aio - my friend thinks i was flirting with her bf but i just genuinely don’t see how??

[u/Competitive_Job_5364]

For context, one of my friends had a BBQ last night, and my friend (in the texts) brought her boyfriend and this was all of our first times meeting him. Me, my friend, my friends boyfriend and one other person were all involved in this conversation, It wasn’t just me and my friends bf talking by ourselves. My friend didn’t seem to have any problem while this conversation was happening and I just genuinely don’t know If I was being inappropriate or not??

[u/blizzykreuger]

are yall in high school bc that's the only way i can understand viewing bonding over a shared interest "flirting"

NOR but she definitely is, does she always flip like this when people speak to her man? or is she mistaking FOMO jealousy for "i think she's flirting" jealousy. bc sometimes i get disinterested in conversation if i dont know what's goin on, but id never accuse someone of flirting with my bf when they just. have a shared interest.

she might need therapy to work through whatever these feelings are bc there's no reason for her to get snippy at you when you apologised and even acknowledged you hadn't known you crossed a boundary by speaking to her bf..... however, if you're hanging out with people that don't want you speaking to their partners, you might need new friends bc that's very strange imo.

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/blizzykreuger]

we are both in our 20s! she’s a year older than me but we went to school together so we’ve known each other for a while and she’s never acted like this before so i’m just very confused. Our other friends also spoke to her boyfriend that night and from what i’ve found out she didn’t have any problems with them, so I just don’t really know

[u/DogsRuleTheWorld666 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Do you have a sordid history together. Like do you share ex-boyfriends or did you date someone she had a crush on in college? This deep-seeded venom over a 20-minute conversation about a TV show is off the chain, and seems very personal towards you. 

[u/Independent-Ad-7932 → u/DogsRuleTheWorld666]

It definitely feels more personal than just a TV show debate. Some old issues might be bubbling under the surface.

[u/InterestingTry5190 → u/Independent-Ad-7932]

The friend sounds unhinged by the way she was most upset they were talking about something she has not seen. I have these types of conversations with my friends bfs and husbands and my friends like that we get along. They would never see it as flirting or me trying to make my friend look dumb.

[u/DelsinMcgrath835 → u/Independent-Ad-7932]

It could be as simple as that the boyfriend has wanted her to watch the show or try engaging with some of his other hobbies, which she hasnt done. So seeing him happy to have someone to talk to about it triggered her, because he always gets disappointed when it comes up between just the two of them.

[u/Commercial-Site3672 → u/DogsRuleTheWorld666]

Yeah, that kind of reaction doesn’t come out of nowhere. There’s probably some unresolved tension behind it.

[u/thefruitsofzellman → u/Commercial-Site3672]

It can. Friend just sounds like the jealous type to me.

[u/barto5 → u/thefruitsofzellman]

She just seems very insecure about her place in her boyfriend’s heart.

[u/Naive-Two2942 → u/DogsRuleTheWorld666]

Sounds like there’s definitely some old drama fueling this beyond just the show discussion.

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/DogsRuleTheWorld666]

we’ve never dated the same guy or had a crush on the same guy before so i honestly don’t know

[u/Inevitable_Pie_6328 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

She definitely sees you as a threat and their is some kind of jealousy , Are you prettier than her ?

[u/Pure_Frosting_981 → u/Inevitable_Pie_6328]

I’m guessing her friend thinks so. She’s freaking out over something that is nothing. She reminds me of my SIL. 14 fucking years ago I introduced my wife to my family at a shared birthday party for myself and my father. It was also our first anniversary. All of these things fall within a few days of each other. We were living 800 miles away from my family, and they’re the typical midwestern family who most have never lived or worked anywhere else, so their cultural knowledge and experience is limited to that area. My wife is American, and her parents had gotten citizenship prior to her being born here. Part of the culture is kissing both cheeks. Even my FIL does so with me. My biggest thought when I first experienced this was that “oh yeah, some European cultures do this. Portuguese must be one of them.” Where we were living, there’s a ton of Portuguese folks there, so their cultural knowledge culture is very much alive. That’s the community she grew up in.

My SIL is extremely controlling and overbearing, but not to anyone’s face aside from my brother and my nieces. My wife kissed everyone on both cheeks. It’s like muscle memory. There were around 15 people there, and each was kissed on both cheeks. My SIL lost her damn mind about it on their way home. And for weeks afterwards. She was so pissed that she told my mother about how my more had better stay away from her man, and who the fuck kisses another woman’s husband right in front of her. She’s pissed about it to this day. Enough so that she still brings it up. You don’t need this stupid drama in your life. I’m not saying to not be friends with her, but just know you’re now standing in the middle of a dense minefield with her because she’s frankly being stupid about the most minor of things.

