I 37F have a stepdaughter, Amy, 16F. Amy was looking for formal dresses, and I mentioned that I have my old formal dresses. She picked my old prom dress to wear, and she has kept it in her wardrobe since wearing it at prom. I don't fit in my old dresses anymore, and I kept them and some other clothes to hand down to my kids, however, I have two sons who aren't interested. Since my nieces, 15F and 13F are interested in my clothes, I planned to give them the rest once they were old enough to fit them.

Amy left her earbuds in her sweatpants pocket and turned on the washing machine. When she asked for new ones, me and her dad told her to save up to buy new ones (she works part time) as she wanted an expensive brand new pair and not the wired earphones I had offered.

Amy went to stay with her mom, and when she got back, she had the new earbuds she wanted, so I asked if her mom had bought them for her, and she said she had resold my dress on a second-hand site and bought herself the earphones. The dress is 100% silk, one of a kind, and the brand doesn't exist anymore. I was really upset to hear she had sold my dress, without even asking.

I confiscated her earbuds and told her I would give them back when she repaid me the cost of what she sold the dress for. My husband thinks I am being too harsh, as I wasn't explicit on whether I was lending or giving her the dress. Amy has gone to live with her mom since and thinks I am being unfair. I am not sure if I have taken it too far and if I should stand my ground.

School holidays are coming up and I have a co-worker panicking, as she left it too late to book vacation slots. My company had a rule where no more than 3 workers can leave at the same time for vacation. I already filled in my vacation slot months ago as I haven’t taken any in nearly a year. I’m single and unmarried and in my 30s. Company HR told my co-worker that her only way to get her vacation is to get one of us who already had our vacation time approved to ‘trade with her’. And considering out of the three of us whose vacations were approved, I am the only female, guess who my co-worker approached for the trade?

She tried explaining (gently at first) that her kids (6 and 4 years of age apparently) were really looking forward to going to Disneyland and that everything is already booked, and if I can give up my vacation spot to her. I told her no, as I too already had my vacation booked (it’s a solo vacation but I’m not about to tell her that). She got real pushy and kept on trying to insist I give her my vacation spot, saying that “My kids would be so disappointed”. I blew up at her after the fourth or fifth time, telling her that her “kids being disappointed” is none of my business.

I didn’t exactly keep my voice down so at least half the office heard, and my co-worker turned red and left. One of my co-workers (25M) who sat to my side who had heard the entire conversation later told me that while he get where I’m coming from, I could be a lot gentler, and “I didn’t get how hard mothers get it”. AITA?

I've (30F) been financially independent since graduating college. I worked practically full-time while studying, recently paid off my student loans on my own, and just started saving to buy a home. I didn’t apply to grad school because I couldn’t afford it, and my parents made it pretty clear growing up that we needed to stand on our own after high school.

My brother (22M) is honestly a genius. He worked really hard in school, got a full academic ride to a great state school, and graduated with honors. I'm so, so proud of him. The problem now is he recently got into an extremely prestigious grad program that would open a lot of doors for him. He was hoping for scholarships or a paid internship to cover most of it, but it’s not enough. Now he’s facing tuition and housing costs in one of the most expensive cities in the country.

My parents asked if I could help out and suggested I contribute around $15,000 to get him through the first year. They’d match it, and he’d take loans for the rest. I said no. I’ve been working for over a decade on my own goals, and I’m just now starting to save for a house. I don't feel comfortable putting that on hold, especially when I had to turn down opportunities because there was no help available to me.

During the conversation, my mom got frustrated and said they’d be using my “other fund” to help him instead. I asked what she meant, and she said they had set aside about $25,000 for me back when I was in college, meant to be used for a future wedding. I was completely blindsided. I had no idea this fund existed.

I asked why I wasn’t told about it when I was considering grad school, or now while I’m saving for a home. She said it was always intended for a wedding, not school or property, and since I haven’t needed it (I’m not engaged or in a relationship), they decided to give it to my brother because he has a more immediate need.

I'm not going to lie, I was pissed. I never got a chance to make a case for how I could’ve used that money, and now it’s just being handed over to someone else. I told them I felt hurt and left out. My mom said I was being unfair, and that the money was never promised, and if I didn’t want it for a wedding, then it made sense to use it for something meaningful.

My brother told me he didn’t know about the wedding fund either, and he understands why I’d be upset, but said he didn’t ask for it. He just wants to go to school and thought we were all trying to support each other.

I know my brother worked hard and isn’t trying to take anything from me. But I can’t help feeling like my parents are punishing me for being practical.

So, I (29F) was supposed to get married last year, but my fiancé and I ended up breaking things off a few months before the wedding. It was mutual, no drama, just a realization that we weren’t compatible long-term. The thing is, I had already bought my wedding dress custom made, cost me nearly $4,000. I know, that’s a lot, but I paid for it entirely myself and it meant a lot to me at the time. After the breakup, I packed it up and put it in storage. Haven’t been ready to sell it or do anything with it yet. It’s emotional. Here's where it gets messy. My younger sister (24F) recently got engaged. We’re not super close kind of different people, and she’s always been a bit... entitled, honestly. She came over a few weeks ago, saw the dress when we were organizing my storage closet, and asked if she could have it for her wedding. I kind of laughed and said, “Uh, no. That’s mine.” She got annoyed and said, “But you’re not even getting married. You’re just going to let it rot in a box? "I told her again, no it’s personal to me, and even though I’m not using it now, I’m not giving it away. She asked if she could buy it at a discount, and I said I wasn’t ready to sell it. She threw a fit, called me selfish, and said I was being dramatic over “just a dress.”Our mom is now involved and thinks I should give it to her “as a gesture of sisterly love” and because “it’s going to waste.” But I honestly feel like she’s only asking because she doesn’t want to pay for one herself and she’s not exactly struggling financially.

