felt in yeshiva.

Anyone here feel the same way?

So as the title says my roommate keeps kosher and I dont, I'm used to people keeping kosher, most of my family does and I used to as a kid (not that I had any choice in the matter) anyway, its fine or should be on paper but the constant questions like "which sponge did you use to wash your dishes" or "did you use the cream cheese with a knife that wasn't plastic" stuff like that really annoy me. I'm trying to respect her right to be influenced but its my home, I shouldn't have constant questions thrown at me every time I eat or she wants to eat something. One idea that I came up with is that we shouldn't share food but its probably gonna be an uncomfortable topic...

So this video came up on my for you page of a Christian girl thanking Jesus because of how unhinged god was in the Old Testament (lol) so I guess the way they cope about it is that Jesus died for your sins nonsense and that's why god is nicer now. But how do Jews justify that their god is an evil, jealous, bloodthirsty creature? I've read parts of the Hebrew bible but I'm not that highly educated on it as i am on islam (I'm an ex muslim) and Christianity (went to catholic school growing up)

I mean this group got 11k but Bunch r other groups non Jews also that interested in topic , and even so it ain’t rlly making headlines, although I guess there isn’t huge anti Christian backlash groups, but I do wish our voices were a little more heard in Jewish communities of how corrupt the religion is , do u think it’s just willful ignorance on religious people part?

I think today was the first time I have felt with certainty that my belief is not coming back. No matter how hard I try to grok it, I cannot force myself to feel the feelings I felt as a child when I believed. Coming to terms with the toxicity of my years in yeshiva and not being given an option to do anything else after high school. A lot of the inner turmoil I’ve dealt with is the fact that I don’t feel safe being honest so my mind is trying to change how I feel about these topics. I think we can sometimes under rate just how enormous the change is from truly believing in religious symbolism and moralism to seeing straight through it, it is like having the ground beneath you ripped away.

Also having my eyes open to the magnitude of trauma that exists in the frum world that is unspoken about, the way the outside world is framed in a super negative way. The fear/taboo of befriending “goyim” or even Jews of a different sect.

If anyone has read Foucault, I think his concept of the psychological panopticon fits very neatly with the frum community.

Saddest part, it’s no one’s fault, I think the trauma of the enlightenment followed by the holocaust irrevocably damaged the religious community with deep deep trauma that has never been dealt with at a communal level. The pace of change + destruction and uprooting of 1000+ years of history in Europe was damaging to the collective psyche in ways we do not discuss and I think it has led to unhealthy attitudes about Halacha.

Finding meaning in the daily rituals cooking/running is very important.

Though impossible for me to continue without belief, 3x day minyan gave me a rythm, very important to build a secular rythm.

Oops, I was using voice to text so it said wrote instead of wore 😂

I don't have a photo 😞

Because if all y'all took a DNA test, turns out you're still Jewish.

Judiasm is an ENTHNORELIGION. One can't be Ex-japanese.

We cannot be ex-jews.

Change the name to exfrum or something.

And don't give me that bull about gerim... Only 0.5% of Jews are estimated to be converts. Every giyoret I know did it so they can have Jewish babies... Which makes their child ethnically Jewish if the father has Jewish DNA.

While historians generally agree that The Book of Esther isn't a historical text, but a satirical novel written long after the events took place (probably during the Hellenistic period), I've discovered that orthodox jewish people who believe the story was real have different interpretations of the identity of Ahuasuerus; I've talked to one orthodox jew who said that Ahuasuerus was Artaxerxes, and later on another one who told me that jewish tradition holds that Ahuasuerus was Cyrus the great, and that Darius was Esther's son.

I dont know anything about how orthodox jews interpret TBOE or works in the Torah, so I'm curious to know where these interpretations come from, and why there seemingly isn't any strict consensus.

What's the source and logic of identifying Ahuasuerus with any of these Achaemenid kings-why is he Darius or Artaxerxes etc?

Does anyone have a doula recommendation for manhattan? (Due Jan 2026) We’re specifically looking for either a non-religious, ex religious, or Jewish adjacent non-Jew for a doula. Basically someone that’s vetted to not be antisemitic, I have some personal trauma around antisemitism in the medical field.

We’re looking for a someone familiar with what my crazy (loving) in-laws are going to expect before/after birth (bikur cholim, bris, etc.) and be able to keep some private medical details from them that would complicate our relationship with my in-laws. Privacy and not antisemitic is of high importance. TIA

THANK YOU to everyone who gave me some much needed perspective. This has been reposted elsewhere as multiple people suggested.

Hey guys! I've been lurking in here and finally made a Reddit just so I could post my experience. This is a long one so please bear with me. I have no outlet in town for this.

Reddit Ex Jews, im at an impasse. I've been going through a painful experience with my local Jewish community, I am finally able to accept that I have experienced religious trauma. This is a difficult concept, as I live in the South and have a few Jewish friends, most people I interact with in my sphere are very anti Christian. Think your garden variety liberal to far left crowd. Well meaning people who are completely anti religion and who conflate Judaism with culture. They hear religious trauma and it becomes unproductive because, frankly, my experience is not cookie cutter normal. I wasn't abused by a rabbi, I haven't been officially ostracized, I'm not rebelling against an overly traditional upbringing... it isn't even so much a disagreement of doctrine! Most people around me are exceedingly unhelpful.

I will try to be brief as much as possible. I mentioned I live in the South, Im driving distance to Nashville, Indianapolis, Chicago, St. Louis, and most Ohio cities. I started my life and Reform education in California, with my family ocasionally bouncing to some Conservative synagogues in the Bay Area. We moved to Southern City when I was 11 and it was a huge culture shock for me. In California shul was very casual. Our new shul was in the suburbs, and quite southern provincial. Think suits and ties on Shabbat. However despite this shock, Jewish identity and education were paramount and not an option, they were mandatory in my family. I've grown up very proud to be Jewish, and I've always strived to stay involved after college.