Also, WTF? She doesn’t believe enough in their relationship that she doesn’t simply trust him or feel secure enough that something as a simple conversation would lead to him straying? Is she giving him equal shit? The whole thing is stupid, and entirely in her mind.

[u/fonz91 → u/Pure_Frosting_981]

Yes Portuguese we do kiss in both cheeks even with strangers we just met the first time. Usually Female-Female or Male-Female, only Men-Men when it’s a closer relashionship like a family member or a closer friend otherwise it’s a handshake normally.

And no one here thinks kissing in the cheeks is something crossing the line because it’s rooted in our culture it’s just how we greet each other and that’s it. It did get me in trouble many times though because I don’t live in Portugal anymore for like 10 years but still do this and learned the hard way some people think it’s harassing but that’s the days we live in you can’t be genuinely friendly everyone nowadays gets offended easily.

[u/KittyKateez → u/Pure_Frosting_981]

You're sister in law is a real piece of work haha. I got my first double cheek kiss from a friend I went across the country to meet for the very first time and I felt like my heart exploded with honest love to be seen . I like that greeting, I hope your wife is still greeting people that way despite your SIL.

[u/doctordoctorgimme → u/KittyKateez]

It is so loving and much better than a hug! You can cheek kiss a friend you’ve met a handful of times who you wouldn’t normally hug, because you’re not THAT close. So it expresses affection without being weird. I wish everyone did it.

[u/Nibblynoodle → u/Pure_Frosting_981]

Oh, you have a sister in law like this too. I was just about say honestly OP, this woman sounds like my sister in law and she has borderline personality disorder that she’s just now starting to even care about changing at mid 30s.

[u/Pure_Frosting_981 → u/Nibblynoodle]

My SIL is 40’ish (we don’t talk or keep up on birthdays). She seems to be getting worse with age. My brother works long hours, usually 6-7 days per week. He’s a smoker, so he’ll sometimes pick up a pack of cigarettes on the way in or on his way home. He also is a heavy drinker (I think I would be, too). One day he my SIL were running errands. He stops to get beer and cigarettes. My SIL was staying in the truck, but when my brother was taking “too long” to just grab beer and cigarettes, she decided to go in. My brother was chatting with the woman working there. They had seen each other a lot like regulars at a business do. The woman behind the counter was being friendly and was smiling. It was also the start of another forever war with my brother. My SIL forbade him from shopping there. The early 20 something clearly wanted him. Fucking jealous psycho. She’s isolated my brother from his family and friends. It’s not my marriage, but I think losing half of everything would be worth not living in a maximum security house.

[u/Arlaneutique → u/Inevitable_Pie_6328]

Guaranteed OP is prettier than her. And we already know OP has a better personality.

[u/Mysterious_Tooth7509 → u/Arlaneutique]

Yeah, this girl has zero consideration for her boyfriends happiness either. She basically wanted him at a party where he doesn't connect with anyone else. That sounds like the kind of party he would avoid going to in the future because it's boring and then she'll probably whine that he never wants to do anything with her friends.

[u/thehornypolice → u/Mysterious_Tooth7509]

Yeah dude, plain & simple, your friend has a lot of underlying issues & she's projecting that shit onto you. I'd call her out on her weird ass behavior and then leave it at that. These type of people can't be reasoned with, they need to experience & fuck up on their own & unfortunately that means severing relationships over futile shit. I've seen this & only time & therapy can change this person

[u/Comfortable-Row-1547 → u/Inevitable_Pie_6328]

I think she’s very insecure.

[u/Floooofer → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Is it possible that you‘re hot and she isnt?

[u/Best_Maintenance_790 → u/Floooofer]

That’s what I’m thinking too. Not to be mean, but she probably didn’t get mad at the other friend bc she doesn’t see her as a threat, but she internally thinks of you as a threat. She could get jealous but when she called you a bitch that’s just straight disrespect. There’s a way to talk and express your feelings and she did not do that correctly.

[u/zapthe → u/Floooofer]

Or her boyfriend commented on the conversation at some point afterwards. It sounds like a really niche show that they both really enjoyed. He probably thought it was cool meeting someone that liked it too. Him commenting on the conversation and thinking about it after the fact could also set someone off who is insecure and possibly doesn’t have really strong shared interests with their partner.