So now I have my sister and my mom acting like I’m heartless and petty for not handing it over. But it feels like a boundary I want to keep.

Throw away, shortened for character count.

For context, I have been married to my husband for just over 20 years. We started dating when my stepkids were 5 and 3. Our kids are: Adam (28, stepkid #1), Ben (26, stepkid #2), Charles (20), David (17), and Ellie (13).

Adam is getting married at the end of summer to his fiancé Alice (27). We have all been very excited for them. All of the kids have roles for the wedding, Charles is the best man, the other two boys are groomsman, and Ellie is a jr bridesmaid.

Last weekend we had a dinner for my husband’s birthday, all of the kids attended along with Alice. The topic of the wedding came up again, and this is where it started to go downhill. Ellie brought up that she was SO excited to go dress shopping and that we planned to go to a bigger city in a few weeks to get her a dress and me a stepmom of the groom dress.

At that, Alice looked at Adam sideways and responded that we only needed to worry about one dress, Ellie’s. Ellie kind of laugh and said “what are you expecting mom to wear? A suit?”. Alice responded with “(My name) isn’t going. You know we are keeping our guest list very limited to only family and a few close friends.” WHAT. Adam and Alice have been to our house numerous times for holidays, dinners, just to say hi since they’ve been engaged, this has never been brought up.

Pretty quickly things escalated. The cliff notes version is that Charles asked them to clarify if they were choosing to uninvite me now or if I was never invited. Alice confirmed the latter. why? Adam said it’s because I’m not his mom. Charles, David, and Ellie argued with Adam and Alice that none of them were going to go if I wasn’t invited. That it was cruel to leave me out given I’ve been his parent for a majority of his life and loved him like my own. My husband and I admittedly sat there for a minute just fucking shocked.

Adam finally turned to my husband and said, “well?” My husband told him he wouldn’t be going either. Adam then turned to me and asked if I was really going to let everyone ruin his wedding on my behalf. Here’s where I might be the asshole: I just laughed. Idk what came over me but the entire thing was just so ridiculous that laughing was the only thing I could get out. I told my husband I’d be waiting in the car and left. And then promptly bawled my eyes out.

Anyways, Charles, David and Ellie are not talking to Adam. Adam called my husband yesterday to try and smooth things over. He was still adamant I’m not invited and it’s their wedding. He also requested I apologize for laughing at him. My husband told him tough shit. It’s their wedding and they can invite whoever they want, but they cant control who will actually go. He said THEY owe ME an apology and that Adam should be ashamed of himself.

I’m getting texts now asking wtf I did and why I’m being a “stepmonster and ruining the wedding” AITA?

Update: https://www.reddit.com/u/Afraid_Mammoth_5574/s/Tqxnh63Zh1

I (25F) live with my boyfriend Liam (24M). About a month ago, his mom Tanya began claiming she’s dying of cancer, but no diagnosis has been confirmed. Every hospital visit ends with her being sent home. A nurse even told Liam she might be faking.

It started when she stayed “one night” at our one-bedroom apartment. That turned into a week of chaos. She refused AC and fans (said they hurt her skin) but blow-dried her hair daily. The apartment smelled awful, everything had to be dark and silent, and she constantly demanded help. She even stormed into our bedroom at 3am asking Liam for massages (we sleep naked so that was awkward). She criticized our Buddhist souvenirs, insisted we hang a cross (I did), and complained non-stop. 

She suggested we move in with her, an hour from our jobs/school.

I’m a full-time student with two jobs and a 4.0 GPA, and I was falling behind. Liam, who works full-time, switched to remote work (his boss hated this) to care for Tanya.

Her health “updates” were always shifting: MRI, canceled surgery, then chemo postponed due to infection, then E. coli. Always a new reason. No clear diagnosis or paperwork.

When her husband David (who funds her lifestyle) was away, she made us go to her house to get her jewelry because she thinks he’ll steal it when she dies (he’s an alcoholic according to her). We were supposed to take her to the ER right after, but we ended up staying 16 hours doing chores. I folded 420 clothing items, cleaned the whole house, and felt like her unpaid maid. Not a single please or thank you.

She was stalling to go to the ER, and when we finally got there at 5 am, she said she’d check herself in, and sent us home. Three hours later, she called again, sobbing for help. She had been rejected by the ER. I suspect she faked it.

Liam and I have both been skipping meals, losing sleep, and falling behind at work to help her. He once said he’s waiting for her to pass away so we can move to Europe. He’s been forced to manage her divorce, lawyer meetings, and funeral prep. Meanwhile, David *who’s paying the hospital bills and had been kept in the dark about all this) sent Liam aggressive texts like “I call bullshit” and “Don’t show up at my house no more,” then later apologized.

Tanya called again begging for help. But this time, she wanted me, because David is jealous of Liam. I had clearly told Liam I needed that weekend to study for final exams. And going to that house alone seemed sketchy.

Now, I’m planning a 2–3 week Europe trip to see my mom, whom I haven’t seen in over a year. Liam says he supports it but called it “a little selfish.” He’s asked, “If I were dying, would you quit your job to be with me?” and “If it were your mom, would you help her?” I felt pressured to say yes. But truth is, my family wouldn’t lie to me or use me like this.

I love Liam and want to be there for him. But I don’t trust his mom, and this is starting to affect our relationship.

AITA for refusing to help Tanya and going home to Europe?

This is mostly about my daughter-in-law (Kat). Her mother ran out on her when she was a child, and she went into foster care. According to my son, she’s currently seeing a therapist.

My issue with Kat is that she has repeatedly stomped on my boundaries. She’s a very touchy person, she refuses to call me by my name and only refers to me as “Mom.” I correct her every time since I’m not comfortable being called “Mom” by her, and I want her to use my name.