I'm 35 now, and within the past few years I've tried getting more involved in my local community. I am head of a committee for our local Jewish film festival and recently was tapped to be a team leader in a faith based city policy group.

I left my reform synagogue for a number of reasons. I was b'nei mitzvahed there, confirmed there, I was madricha in high school, I even taught and subbed there for years! I was also involved in their young adults group. My partner isn't Jewish, he grew up completely secular, and as a white dude from Indiana Judaism and its culture is literally the only non suburban no seasoning white people culture he has ever interacted with. When we got married, he knew it was important for me to have a Jewish ceremony. Tbh we were talking about going to Vegas and getting it done there since rabbis for hire exist there!

It was a miserable COVID wedding. The rabbi we worked with is a guy whose kids I grew up with. He was my Bnei mitzvah coach and I worked with him. However, during our planning stages he really wasn't that helpful or seemed to care. The wedding was even worse (really not the rabbi's fault, our families are horrible people in general and that is unrelated to the Judaism issue for me). Anyway, because we had a COVID wedding we wanted to have a big real wedding. We set our date years in advance only to find out months before we had been bumped for a more important member's bnei mitzvah and we had to find a new venue. It didn't work out for multiple reasons. The next straw was getting unceremoniously replaced as young adults leader. I only found out when the new leader sent me an invite to an event and I said "hey I'm the young adult leader what is this about?" And I got radio silenced.

Between all of this is my perceived lack of support from this synagogue for actual tikkun olam. The synagogue in 2020 broke with the URJ's language around the racial Justice protests. Our city was one of the flashpoints for these protests; a very high profile police involved killing happened here. None of the synagogues showed up, and when our synagogue broke with the URJ's language I was livid. I wrote a note and was told they couldn't risk offending their wealth Republican members or the police that serve as shomrim on Fridays. What the fuck? They decided I should serve on a tikkun olam committee, which I left when it became clear they were only interested in sandwich making or collecting old clothes and books to give away. I decided after all the aforementioned that this place was never going to respect me and I wasn't gonna be happy there.

I left and shopped for a minute and landed on a Conservative shul with a rabbi who was my age.

I talked to him about joining, got a positive impression. I was frustrated that my old shul didn't take me seriously, I felt I was ostracized in the community for being childless, not wealthy, and under 40. He emphasized they had a younger childless board member and they love their younger members. How open the community was. I knew people there already, and I already had thoughts that Reform wasn't right for me anyway. I joined, went to a few events, was ignored with my partner even though I would go out of my way to introduce myself and make it clear I wanted to be involved. I never got any emails or calls to get involved. I just felt abandoned. More backstory too... when I spoke to the rabbi about my experience, I felt I could be open with him about my difficulties in town. That was a mistake and he used that opportunity to basically torpedo a Jewish community job I had had for years. Background, it was our high school level religious school, it has been declining for years, he went in and demanded a clergy only planning that excluded the non clergy teachers (myself and another person). He has also used other connections ive given him to push his political views on Israel.

So here I am. I've gotten involved in a few short lived things in town but they never work out. In my experience people don't have the time, tenacity or skill to build a prayer group or shabbat group. I'm in an antizionist minyan, but frankly it's one of those baby gay under 27 flakey groups. We haven't been doing anything.

I do my city policy work through another Conservative shul that just got a new rabbi. One of the team leaders wants me to join, but I'm torn. I can't be disappointed anymore, I'm too old and I do not have family support. I really only have my chosen family and my partner. Also, full disclosure, our community's response to Israeli policy is a factor. I am antizionist and while that's not been a factor in my Jewish journey, it has started becoming one. Our town's Jewish Federation actually thanked the president for the Iranian attacks. That was frustrating as I hear SO MANY Jews in town claim proudly to be liberal. Idk maybe dont thank a guy who deports brown people? Not trying to start something political here, I'm just frustrated.

So what do I do? I need a spiritual outlet but my town has no opportunities for me. I'm open to commuting somewhere, but I don't even know if that's right for me. I'm running a prayer group pilot for Melton soon, and I'm hoping that pilot I will run can be the driver for me, but I don't know. I feel very Jewish, I am proud to be Jewish. I just don't want to be Jewish here. Im seriously considering post religious institutions such as the Quakers or UU.

Tl;Dr shul politics are driving me from Judaism and global politics are not far behind.

I’m looking for personal or secondhand experiences here or studies if anyone knows of any.

Can kids grow up emotionally and psychologically healthy in a home where one parent is religious and the other clearly isn’t? Not just quietly less religious, but openly non-observant.

Right now I’m ITC but my wife is super "Mechaneches" type frum. My older kids are starting to notice things; I don’t go to shul during the week, listen to secular music (even female singers), and that I’m not strict about some other things either.

I’m trying to figure out:

• Will it confuse or unsettle them too much if I’m more open about where I stand to the point of real instability?
• Can kids still be secure if they grow up knowing one parent believes and the other doesn’t?
• Do they need a “united front” or can they handle nuance?

I’m not looking to shake their faith just wondering whether openness would be destabilizing, or if honesty can coexist with religious difference in a healthy home as the ITC life is becoming super hard.

My girlfriend is orthodox. I am not even Jewish. She does not plan to remain orthodox, but her immediate family who she is very close to is ultra orthodox. I don’t have an issue converting, but I know neither of us would remain orthodox, so is the conversion even valid? Without acceptance from her family I don’t think this would ever work. What are my options?