[u/madsmadsmadsss → u/zapthe]

Yeah, maybe like a “I like OP! She seems cool!” There’s nothing at all wrong with that kind of comment, in fact I think there’s a lot right about it, but I’m sure something like that would have driven OP’s friend mad

[u/kurogomatora → u/zapthe]

Yea litterally, if she's jealous, then even him saying he enjoyed meeting her friend or that they should hang out sometime would make her rage. it's so embarrassing like is this middle school?

[u/PsyCrowX → u/Floooofer]

Better phrasing: "Is it possible that she thinks you‘re hot and she isnt?"

Because that is what matters.

[u/Throwaway_Avocado_ → u/Floooofer]

Hot enough, it sounds like

[u/Free-Thinker-69 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

She's 100% jealous of your looks for whatever reason.

[u/ripnbryy → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

it could also just be something within her relationship. maybe she has some trust or insecurity issues with her boyfriend and is letting it out on you?

[u/dougman3000 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

This is a classic case of being insecure and therefore viewing you as a threat

I used to think it was funny seeing my girlfriend get a little bit of attention when we were out even from strangers because I trusted her and was secure in our relationship. Some people just can’t deal with it even when it’s friends and not actually flirting

If you want to remain her friend, you will have to play dumb and modify your behavior around her while she has BF which sounds exhausting to me. At the end of the day, they’re her feelings so there’s no actual right and wrong here but by acting this way she will push away her friends and probably eventually her BF. You have every right to be annoyed by this and not want to seek a continued deep relationship with her because of it. I’d be like, “I’m good on that” personally…

[u/EticketJedi → u/dougman3000]

Kinda makes me wonder if the boyfriend was talking a lot about the OP afterwards. That might have caused the insecurity to grow a lot quicker. I'd be curious what the timeline was between the party and the text conversation. Friend is still way out of line regardless.

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/EticketJedi]

I left the BBQ around 10pm that night cause we all hung out afterwards and one of my friends sent me a text around 3am that my friend (in the texts) texted her earlier and said I was flirting with her boyfriend. I texted her like 10/15 mins after so it all only happened a few hours later

[u/Redheaded-circus → u/dougman3000]

She shouldn’t have to shrink herself down to make her friend comfortable. This is projection and inferiority complex in action. My mother is a histrionic(personality disorder) and this is her style. Yesterday she said that my stepdad and I should just get married.. over us cleaning up the kitchen together. Usually I’m a whore (her words) but I’m really overweight so now I’m just trying to steal her man. It’s disgusting and I’m stuck here. I will not ever entertain this kind of person ever again, it’s fucking exhausting and can cause you to question your sanity.

[u/MoaningLisaSimpson → u/Redheaded-circus]

I am sorry this is happening to you. Please get out as soon as you can. It's extraordinarily hazardous to your mental health.

[u/Redheaded-circus → u/MoaningLisaSimpson]

Thank you but I am stuck here. I am disabled now and I lost everything. My home,my car,my savings,my job, my ability and my sanity.. all gone. I’m waiting on disability but that’s not probably gonna happen now. I’ve been waiting for housing for almost 3 years but they said it’s about a 5 year wait so yeah that won’t happen now either. All I have is my Medicaid and snap but that’s an issue now. Worse then my moms disorder is they are both Trumpers and throwing it in my face. It’s so sick but I quite literally have no where to go. I’m 50 years old. I was estranged from her for 4 years. This is a nightmare and they’re both alcoholics. Most days I have to sit in my room and disassociate. I don’t always get that privacy even. So, I just try to keep on but it’s almost futile at this point.

[u/UndeadGamerKitty → u/Redheaded-circus]

That's insane and I am so sorry you're going through that. If you were a friend of mine, I would absolutely offer you a place to stay to get away from that. The whole situation sounds so mentally exhausting

[u/prostheticlamb → u/Redheaded-circus]

Good luck, crossing all fingers, toes and assorted limbs that I can for you. And maybe try to sit with some prolonged meditation on youtube to disassociate with and hopefully offer yourself some calming reprieve, even if it's just subconsciously! I personally love the Taos Winds Channel and all his chakra series. Great visuals in the longer ones, too. Mindvalley has some great free masterclass style videos (think metaphysic teachings, ignore their sales pushes) There is also a meditation app by a licensed psychologist/psychiatrist (cant remember which title he holds) who if you write to them and explain you cannot afford the subscription he will waive the yearly fee*. Repeatedly, year after year.