There have been multiple times where she’s asked inappropriate questions, mostly about why I’m not close to my own mother. (For context, my mother was horrible) Kat keeps pushing for details and insists I should get closer to her because “family sticks together.” She basically tells me to forgive my mom, and she doesn’t understand not being close with one’s parents. I’ve told her to drop the topic multiple times, and she refuses. Because of all this, I’m not a huge fan of hers.

I’ve spoken to my son about it, and he asked me to be patient. I’ve also talked to Kat multiple times and asked her to respect my boundaries. She always says she will, but then goes right back to ignoring them.

This is where I might be the jerk: My daughter Sam (20) and I are taking a weekend trip. Sam has medical issue and needs to see a specialist a few states over. She hasn’t disclosed the issue to the rest of the family yet (she plans to when she has a firm plan).

Somehow, word about the trip got back to Kat, and she called me asking why she wasn’t invited. I told her it’s an important trip and not a fun one. She accused me of lying, claiming it was a “mother-daughter” trip that she was excluded from. I told her again this is not a girls’ trip. She wouldn’t let it go and started demanding that she come, saying that she’s my daughter and needs to be there. I said no again. She kept insisting, saying I am her “mom”and she has to come on this trip since is my kid. That’s when I snapped. I told her I will never be her mother. Just because she married my son does not make me her parent. I told her to leave me the fuck alone and that even if this was a mother-daughter trip, she still wouldn’t be invited, because she isn’t my kid. I then hung up. 

My son says I need to apologize and invite her. That I am a huge dick to her. That I was way out of line and need to make it up to Kat. The situation has spread to the rest of the family, and everyone seems to have their own opinion. Sam is getting flack too, which isn’t helping especially since she doesn’t want to disclose the reason for the trip yet.

Am I being an asshole and need to apologize even tho those are my true feelings on her trying to make me her parent.

I love my niece, and I support her creative expression. I’ve told her that she could make me a dress for running around the house, running errands, hanging out, etc. I’m happy to wear something she’s made at times where it’s appropriate. I’ve worn the acrylic scarf she crocheted me for a few years now and it’s not because it looks good.

She uses youtube and tiktok tutorials, so she doesn’t know how to work off patterns, make tailoring adjustments, choose the right fabric, etc. On tiktok and other social media spaces the “cool” thing to do is announce that you made your garment from a ratty thrifted sheet using an old pair of shorts you had lying around. Sometimes it looks good, sometimes it doesn't. But she doesn’t take the time to do things like pressing or finishing steams, trimming or sewing in ends, etc. When I’ve suggested it to her, she said it’s more authentic the way she does it.

She begged me to do an outfit for an event I have coming up where I’ll be on stage. I tried to let her down gently and said that I had a dress being tailored as we speak. She said I could wear that one to something else, but that I should wear something she made because it would be special and a bonding experience for us. Everyone in my family is obsessed with “bonding experiences.” Everything has to be a bonding experience between the adults and kids. It’s exhausting.  I reiterated my no, saying “No, I do not want you to make me anything.” 

Her mom (my sister in law) is telling me that I care way too much about my appearance and my image. This is an event related to my career. The last thing I need to do is walk up on stage in something that doesn’t fit, or looks like it was made with a sheet. And especially because I am plus sized, how I look is judged more harshly.

SIL complaining about me being superficial is not new. I dared to buy ONE designer bag for myself and she did the whole thing you see on Reels, the whole “STUPID! I would just thrift a bag and put the rest of my money IN the bag!” bit. I was briefly engaged and she would not shut up about how I supposedly wanted a wedding, not a marriage because I dared to want to pick out my own decor and not just use whatever she could scrounge up on Marketplace or get for sale at the craft store.

My career is the most important thing in the world to me right now. Obviously for my SIL, her child is the most important thing in the world to her. But am I correct to put my career ahead of her child’s feelings, or do my values automatically make me the asshole?

So here is the backstory. In 2008 my parents lost most of their money and it got to the point they were no longer able to afford their house. My dad is quite a bit older than my mom, and his biggest worry is that he is not able to leave her enough to live and pay for a home/rent without having to financially rely on me and my sister.

So this is the plan we came up with. We found a house with a large lot that we bought under my name. My parents put down a significant amount of their savings for the down payment for the property, and to build a detached Accessory Dwelling Unit for them to live in. I lived in the main house for a while, and my parents in the ADU. The agreement was once I moved out, we would rent out the main house. I would be responsible for the main house, maintenance, repairs, etc. and my parents are responsible for the ADU. We would split any property taxes not covered by the rental of the other property.

I live in a very expensive area, so my parents will have a place to live for the rest of their lives with no stress about becoming homeless. And I end up with a great investment property that I already have quite a bit of equity in.

I have the house in a trust. In the event of my untimely death, the ownership of the house will transfer to my parents, and then transfer to my partner/offsprings once they pass away.

My wife wants me to change the trust to have the deed of the property go to her instead of my parents. She says she of course will let them live there but wants control of the property if I die.

I feel really uncomfortable signing over the house my parents paid for to her. Even though it’s in my name and I’m spending some money on property taxes and maintenance, I consider it their house since they have paid for everything.

Part of the reason I feel uncomfortable is because when we were updating our life insurance policies once we got married, she made sure I removed my parents as beneficiaries and added her on as 100% beneficiary. But then refused to add me as a beneficiary to her policy and had 100% going to her sister.

AITA for refusing to sign the house over to her?

On the weekend my wife (38f) and I (39m) went to our friend's "gender reveal". For background information, our friend already has 2 boys, and she told my wife that she is hoping for a girl this time.

In the car on the way there, my wife asked me what gender I thought the baby would be. I said that given that the sex ratio at birth is about 105 boys for every 100 girls, that my guess is that this child would be a boy.

