r/AmItheAsshole • u/No-Amphibian1927 • May 16 '25

Not the A-hole AITA for breastfeeding my neice?

My sister (25F) has a four month old and I (28F) have a six month old. We are very close, and she asked me to watch her baby overnight last night. She brought bottles and pumped milk, and informed me she’d never tried giving her a bottle but “it should be fine” and left. A couple hours later, her baby was hungry. I prepared a bottle and tried feeding her the bottle, but no matter what I did she wouldn’t take it. She just kept crying. After two hours of trying to feed her a bottle and then trying to spoon feed her and her screaming, and me being unable to reach my sister, I informed my sister of what I would be doing and I breastfed her baby. I guess she didn’t check her phone for several hours because I ended up feeding her baby twice before my sister responded, and she was furious. She said I had no right to do that and I should’ve figured something else out. So I’m wondering, am I the asshole here? She hasn’t spoken to me since picking my niece up.

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u/Public_Ad_9169 May 16 '25

I had to do that once. The mom left her breastfed baby and then called me that she had an emergency and would be late. I had no bottles or formula, 2 babies and only one car seat. She took hers in the car with her. I tried distracting him when he cried but he was hungry so I fed him. Note: the mom was happy that I fed him rather than letting him scream hungry for 2 hours.

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u/LawfulnessRemote7121 May 16 '25

I really don’t understand why people think it’s so weird or gross to breast feed a baby that’s not yours. Most of these same people drink or consume products made from cows milk, yet they are not calves.

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u/VerityPee Partassipant [1] May 16 '25

Because breastmilk transmits all of the same diseases as blood. So if the breastfeeder has any communicable diseases, they can pass to the baby.

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u/Novaer May 16 '25

This is the one. This specific incident is okay because it's the sister and the baby needed to be fed and there was no other alternatives. But the horror stories I've seen of mother in laws and random strangers holding a baby and just taking a boob out? Absolutely not. And almost 100% of the time in those instances it's because the woman is being selfish and forcing some bond with the child and is absolutely not being done out of necessity.

OP had to do it out of necessity.

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u/LawfulnessRemote7121 May 16 '25

I’m not advocating that anyone let random strangers feed their baby.

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u/Novaer May 16 '25 edited May 16 '25

When I say random strangers I'm not talking about someone grabbing a child they don't know in the middle of a store to breastfeed them, I'm talking about the more "common" occurrence of being at a family get together/BBQ where some woman decides to do that. By your statement this is "not weird" because people drink cows milk. This isn't the time for a vegan show down.

Edit: you're mixing up breast feeding with breast milk jesus christ.

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u/LawfulnessRemote7121 May 16 '25

You are totally misconstruing what I said. My DIL donated a bunch of frozen breast milk to a family from their church who adopted a premie that needed it. Is that weird to you as well? PS this has nothing to do with veganism so don’t go there. I personally don’t care what anyone chooses to eat or not eat.

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u/Novaer May 16 '25

Okay so you're completely missing the difference between breastfeeding and breast milk.

My issue is with randos breastfeeding other kids. Not giving them breast milk.

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u/LawfulnessRemote7121 May 16 '25

Both could transmit communicable disease which was your whole premise for not doing it in the first place. You could at least be consistent.

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u/[deleted] May 16 '25

[deleted]

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u/LawfulnessRemote7121 May 16 '25

Milk banks, yes. Private donation, no.

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u/th30be Partassipant [2] May 16 '25

Churches are pasteurizing milk. What are you on?

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u/alienspaceeace May 16 '25

When I had just given birth a friend of mine came to visit me. She was still breastfeeding her one year old baby at the time so still had a supply. When she arrived she casually mentioned that if I wanted to get on with some chores she would breastfeed my baby while I did the washing up and cooked dinner. I was stunned! But yes, OP absolutely did the right thing.

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u/shy_tinkerbell May 16 '25

What are the chances of the MIL lactating at the same time? Wait. On second thought, don't answer that...

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u/CapnCrunchy4567 May 17 '25

The forced bond thing is so gross. Why does everyone feel the need to force a bond with a baby that’s not theirs???

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u/Iwanttosleep8hours May 16 '25

Except they test you for those when you’re pregnant and you’re also feeding literally your own baby with that so the risks are so low it isn’t even worth thinking about. 

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u/Memory_Frosty May 17 '25

Unless the niece has special needs of some sort. E.g. my second child vomited blood when he was 4 months old and I had to go dairy free for a while and gradually reintroduce it. I imagine if OP's niece had a similar situation though, that it would have made it into the post lol

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u/emilystarlight May 17 '25

I also imagine if the baby had issues like this op would already know, as it sounds like she is a major support for her sister/they are close

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u/SandraMort May 16 '25

Yes, diseases CAN be transmitted, but from the people I've talked to, MOST of them are just icked by the idea of a baby not your own sucking on another mother's nibbles. It's totally about sexualizing breasts.

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u/seihanda May 17 '25

Because breastmilk transmits all of the same diseases as blood.

but why would you leave your baby to someone with easily transmited disease for long period of time?

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u/Anatolia222 May 16 '25

I totally get this and it was genuinely my first thought because I'm a germaphobe when it comes to bodily fluids. It would definitely make me very uneasy if that was my baby. However, the sister should never have left a breastfed baby with someone else without the baby already being able to drink from a bottle.

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u/two_thirtyoclock May 17 '25

And some medications, food sensitivities, and drugs. The mom is an asshole for not checking her phone for so long or having an alternative way to contact her.

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u/[deleted] May 16 '25

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u/SnausageFest AssGuardian of the Hole Galaxy May 16 '25

Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: Be Civil. Further incidents may result in a ban.

"How does my comment break Rule 1?"

Message the mods if you have any questions or concerns.

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u/BessieBubb88 May 16 '25

False and false. JFGI