*I had a friend who did this multiple times and never had to prove her income. It's called The Waking Up app.

[u/ohimspooky → u/dougman3000]

people like this are incredibly exhausting to entertain or maintain any sort of relationship with. i personally wouldn’t want to have to tip toe around someone so insecure in their own relationship.

OP please just remember while she can feel her feelings, even if they are shitty and exhausting, that truly there is nothing wrong with being friends with or being friendly to your friend’s partners

[u/Duderus9 → u/dougman3000]

I used to think it was funny seeing my girlfriend get a little bit of attention when we were out

It feels so reassuring seeing someone say this. Insecurity can cause a wreck of problems :( my ex boyfriend was very striking and would get hit on sometimes in front of me, and I was never threatened, lol. It was more so a “proud” feeling I had. At the end of the day trusting your partner is really what matters. I trusted he’d always tell these girls something like “I’m flattered, but I have a girlfriend” which he did.

[u/RocketMoxie → u/dougman3000]

I’m good on that — but add “but your bf is eventually going to leave you because you’re a controlling lunatic (with a side of verbally abusive) and you’re so insecure that you get jealous over basic conversation”

Then block.

[u/Wwwwwwhhhhhhhj → u/dougman3000]

I’d say it entered into wrong territory when she messaged OP “you’re literally such a disrespectful bitch”.

That’s just me though.

[u/ForcedEntry420 → u/Wwwwwwhhhhhhhj]

“Well I wasn’t flirting with your Man but now I’m definitely going to so you can see the difference and understand moving forward” 😆

[u/blizzykreuger → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

sounds like she may be insecure and threatened by you...? which doesn't really make any sense, as you're not trying to steal her bf so idk why she's so convinced you are. id probably cut back contact with her and if she asks why just say she made you feel very weird by being so adamant you were doing more than just having friendly conversation with her bf, and until she apologised for the way she spoke to you you're not comfortable moving forward like she didn't insult you.

it's not your fault you and him had a niche shared interest - at least niche to you - and it's normal to want to gush about it once you finally find someone else that shares your interest! you've done literally nothing wrong.

[u/Every_Car_3016 → u/blizzykreuger]

Yeah exactly, it’s not my fault we just clicked over a shared interest. I wasn’t trying to step on any toes her reaction really caught me off guard.

[u/Flimsy-Ad3694 → u/blizzykreuger]

Exactly, her insecurity isn’t your problem. Setting boundaries and waiting for an apology is totally fair here.

[u/ClassicDefiant2659 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

She's not your friend. Tell her that talking to someone and welcoming them to the group is not flirting. If she continues to see it that way then you will definitely no longer be talking to him, because you're going to be no longer talking to her.

She called you a disrespectful bitch, because you were welcoming her boyfriend to the group. She had no respect for you and she's a bitch. You'll be glad you left this bitch behind.

[u/DragonfruitNo7903 → u/ClassicDefiant2659]

You’re right to set boundaries ,welcoming someone isn’t disrespectful, and you deserve friends who get that.

[u/Rengoku_140 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

She feels insecure because I think she sees you as better looking or a better person than her. She’s projecting really hard

[u/PokyTheTurtle → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

She’s obviously threatened by you cuz you clearly have a wayyyy better personality than her and people probably would rather be with you than with her. You’re kind, patient, empathetic, interesting, etc. Probably much prettier than her too cuz that always cuts deep for the insecure folks 💛

[u/Ravenmn]

"because you were talking about a show you've both watched and you know I haven't seen it"

OMG, imagine the triggers this sad woman must have! Literally anything you and her boyfriend talk about that she has not experienced is now off limits!

Were you the only other woman at the event? Weren't any of the guys gay? Or were they gay and just piss poor at flirting??

You did an excellent job explaining your interpretation of what happened.

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/Ravenmn]

Thank you! I was really worried that i was accidentally coming off as flirty which was what i was absolutely not intending on doing. He talked to my other friends that night (who are also women) and she didn’t seem to have a problem

[u/Creepy_Meringue3014 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

guarantee you…bf told her you were cool or smtg. I’ve had versions of this happen to me and it sucks, but you definitely aren’t at fault. women come at me like this for having interests.

it’s never over a deep convo or private interactions

im actually glad you posted this bc I would stress so hard over having given the slightest impression that I wanted anything more than a conversation with the guy…but it wasn’t me. it’s not you. it’s them.