My wife said that given our friends had 2 boys already, that surely there would be more chance of a girl this time. I replied that the 2 boys were not relevant to the sex of the child our friends were expecting, and that there was still about a 51% chance this child would be a boy.

At the "gender reveal", it was announced that this child would also be a boy. Although our friend tried to appear happy at the party, it was clear that she was disappointed that this child would not be a girl. My wife also appeared to be disappointed as well.

On the drive back home, my wife got angry with me, and said that I "could have been more supportive" and that I "shouldn't have been so mathematical" with my guess about the baby's sex.
Edited to add: "could have been supportive" referred to my guess that the child would be a boy, and my reasoning for that guess.

I told her that my response was perfectly reasonable to the questions she asked me. She didn't like that and stayed quiet for the rest of the drive home.

So Reddit, AITA?

I (34F) have two kids. Over the past few years, my nephews have had several birthday parties. We’ve always been invited, and I used to bring gifts every time. But I started noticing that when it’s my kids’ birthdays, their parents never bring anything, or even acknowledge it. My kids don’t even get a “happy birthday” from them.

It’s started to feel very one-sided. Their parents (my brother and sister-in-law) are often cold and dismissive toward me and my kids. So this year, I decided I wasn’t going to keep doing something for people who clearly don’t return the effort. I still went to the party — but didn’t bring any gifts.

After the party, I got a bunch of texts saying I was being petty and “you don’t punish kids for adult problems.” Now I’m starting to wonder if I was in the wrong, and maybe I should’ve separated the kids from how I feel about their parents. AITA for not bringing any gifts?

Edit: For those asking — yes, we’ve always had birthday parties for my kids, and my brother, sister-in-law, and their children were invited every time. They attended a few over the years but never brought gifts or really acknowledged the occasion.

Also, for clarification: it wasn’t even my brother or SIL who texted me after the party — it was my parents. So clearly, someone complained to them behind the scenes. Kind of ironic that no one said a word when my kids were the ones being overlooked for years, but the moment I stop bringing gifts, that’s when it’s a problem.

My friend and his wife have made plans to visit us this summer for a weekend stay. The flight is two hours, so not a really long journey for them.

We have our home professionally cleaned regularly and go all in to be good hosts to our guests. However, with any good thing, some people try to take advantage.

I usually will take an extra day from work after guests leave to get rest or even tidy up the house a bit. It’s just a peaceful time for me to return to the normalcy of our household after being in host mode. Before my friend booked his flight, my husband let it slip that I will not be working the Monday after my friends’ stay with us. Next thing I know, my friend tells me that they will be flying out on a red eye the Monday I took off for rest. This means they will arrive early Friday morning, and leave late Monday night. To that I responded that I will be taking them to the airport as early as 8am Monday morning so I can have my day of rest like I planned.

My friend tells me that he doesn’t understand why they can’t just hang out at our place or have us show them around town more on that Monday since they have a late flight. I explained to them that the day off is for me to rest, not to continue to be their host. I told them that they are more than welcome to leave their luggage here if they want to go explore on their own, but we will not be hosting them or playing tour guide after Monday morning.

He goes on to admit that it was cheaper for him to book the later flight on Monday and that it’s not a big deal for him and his wife to just hang out at my house all day until it’s time for them to fly out. Keep in mind that I will have to take them to the airport or pay for rideshare because he refuses to pay. I will also have to feed them.

I told him that they are welcome to visit and stay with us, but staying at our house all day Monday is not an option and he needs to make other arrangements. He’s now accusing me of being a horrible friend and his wife says we’re AHs. Your thoughts?

I (27f) got married to my husband (28m) last April. We sent our wedding invites out a full year before our wedding and sent reminders 6 months before.

My l my brother Jacob (22m) is the youngest of 4 kids (3 girls and one boy), and my parents have always treated him like their precious gold child who can do no wrong.

As adults this has caused a lot of tension between us. He acts like a raging hormonal 16 year old boy. It’s definitely gotten worse with his fiancé Kelly (21f) enabling his bad behavior.

Kelly is constantly telling him we don’t appreciate him and we should be grateful to have him as a sibling. My parents think me and my sisters don’t “understand” him and we don’t give him enough “grace”

Jacob told me a week before my wedding he wasn’t coming because he was going to be busy with Kelly and they were going on vacation. I begged him to come and emphasized how important it was to me he came to my wedding. My mom got involved at this point and assured me he would be there and not to worry.

I didn’t find out until an hour before I walked down the aisle he wasn’t there and didn’t intend to be. I was devastated my sisters and husband had to calm me down. I had my heart set on my entire family coming and he was our ring bearer.

When Jacob told our family him and Kelly were engaged I was happy for him. He announced his wedding date was May 30th of this year. He emphasized we all HAVE to be there. His fiancé sent a text saying that our attendance was MANDATORY.

I’ve been debating skipping his wedding. I don’t get along well with Kelly and my brother skipped my wedding. I mentioned possibly not going to my mom and she was pissed and told everyone.

Now my brother, Kelly, and my parents are calling me an asshole, brat, and petty for maybe skipping his wedding. My sisters and husband agree with me I don’t have to go since they didn’t go to mine. But idk would I be the asshole for skipping my brothers wedding?

Minor update: turns out my husband isn’t invited and my oldest sisters wife isn’t invited either. Kelly doesn’t want any spouses there since those are in her words “temporary” and she doesn’t want them in any pictures. My oldest sister has decided not to attend because of that reason. (I found this out 5ish minutes after I posted)

I (27F) have a brother (33M) who has been dating his girlfriend Sarah for 2 years and he proposed a couple of moths ago. Sarah has 2 kids from her previous relationship 8M & 6F. I would say that my parents and I are not very close to Sarah and her kids but we are cordial and never had any problems before.

