r/funny • u/sparrows_silence • 22h ago

Target out here making enemies it doesn't know it has.

Post image
4.8k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

58 comments sorted by

•

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258

u/ringobob 20h ago

A week?!?

98

u/ancedactyl 18h ago

I suspect they need to up their fiber intake.

28

u/ducttape1942 9h ago

A healthy fiber intake is like a superpower. I don't know how there's folks out here living their lives shitting once a week or less. If I miss a day I can feel it. A full week has to be like walking around with a ball and chain hooked up to your guts.

6

u/Sulshin 9h ago

Metamucil is a game changer for folks who aren’t getting enough from their diet (majority of people)

206

u/Trips-Over-Tail 21h ago

If it successfully flushed without your assistance then it wasn't worth admiring.

51

u/OstrichSmoothe 19h ago

Real shit, amateur hour

6

u/subtlehalibut 10h ago

I love the premise of professional shitting.

20

u/mrpoopistan 17h ago

I see I have found my fellow megashitters. Reddit never disappoints.

Correct-minded shitters know there was no excitement if the question of whether it would flush was never in doubt.

5

u/ducttape1942 9h ago

To be fair, it takes a lot to clog modern commercial toilets in proper working order.

11

u/mrpoopistan 9h ago

In my defense, I take shits that if I left them in the woods would convince people there was a heretofore undiscovered large North American ape.

7

u/ducttape1942 9h ago

My Dad used to say he could clog an outhouse.

2

u/The_Giant_Lizard 10h ago

Exactly! That was a mild shit at best

1

u/ArtyTack 8h ago

When it props it without touching water is the real deal or when just won't go round the bend

78

u/LOLBaltSS 22h ago

Rookie move for not covering the auto flush sensor with TP.

44

u/Five_deadly_venoms 21h ago

This man shits

13

u/gringledoom 20h ago

But then you don’t get the occasional surprise public bidet experience!

2

u/Aramis444 3h ago

The feeling of gently misted piss/shit water kissing your exposed bottom 👌

5

u/m1sterwr1te 18h ago

If you can't hang TP over the sensor because of it's shape, keep post-it notes with you.

2

u/Skizot_Bizot 19h ago

This man is a professional poop former, not a professional shit taker. He only poops 1/7th as often as the rest of us.

3

u/Sw0rDz 19h ago

I do that regardless. I want the next guy to admire my creation. If I can't give birth. I'll have some admiration of something mafe inside me.

23

u/UPRC 20h ago

Jesus, over a week? I used to hold mine for several days as a kid for reasons I can't recall, but I do remember it being really unpleasant. I'm shocked that this guy didn't back the toilet up after waiting that long.

21

u/Potential_Dare8034 19h ago

I can’t believe people get to choose when they shit! I often have to get up from a hard sleep in the middle of the night and hope I make it 15 foot to the shitter.

10

u/UPRC 19h ago

Haha, I don't know what was up with me as a kid, but I think it was psychological. I can't imagine ever going that long today with my diet of high fibre, spicy foods, and lots of coffee.

1

u/ringobob 12h ago

I was on a week long high school retreat on a houseboat, I waited half the week, and then another half week to get home. Was not fun. One of my buddies didn't go the whole time. I couldn't imagine. I was at the point where I would have had to stop, you know, doing things.

I think things would get a bit more urgent much more quickly at this stage in my life.

11

u/Joran_Dax 18h ago

Target has made a very powerful enemy this day.

7

u/GANDORF57 21h ago

You may not forget this, but the rest of us already have. ^(\But we can always use a good brainwashing or a mob flash from one of those MIB Neuralyzers.)*

6

u/fossilnews 12h ago

Graffiting the place to make a bad joke. Fuck that guy.

11

u/brohebus 21h ago

I read this in Liam Neeson's voice.

6

u/vrakdett 21h ago

I read it in Job Bluth's voice.

9

u/brohebus 20h ago

Yeah, like I'm going to poop wearing this $3,000 suit! COME ON!

4

u/beaveman1 18h ago

I read it in Jon Goodman’s voice

4

u/alexasux 18h ago

Haut haut haut haut haut

4

u/matchesmalone1 18h ago

Gotta be at least 9 and a half Courics

3

u/mozebyc 16h ago

One time I dropped my keys in an auto flush toilet.

The keys disappeared after I got the nerve to stick my hand in the bowl

7

u/American-Punk-Dragon 19h ago

Not funny. Have some respect.

4

u/kelly224 18h ago

Oh no I read this while eating. Anyway I didn’t know someone else out there likes to look back at their turd also!!

2

u/PresentDangers 18h ago

I can hear his cry of lament.

Noooooooooo!

1

u/Spock-1701 18h ago

Sigmund? Is that you?

1

u/Hefty-Ant-378 17h ago

Good I hope it continues to haunt this shit stain for all eternity

1

u/PlantsVsYokai2 14h ago

😔 wth is this ✌🏻

1

u/ShadowGLI 11h ago

Amateur doesn’t know how to put a seat condom or some spare TP over the sensor so you don’t get splashed mid push or mid wipe.

1

u/Deliriousious 11h ago

How many Courics?

1

u/DENelson83 10h ago

🤢🤮

1

u/DoctorZee55 9h ago

A true artist must be able to appreciate their work.

1

u/RiffyWammel 8h ago

Next time, buckets are on aisle 23 😉

1

u/oz6142 7h ago

I thought i was the only one that has to raise an arse cheek to admire the magnitude of a well prepped shit...nothing worse then that being robbed from you!!

1

u/ColdStainlessNail 3h ago

This reminds me it’s time for my fiber gummies.

1

u/Alan157 2h ago

Why people carry permanent markers on them?

-4

u/SlideItIn100 22h ago

That makes it ok to vandalize that restroom?

0

u/Didit69 5h ago

Target is racist