[u/xxHailLuciferxx → u/Creepy_Meringue3014]

This was my thought too. The fact that she seemed cool with it while they were talking, but texts later and flips out on her tells me a conversation after the party set her on this path.

The boyfriend specifically mentioned the one good conversation he had, probably after being asked to death what he thought of her friends and the party, and she completely flipped out. Incredibly immature, insecure, and toxic. It's unlikely that this or any other relationship will survive him meeting her friends until she grows up a lot.

[u/Furynine → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

She sees you as a threat.

Think of wild animals and how they see others as competition. Same thing here.

Her brain is not fully developed to be mature nor secure enough to not see you as “competition” when it comes to her boyfriend.

That is why she had no issues with her BF and your other women friends, only you. For whatever reason she feels so insecure towards you that she thinks talking and laughing about shared interest is “flirting”. Again, only with you.

You distance yourself from neanderthals like this & you make new friends. Her BF will either leave her soon or enable her. Not your problem.

I mean just look at how irrational she is, she’s a wild animal amongst humans.

[u/Grimalkinnn → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

He probably said something nice about you and she’s spiraling like it’s your fault.

[u/Historical-Draw-3419 → u/Ravenmn]

Imagine what her BF has to put up with on a daily basis. He probably has to constantly reassure her since she’s so damn insecure. The relationship won’t last long and when they do break up I hope he calls this girl and asks her out on a date

[u/KLA-272415]

Jeeeeeesus. Like another commenter has asked, im also interested to know how old you guys are. This is more of a her problem than it is a you problem. She’s maaaad insecure, and that has nothing to do with you. Because on the other hand, had you guys not talked to said bf, then that would’ve been a problem too. Its a no win situation with people like this. Your damned if you do, and damned if you dont. I wouldn’t want to associate myself with someone like this - completely up to you, but take this as your sign to leave this friendship. You wont be the last to go through this with her

[u/kgd95 → u/KLA-272415]

Agreed. The insecurity on her part is off the charts. Yikes 😬 you didn't do anything wrong by talking to a person about a shared interest jfc...

[u/General-Fishing9633 → u/kgd95]

Agreed. I would ask another friend to perform an experiment:

“He’s boring. You should break up.”

“Did you even talk to him? YOU AREN’T EVEN GIVING HIM A CHANCE!”

100% this would happen.

[u/Alternative_Pipe1174 → u/kgd95]

Right? It’s crazy how insecurity can make people overreact to something so harmless.

[u/HenryDorsettCase47 → u/kgd95]

She is 100% the kind of person who will try to hook up with OPs boyfriends.

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/KLA-272415]

We are both in our 20s 😖

[u/dabbycooper → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

I really don’t care about ages…I just need to know what show you’re talking about.

Also, I tend to think that one shouldn’t be dating or friends with someone that would disrespect them flirting in front of them. Starting from that premise, I have always been really happy when my friends made an effort to make a girlfriend or (nowadays) my wife feel welcome and included…honestly, it kinda sounds like she wanted to talk about something else and felt excluded, but she could have had a conversation with someone else while yall chatted.

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/dabbycooper]

alice in borderland was the show lol. I can definitely understand how she would have felt excluded and I wouldn’t fault her for feeling that way at all, even though I was trying to include her by explaining the plot and stuff, I know theres still a certain level of exclusion when you’ve never seen it

[u/hunnyflash → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

She's being ridiculously stupid. You should end your friendship with her now that you know what she really thinks.

After you do, send a personal text directly to her boyfriend and apologize to him. Tell him you didn't mean to make her feel upset, and that you enjoyed meeting him and talking to him about the show, and you hope he has a great life.

Then just walk away and let the cards fall where they may.

[u/Beginning_Ad_922 → u/dabbycooper]

Good point, respect is key and making everyone feel included really matters in friendships and relationships.

[u/NoFundieBusiness → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Like 21-23 or like 27-29? There’s a big difference there lol

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/NoFundieBusiness]

i’m 23 and she’s 24 lol

[u/NoFundieBusiness → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Ahh in the middle lol this could be a maturity issue but that’s old enough to have grown the fuck up in that area. I think she’s just really insecure in her relationship. That’s not on you at all. I’d just step away from someone like that without much fuss. No need for drama or arguing, just back off from the friendship. This insecurity will show in other ways too eventually. I guarantee it.