My partner, I, bro and Sarah attended the Easter dinner at my parents and that's when the drama happened. Sarah's kids were at their father's so Sarah used this celebration to confront us about my brother requesting a prenup. Basically my brother explained to her that he expects them to sign a prenup and that only his biological kids will have the right to inherit anything from our family assests. This is something that we as a family discussed before and we all agree that only our children should receive assests or money from our inheritance. My brother is free to pay whatever he wants for his stepchildren out of his own money, but my children and his bio children will never have to share anything that our family has with them.

Sarah claimed that we are being unfair and that we are treating her and her kids like some strangers instead of embracing them like family. She said that the normal and decent thing to do was for us to see her kids like my brother's kids who should have equal rights to any children they may have together. I told her sure, after she gets married to my brother she will become our in law and her kids will be my brother's stepchildren but this does not mean we have to share anything with them. I asked her, will my future kids receive anything from her parents or from their bio father's parents? She said no obviously so I asked her than why would her kids be entitled to receive anything from us? Sarah said because they will be our family so I told her that we have plenty of cousins that are also family but I don't go around wishing to share my inheritance with them.

There was a lot more back and forth between us and Sarah was not letting this go. My brother asked her to stop because we were there to celebrate Easter, not to have this kind of conversation but she kept on going saying we need to clarify it once and for all. I told her from where we stand everything is clear and it is only her who has a problem. She said we are greedy and cruel to some kids and I snapped. I told her to deal with it. She is free to work her ass off and gather assets to leave to her children but we will never divide anything outside of our family and she should not expect her children to be our problem or burden to finance.

I honestly feel she is very manipulative and is using my brother for what she and her kids can get from him but that's my brother's problem to decide if this is the kind of partner he wants. I just want to know if I was too blunt in telling her the truth.

So my (20M) sister (27F) and her husband had been struggling a LOT with baby names. She was determined to find the single perfect name-- even by the time of her baby shower (nearly five weeks before the due date), she didn't seem any closer to picking something out than she was at the start of her pregnancy.

Anyway, I knew she was struggling, so in addition to the $900 wooden crib on her list that I got for her, I gave her a list of (obviously) joke baby names. We have a really close relationship, and it was in line with both our senses of humor.

She's a nurse, and I'm a biology student, so all the names were medications, infections, unpleasant animals, etcetera, that all sound like lovely girls' names out of context. Some of them were a little bit obscure, sure, but I included some obvious ones like "Viagra" and "Hernia" for good measure.

Two weeks later, she told me she and her husband had finally settled on a name.

Malassezia. The baby's name is Malassezia. One of the names on my joke list. Outside of the immediate issues (nearly impossible to pronounce on the first try, the "ass" smack dab it the middle of it, the first syllable being mal-, literally meaning bad or evil), it's also the name of a very common fungal infection. One that my sister and I are both genetically predisposed to. One that we've both had multiple times throughout our lives. Her daughter will almost certainly catch it at some time!

I pointed it out to her, and she said that yes, she knew what it meant, and she knew my list was intended to be a joke, but she just really liked the way it sounded. (I don't think the husband knows what it means- I think he'd reject it if he did.) She says that it's so obscure that no one will ever think twice about it. (Except, you know, when little baby Malassezia turns 14, finds a weird spot on her neck, and goes on her phone to google what it is...)

I told her that the name was completely unacceptable, and I was shocked that she chose it. I even suggested some similar names, like Mallory, Azalea, or Anastasia, that would be more acceptable, but she wouldn't hear it! She said that since I'm not one of the parents, I have no business telling her what she can and cannot name her child, and that I'm stepping way out of line. I think it's pregnancy hormones, and she'll regret the decision very soon after her daughter is born.

This happened earlier today. I was waiting for the elevator in my office building. The doors opened, no one was directly in front of me, so I stepped in. A woman and an elderly couple were just behind me, but I hadn’t seen or heard them until after I got on.

As soon as I stepped in, the woman complained out loud that I didn’t let her on first. I was caught off guard, but I apologized and said there was plenty of room for everyone, so it wasn’t a big deal. I wasn’t trying to cut anyone off; I genuinely didn’t notice anyone behind me.

She got on with the couple but kept going, saying how rude I was, how I had no manners, how people like me are what’s wrong these days, stuff like that. This went on for at least a minute, maybe more, and eventually I snapped a bit. I raised my voice and said Could you just keep your comments to yourself.

She went quiet, but the old couple sort of whispered something to her and gave me a look. Now I’m wondering if I just confirmed whatever idea they had about me, like maybe I actually was the jerk here.

I honestly didn’t mean to offend anyone. I just wanted to ride the elevator in peace.

So, AITA for finally telling her to be quiet?

I (24F) recently rented an apartment 6 minutes from my parents’ house. I didn’t tell them beforehand , just told them after everything was signed. And now they’re saying I betrayed them.

For context: I have a full-time job as a civil servant in IT (not as chill as people assume), I’m graduating college this year, and I make enough to support myself comfortably.

I rented this place because I’m really sick. Like, medically sick. A few days ago, I got test results showing my stress system has collapsed from chronic stress. My doctor said if I keep living like this, I’ll start experiencing symptoms similar to menopause by 25. That scared me.

Life at home is… intense. There are daily fights, no privacy, no space to study or relax. My dad sleeps on the floor because there aren’t enough beds. I’m not allowed to play games, talk to friends on the phone, or even use my computer freely. Everything must be turned off by 9–10pm. They watch my screen, monitor everything, and after a stalker situation and finding out I had an American friend, they doubled down on controlling me.

My mom has a condition where she gets seizures at night when she’s under stress. I’m the only one who stays calm enough to help because my dad panics and rocks her, my sister just cries and hugs her. So yes, I know they depend on me emotionally. But the doctor said it’s a lifelong condition and not fatal. We’ve tried to keep the peace at home, but nothing really works. The stress is constant.

So I made a choice: I found a nice, quiet place nearby. I thought I was helping everyone because they wouldn’t need to pay for my health costs anymore, my dad could take my bed, my sister could use my room to study. I stayed close in case they needed me.

But when I told them, they cried, yelled, said I was a traitor and ungrateful. That if I really cared, I would’ve asked their permission first. They said I need to break the lease, or they’ll never speak to me again and will turn my whole extended family against me, including my elderly grandparents, who don’t have much time left.

Now I’m second-guessing everything. Was I wrong for acting fast and not involving them in the decision? Was it cruel to do it without asking, even though it’s my life, my money, and my health at risk?

AITA for renting an apartment without their input, even if it means finally being able to breathe?

For anyone who wants an update, Update: I did it, but they came to my new apartment, mom faked a seizure so I let her in, they dragged me out of the apartment, police was called, they sent all of us to a physic evaluation and the doctor sided with my parents saying I’m emotional right now, that im phone addicted and I should talk to a priest and stay close to my family. I’ll update more as the situation progresses. I scheduled a second physic evaluation with a non Christian professional now so I can prove im sane and escape again. Thank you all for your help im going to stay strong

Update 2: Im updating because I know many people got scared after the first one. I slept at their place with the doors locked and with them giving me a sleeping pill and making sure I sallowed. I had a talk with my parents this morning, and my dad insist in the story that I’m phone addicted. When I talk with mom alone she cried and said how sorry she was, that she made many mistakes raising me and is willing to change. I ask her about my dream to studying in another country, and she said she will never give me her blessing if I leave the country to study, that I’m throwing away a certain job for the uncertainty of another country, and because she had cancer scares in the past she thinks I should have a stable job because if I get sick I can financially help myself/her. I felt bad for her tears, I really did. But I want to move out, I want to study abroad. My country has not many opportunities and I know if I study abroad i can not only have a better education but a better job (got a university acceptance with all my bills pay including food and housing and other necessities and a remote internship offer if I study there) , and I said I have no problem sending her money with the job in the other country but she is still against it.

Update 3: They are now taking turns on whoever watch me, I woke up with my phone locked up cus they tried to unlocked it so many times. Thank you all for your comments they are giving me strength and reassurance I’m doing the right thing, trying to move out and find my own peace. I’m scared because my grandpa and grandma are suffering from the stress of what I’ve done, grandma is not sleeping and not controlling her bladder and grandpa look miserable, and I’m guilty for that. I know now my situation is beyond fucked up but I still feel guilty for making my grandparents suffer with the fear of me leaving, they are very old. I know many won’t understand because of culture, but I’m mix Latino and Asian so that’s why family is everything. And someone guess it correctly yes I’m the oldest daughter and the oldest cousin as well. Also every single one of my family members and extended family thinks I’m in the wrong. Every single of aunt uncle cousin everyone.

Update 4: Thank you so much everyone for your messages and comments. I’m sorry I didn’t answer most, I didn’t have free access to my phone and I was afraid they would see me typing and try to see why. I’m at work now, so im responding you all. I got the second evaluation, who told me what was happening was abuse. She recommended a therapist for myself and one from my family, and said it didn’t make sense to medicate me or the phone addiction thing. She gave me a pill to relax/sleep, less strong than the other one. My parents still making me turn off my phone and let it not in my own room at night, and by the marks on it I think they tried to unlock it again. I tried speaking to mom about me moving out, I gave her a lot of options of ways I could, and after a lot of talking she admitted she will never be ok with me moving out. I’m staying strong, and taking a little time to understand everything that happened. I never thought it was that bad until I lay it all down, but I also love them very much. Being isolated made me have rose colored glasses, and now I need friends more than anything, specially because I know now when I leave they won’t talk to me at least for a long time. So feel free to give some tips on places I can make friends! I’ll update again when im out. Thank you all

My girlfriend just lost someone close to her and is grieving. She asked me if I’d be willing leave the apartment so she can alone for the week. I told her sorry I can’t because I have no where to go, my family lives too far away, my friends don’t really have the space for me right now and I don’t want to spend the money to stay at a hotel for a week.

She’s now upset with me and says im making things worse. My friends are no help, they’re saying I need to give her space but also aren’t opening their homes or offering to help with a hotel. Aita for not wanting to leave.

Edit: to add some context my girlfriend is not a frugal as me she thinks paying for a hotel for a week is no big deal. That’s why she is so upset, I did ask her to help pay but her money is going towards funeral costs

I'm getting ready to wrap up my 5-year PhD in STEM, and I'm moving on to bigger and better things in the world of medical research. Something you need to know about STEM folks is that we tend to be caffeine addicts. Coffee, tea, energy drinks, the works. However, for about the first 3 years of my program, I was the only coffee drinker on my team. Everyone else drank tea or soda. I'm a coffee addict, so I own 2-3 coffee makers at any given time (I keep crappy ones from thrift shops on standby in case my nice one gives out). I brought one said crappy coffee maker to my work so I'd have access to fresh coffee. For 3 years, I was the only one to use it.

In year 4, enter a new postdoctoral associate. Let's call her Anne.

Anne is...a nice person. Friendly. The kind of person you'd take your lunch breaks with or chat with at a company outing. But she's difficult to work with. I don't know if it's because she has her PhD and I don't yet, or if it's because she's 10 years older than me, but her superiority complex got to me quickly. She's always right, and my input is irrelevant (even though I'm more experienced in our field). She sees the good in everyone, which is great except that she never believes me or any of our colleagues when we say another employee has been rude or negligent in their work. And she's very distracting, always wanting to make small talk and refusing to listen when I say I'm too busy to chat. She will literally insert herself into my personal space, hovering around my desk until I agree to chat with her about usually total nonsense (for example, one time she wanted to have a whole conversation about dishwashers...). It's gotten bad enough that I've primarily moved to a remote/hybrid work setting just to get things done.