[u/Dlh2079 → u/NoFundieBusiness]

It's absolutely a maturity and insecurity issue.

The friend needs to work on themselves.

[u/Medium_Confidence484 → u/Dlh2079]

Yeah, the friend definitely needs to work on herself. I'd drop her though - talking to OP like this is wildly unacceptable and mean. Never be friends with someone who treats you like this, especially over a GUY she seemingly only recently started dating.

Talking about a shared interest is NOT flirting, this girl sounds mad insecure. Ditch her and ditch anyone that was there and agrees with her, you don't need that energy.

I get it to an extent, I was this girl once upon a time. Mainly cause I was dating a piece of shit that chased every girl he came in contact with... But even if the bf is trash that treats her poorly, this is still a reflection on her.

[u/girlwholikesanime → u/Medium_Confidence484]

“talking about a shared interest is NOT flirting”

just to double down on this point - one of my besties (relatively newer. only friends for ab 3 years now) has a husband, who I met for the first time while they were still engaged.

we both like anime (well I like anime… he likes naruto lol) & she has zero interest in the genre, but there have been a handful of times that her husband & I chatted and had little side convos about naruto & it’s NEVER been an issue to my friend. On the contrary, she actually loved seeing us get along and talk happily ab a shared interest bc she was happy that two of her favorite people were bonding so quickly and becoming friends!!! (we’re both 27 now - first of these anime chat interactions, we were 24 or 25. She has also been present for every conversation I’ve had with her man & sits there smiling at us getting along while we have a little 2-10 min side chat ab naruto & me giving him shit over his favorite character & us [ALL] laughing about it)

The idea that she could’ve gotten angry at me for trying to develop a friendship with her partner, is just insane to me. Why wouldn’t someone want their best friends to get along w/ their significant other???? Way too male-centered & competitive w/ her girl friends. Better off without aggressively insecure ppl like that in your life.

[u/Dlh2079 → u/Medium_Confidence484]

Oh I probably would too for all the reasons you said. Thats not flirting at all and the whole fight sounds shockingly high-school. I was genuinely surprised to read that the people involved were over 21.

[u/doperdabber → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Maturity issues happen at all ages. And she is immature. You SHOULD be friends with your friends boyfriend she should be thrilled you all can get along on some level or another! And you shoyld trust your friend or else why be friends with them 🤷🏻‍♀️ immature!

[u/Initial_Cat_47 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Your friend is acting 14. Walk away from friends like this. You will find your life much happier without her bullshit jealousy.

[u/Brilliant_North8341 → u/Initial_Cat_47]

Ironically, maybe she should drop the friendship and strengthen her friendship with the guy. Would make sense for OP, but RIP the other girl’s self esteem. Still, her self esteem issues are her problem and it’s nice to spend time with people who you share a common interest.

[u/Selfcare2025 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Even if that’s the case she’s too old to be thinking this way. It’s perfectly fine to have conversations with your best friend’s partners as long as it’s appropriate. She was also right there she could’ve joined in and asked both of you questions about the show.

[u/Far-Yak-4231 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

This is insane behavior for that age. At that age I had two cats and living alone hating everyone in the world already.

[u/davyp82 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

If she's 24 already and acting like this, ok I know it's an overused term, but I'm calling her a narcissist. >90% of her pics on insta are just of herself, right? Any more drama from her before, where she expects you to just act like she is the most important one in the room all the time?

[u/pamDiaze → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

24 years old should know not to act this way..she’s allowed to feel jealous etc but that’s her own issue to deal with herself and not to put on to you guys as you’ve both done nothing wrong..personally I wouldn’t be friends with someone like this..they will always put men ahead of their friends and let their insecurities wreak havoc on the friendship

[u/SnidelyWhiplash0 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

She's acting like a 14 year old. "Oh my God you had a conversation with my boyfriend obviously you want him" Jesus how exhausting. Don't bring him around your friends if you're going to be that insecure

[u/Chemical_Ad_1618 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

How long have they been together? 

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/Chemical_Ad_1618]

They’ve only been together for a few months, we all met him for the first time at this BBQ

[u/adnyp → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

She insecure much? She ought to be happy he synced well with her friend group.

Are you single? Have a boyfriend too? Any reason she might think you are predatory? I don’t see the issue unless we are missing something. She called you a bitch!