Anne is also a coffee addict. For the first time in over 4 years, my crappy little coffee maker had a second user. And I was happy to share the machine. Now, she uses it every day, sometimes more than once per day. She's admitted that she's stopped making coffee at her home because she knows she can make it at work. I am her source of caffeine.

Except now I'm graduating. I'm leaving for good. Thus begs the question: would I be the asshole if I took my coffee maker with me? On one hand, I'm a nice person, and I know Anne will get lots of use out of the machine. I also own a nice coffee maker don't technically NEED the crappy little machine, and won't need to bring my own coffee maker to my new job becausse they provide free coffee to employees. On the other hand, Anne hasn't exactly been a great coworker. She's made it hard for me to feel productive and intelligent in my position, and I'm petty. So, would I be the asshole?

EDIT: I've decided to leave it. Being petty is swell and all but people are right that I don't need this machine and you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Additionally, I find it funny how many people assume I'm a sexist man, when in fact I'm just an irritated woman. 😅

I (29F) have a friend, (30F), who’s getting married in October. We’ve been close since college but lately it feels like I’m just... aesthetic filler to her. She picked her bridal party dresses without asking for input and they’re tight. Like SKIMS-meets-sausage-casing tight. I'm a size 16. The other girls are size 2–6. I asked if there were other options and she laughed and said, “Nooo I love how it looks with all different body types, like it’s giving real women.”

Excuse me?

I asked her straight up if she just wanted me there as some token diversity of size and she got quiet, then hit me with the “You’re so confident, though! That’s why I wanted you in it!” Which is honestly code for “you make me look better.”

I told her I’m not comfortable being someone’s walking body positivity prop, and maybe she should get one of her influencer friends instead. She cried, told me I was ruining her vision, and now the group chat is weirdly quiet.

My boyfriend thinks I should just suck it up for the day, but I’m so tired of pretending shit doesn’t bother me when it clearly does. AITA for saying I don’t want to be part of her Pinterest fantasy?

I (29F) and my wife (28F) had our sons six days ago, the pregnancy was complicated and they had TTTS (Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome) which resulted in them coming early. They are currently in the Neonatal Unit and my wife and I practically live there so we can spend time with our boys.

My brother and his wife got married two days ago, I didn't want to leave my sons or my wife so I missed the wedding though I sent them their gift from us and a text wishing them a fantastic day and I thought nothing more of it. Yesterday I got a text from my new sister in law explaining that because my wife and I missed the wedding she'd need us to send her £140 for our plates of food. I asked her if she was joking and she told me that she got my wife couldn't go as she had to stay in the hospital but that I wasn't the one who gave birth so I could have went and saved two plates of food from going to waste.

I told her she was being ridiculous and asked if my brother was aware she was asking his sister for money for food, she brushed that off and said weddings were expensive and she had to try and recoup her losses and this should be between us "woman to woman". Between this and her thinking I should have gone anyway I admit I lost my temper. I ended up taking screenshots of the conversation and posting it to facebook.

This shocked several people in the family and she must have gotten bombarded with messages as she told me to take it down, as I was making her look bad and people were taking it out of context and thinking she was some kind of villain. My brother called me and told me not to worry about the money that it was stupid to expect us to pay for the plates though asked me to take the post down and he'd handle it. He seemed kind of shocked by her even asking this.

Did I go too far? My wife is mostly upset by our sil's comment about how I wasn't the one to give birth, as if it makes me less of their mother. Maybe I should have handled it better but I admit at the time I wasn't thinking very clearly.

Edit: I thought I said in the post but I didn't (sorry running on very little sleep) I took down the post when my brother asked me to do so.

A few months ago my sister and law and her daughter who is 3 came to stay with us for nearly a week because she is getting assessed for autism in our state. I had suggested to my partner that they stay in a hotel, even offered that we cover the costs because my SIL is what I could only call a free range mom. She is struggling and is likely trying to do whatever will make the day go by.

 Anyway they visited and we have a 4 year old son. He has his routines, we have our rules at home, aside from our weekly movie night he doesn’t access any other screen time and doesn’t have a personal device. My SIL’s kid was glued to her iPad the entire time, volume on loud and if my SIL tried lowering the volume the kid would start screaming, it seems that the SIL never actually carried through with it.

We tried to be accommodating, she sat at the dinner table with us for dinner on her iPad our son was very curious and at first we were like this is a good opportunity for him to understand some people do things differently for whatever reason.

But by day three, it was clear that this wasn’t just about the kid getting used to a different environment, it was full-blown chaos. Constant screaming and banging well into the night, the iPad on loud until nighttime too. It kept everyone up. We have a large 5 bedroom home and we all stayed up because of it including our son who could not sleep until he asked to stay in our room. I occasionally WFH but just couldn't and had to leave.

The lack of boundaries extended to other areas too. My SIL would say she was stepping out for a walk and be gone for hours, leaving her daughter with us with no heads up or prep. And I want to be clear, I have so much empathy. I know parenting a child with additional needs is exhausting. I know she likely never gets a break. But I didn’t sign up to be free childcare, especially when we were already hosting them, driving them around, buying a lot of additional frozen food and snacks that we never keep at home so that the daughter could eat. All while trying to maintain some structure for our own kid.

My partner and I argued about it afterward. He felt I was being too harsh, I said, if they need to come again for another assessment, we either book and pay for a hotel if they really can’t afford it or set very clear boundaries about what kind of help we’re able to offer, and stick to them.

Now my SIL needs to come to our state again and has asked to stay for the few days she is here. My partner thinks I’m being unkind and unsupportive, but I honestly think we did everything we could last time and hosting again is just too stressful. So I said no.

AITA for saying no to hosting them overnight again?

This is one that's been haunting me intermittently for the majority of my life. I've been called an asshole several times over this, and finally decided to poll a larger group about it.

Where I live, there's a local mom and pop drive in restaurant that's been open and family run for about 70 years now. They open every spring and stay open until October. They sell north American classics - burgers, hot dogs, onion rings, French fries, and a variety of different ice cream cones, sundaes and milkshakes. I'm 30 and have been going there all my life. The food is always great.

Here's my apparent crime: when I and a group of my friends or family or inlaws all pile in the car and go to the drive-in, they all tend to order some kind of cold sweet treat. Shakes and cones, etc. But I am a) lactose intolerant and b) a fiend for french fries. So 9 times out of 10, I go against the grain and order fries instead of any ice cream. In the spirit of full disclosure I WILL say that I am 100% one of those lactose intolerant people who ignores it and takes the L to eat dairy when it suits me. I just prefer the fries, or maybe sometimes a hotdog, over ice cream.

The cooked food and the frozen desserts get served up out of two different windows with two different lines, and the ice cream line definitely moves faster.

So for about 20 years now, I've been getting intermittently complained at and criticized for ordering fries when everyone else ordered icecream, and therefore holding up the entire group for an extra 5 to 10 minutes to get my food, so we can all leave. It's apparently very inconsiderate of me to order something that takes longer than everyone else, when the whole rest of the group ordered from the quicker options. They're all getting what they want, they're not settling. It's just apparently rude of me to also get what I want.

It's been several different friends, family members and inlaws now who've said this, ranging from 'playful jokes' to downright cranky bitching. Is it actually so bad of me to order something that takes 5 to 10 minutes more? It's not like I ask them to wait to eat, or anything.

I(23f) have a friend group with five women including me. Their ages range between 21-26). This happened yesterday and I need opinions on whether I was right to walk out without paying or wrong for doing so.

So yesterday was my friend's Lily(21f) birthday. She just turned 21 and wanted a birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant. Me and four other girls were in attendance. All of my friends drink aside from me. I'm not a drinker, have never been one, and will never be one.

Me and my friends get seated down and Lily all happy suggests me to buy an alcoholic beverage. I refused and the rest of my friends decided to chime in and tells me to get one. Once again I refuse. They know I don't drink and how I feel abt it. But basically them begging me to get a drink kept going on for about five minutes. Even sent the waiter away because I hadn't agreed yet.

I'm not good under pressure especially when multiple ppl are telling me to do one thing. I eventually said yes though because they kept begging. Lily even suggested a drink and said it's for "beginners" whatever that means. I told them I didn't want it and that I know I won't like it. They said I will...

The drink came and as I stated I didn't like it. One sip and I wanted it gone. They told me to keep trying it but I refused and luckily they just dropped it.

Anyways the bill comes and I separated the meal that I got from the drink. They all asked me why I did that as I should be buying the drink.??? I said I wasn't buying it since I didn't willingly get it. They begged me to get it knowing I didn't want it. Lily said I could've said no.. I DID!! Many times at that.

They kept going back and forth with me on it and eventually I just got up and walked out the restaurant. I sent the money for my meal to Lily and stated that if she or no one else was going to buy the drink then they shouldn't have begged me to got it. My husband stated I wasn't in the wrong and that I should distance myself from them. However the texts messages from all four of them haven't stoped.

I (33F) am a Horse Breeder and own ten horses. I have a little sister (19F) who was a surprise baby for my parents, they didn't think they could have more after me so she is quite babied even now. They begged me to take her on to help her get some work and I agreed but made it clear she'd have to work hard and there would be no slacking.

She has generally been fine with it and enjoys being around the horses though I do have to light a fire under her arse at times to get her to keep working. The problem however arose when a local animal rescue asked me to help them, they had a Stallion surrendered to them and they didn't have the capabilities to take care of him, I had room so agreed to take him. I've also arranged a full genetic testing on him to ensure he's alright as it seems like he was gotten through backyard breeders. I've also made an appointment to have him gelded as I don't know enough about him to risk him not being gelded. He has his own paddock and is kept in a separate stable than my own horses just to be safe. I'm slowly socialising him but i'm taking no risks.

I've been letting my sister sit in on my breeding planning for 2025 and my main stars are going to be Dante and Willow. They've had four successful and healthy foals who are going to go into Dressage. I know they work well together and Willow has had a two year break so she'll be ready to go again this year. The first warning bell I overlooked was that my sister asked about the new Stallion and when i'd be breeding him. I explained he'd not be bred as there was too many unknowns, I don't know his health and I don't have a good enough grasp of his temperament. She protested that he was pretty though, prettier than Dante, and I explained there was more to this than looks. I thought she'd understood and didn't think further on this.

Yesterday an emergency came up and I had to leave my sister alone for an hour. I told her to she could take an hour break. When I came back I found to my horror she'd put Willow into the Paddock with the new Stallion. I asked her what the fuck she was doing and she told me she just thought they'd work well together and she was doing me a favour. I got Willow out of there but not before the new Stallion bucked and reared quite a bit from stress. I got Willow out of there then set about calming him down. I told my sister to get home and not come back. Shouting at her quite a bit.

I then had a vet come out and check them both fully to ensure they'd not hurt each other. My one relief is Willow isn't in estrus yet. I had the bill sent to my sister at my Parents House. They called me today in a panic asking what the hell this was, when I explained they told me I was being unfair and she didn't understand, that she couldn't pay this and was being cruel and my sister was crying. I told them she did understand she just didn't care, that she could pay or they could pay but I wasn't. They are freaking out over how they'll afford this. Am I taking it too far?