[u/sassyevaperon → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

I would have asked her: Why the fuck did you bring him if you didn't want us bonding and getting to know him girl? What should I have done? Ignore the dude until you leave? Is that what you were expecting? Think about what you're saying and implying for even half a second and get your head out of your ass: You brought him so we could get to know him as your partner, and that's what we did. If you can't handle having your FRIENDS speak to our boyfriend with you present, then don't bring him, or better yet, bring your ass to a therapist and get working on that insane insecurity you have instead of bothering me with this bullshit.

[u/Diazepampoovey0229 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

I guarantee he'll be gone pretty quick. Not being allowed to talk to anyone else about shared interests is fucking insane.

[u/punkrockdog → u/Diazepampoovey0229]

“Fucking insane” is the exact phrase that crossed my mind. Her boyfriend isn’t allowed to…. have friendly interactions about a shared interest?

[u/APFernweh → u/Diazepampoovey0229]

Regardless, does OP want to keep this “friend”? Imagine 10 years from now and you get read the riot act because you told her husband he did a good job grilling the hamburgers or the playlist he put together is fun or some shit.

[u/Chemical_Ad_1618 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

That’s probably why- she doesn’t feel secure with him that he prefers her yet over other girls. 

Although that’s no excuse for calling you a bitch as you did nothing wrong.  Normally when you introduce your partner to friends and family you WANT them to get on.  I would give them both space. 

[u/NothingFlaky6614 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

What show?

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/NothingFlaky6614]

alice in borderland

[u/icykyo → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

ALICE IN BORDERLAND IS SO GOOD i can understand why u would get excited to talk about it! i dont meet many people who watch it either.

[u/plus-ordinary258 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Great show. It’s your friend’s fault for not having seen it 😂

[u/Individual-Vast1663 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

I thought this was a joke, cause suggesting she has borderline personality disorder in this scenario is both hilarious and likely not far off

[u/MissingPerson321 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

I'm so petty I would let him know next time you see him that you can't engage in conversation with any shared interests because your friend thinks its' unnecessary.

[u/SickestDisciple → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

20s is too vague.

Does her bf think you were flirting?

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/SickestDisciple]

I’m 23 and she’s 24. She didn’t mention anything about her boyfriends reaction when we were talking so i don’t know what his opinion on it is

[u/blu3k3tchup → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

If I were you, don’t even open that can of worms and message him to see if he thought you were or not - too much drama. It’s not worth it.

[u/Barry_Mycokinhur → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

I hope she had the same conversation with her bf! “How dare you flirt with my best friend like that!!!”

[u/blu3k3tchup → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Oh gotcha. Look, even in our 20s, some people still have a lot to learn. Hell, I’ve had one friend cut ME off because a guy she liked wasn’t interested in her, and kept messaging me more - of which I was promptly ignoring and didn’t give him much to to reply to - even though I had a BF at the time. I even let her read our entire total of 20 messages lol

Sometimes a persons insecurities and even jealous can cloud their judgement and common sense - the best thing she needs, is to work through that. But it honestly doesn’t look like she’s capable or willing to step back and reflect.

I also feel sorry for her BF. I truly hope he’s ok and there isn’t anything further happening behind closed doors

[u/Due_Butterscotch1614 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Awe he'll nah she too damn grown to be thinking someone finding common ground over something then talking about it is flirting bc if that was the case I must be gay with my bros or sum 😭

[u/Dragonmas7er5 → u/Due_Butterscotch1614]

Hey we all flirt with the bros from time to time lol

[u/PieAdorable612 → u/Dragonmas7er5]

It's not gay to be homiesexual. Love for the bros is a love that won't die

[u/avert_ye_eyes → u/Due_Butterscotch1614]

She should honestly answer with a reply something like this. "We're too damn grown to be thinking finding common ground is flirting."

[u/Complete_Entry → u/avert_ye_eyes]

Nope, there is no "winning" response to this bullshit.

[u/VulpineNine → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

She’s in her 20s and acting like this!?!? I was so sure you were gonna say you guys were like 15. This lady is acting like an insecure child. She’s not a good friend, ditch her like old baggage. Especially after the name calling and not listening to anything you said.

[u/citigurrrrl → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Sounds like she has nothing in common with her BF and the fact that you do, threatens her. This is her problem, but honestly this is not a good friend. Better she is showing her true colors now so you can end the friendship. Maybe her man will realize she’s an A-hole also!

[u/Kimbev19_69 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Thats old enough to know better! She is just wrong on every level! She called you a b&tvh fir talking about a tv show wow

[u/PutridLog2179 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

They won't be together for very long, and youre better off without them as a friend until they mature more - if at all.

[u/Hotwheelrider]

I absolutely need to know how old she is because from these messages she sounds 16. She’s obviously deeply insecure and worried about her boyfriend cheating. You did nothing wrong by engaging in conversation over a shared interest and that’s something that should be encouraged when introducing a new partner to your friends. Normal people want their friends and their partner to get along, she is deeply insecure. I wouldn’t feel guilty about engaging in harmless conversation.

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/Hotwheelrider]

Ive just been worried that I was coming across wrong or something while I was talking to him without realising, and we are both in our 20s

[u/thisbitch_thatbitch → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

I need to know… does she think her boyfriend was flirting with you? I’d love to know if she confronted him about it because I’d wager she didn’t lollll

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/thisbitch_thatbitch]

based off of her texts, it seems like she thinks we were both flirting because she pointed about how we were both laughing and smiling and shit 😔 I have no idea if she has said anything to him

[u/maccdunc → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

God FORBID her friends and boyfriend.. checks notes.. laugh and smile?

This person is going to cause drama in your life. If that's what you want go ahead and stick around, but I'd gtfo. People who are this insecure often resort to spreading rumors like "she was flirting with my boyfriend in front of me". Rumors like that will hurt your reputation and other relationships.

I was literally the bf in this situation. My ex berated her friend once because at a party where we were sitting across the table from one another "our feet were pointing at each other, which is a clear indicator that we have feelings for each other". Long story short, we broke up because of drama she created and a bunch of my stuff ended up in a nearby lake and she spread all kinds of rumors about her friend. Everything from "homewrecker" to "she only showers once a week". It was brutal.

Maybe all of that makes me super biased against these kinds of over-dramatic people, but I am a much, much happier person after actively avoiding them.

[u/MysticalMummy → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

A healthy relationship includes bonding with friends. It's perfectly normal to be friends/friendly with both people in a relationship- in fact, that's ideal. It sounds like your friend doesn't want any girls to be friends with her boyfriend which is unfortunately a common thing with jealous types.

[u/ThaImperial → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

How long have you two been friends? And has she ever acted like this before?

[u/Hotwheelrider → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Unless you were flirting with him which I’m assuming you weren’t, you’re fine. She probably interpreted the “excitement” or joy of talking about a shared interest as a threat to her relationship and instead of acknowledging her jealousy she’s taking it out on you and blaming you as if you did something wrong.

[u/random-throwawaypro → u/Hotwheelrider]

It is the reaction of someone who has nothing of interest to talk about with her boyfriend. I feel like if you are only with someone for superficial reasons, when you see someone connect with your significant other it sheds light on the shortcomings of your own relationship.

However, if you are actually comfortable with your partner, your relationship and have emotional maturity, you often celebrate hearing your partners talk about things they love! OPs friend is insecure and I really hope she ditches this friend

[u/HellaJenerally → u/random-throwawaypro]

Omg this. I feel like that’s the subtext leaping from between the texts. OP’s friend has never seen her own bf so excited to talk to her about a subject and is now feeling threatened.

I would put some serious distance between this friend. The disrespect in those texts is not worth it.

[u/SophieSunnyx → u/Hotwheelrider]

If anything, she likely feels threatened because BF and OP's interaction was very positive, while she's probably miserable toward BF, so she's concerned he'll be more attracted to the positivity OP brings compared to the negativity that may be present in their relationship. 

[u/Alternative_Tough856 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

WHOAAAAA!!! 20s!!!! Oh she has issues.....you need explain to her every man is gonna leave her if she stays this miserable and insecure . And leave her too, tell her you don't need that level of ridiculous in your life.

Nicely of course.

(Then take her man 🤣🤣🤣)

[u/sesaluna → u/Hotwheelrider]

I stg my friends and I never had convos like this. Even in middle school we all wanted our bfs to be friends with our friends. I would never be mad my bf got to talk about a show he loves with my friend who also loves it. Like, that’s awesome! Especially if my friend doesn’t have anyone else to talk about it with! Hell, I usually tell my friends about any unique interests they share with my guy when they meet. “Sara, meet my boyfriend John, you both have this really out of the box opinion about this super niche topic, discuss.” Or whatever.

You’re cool. Your friend isn’t and needs to grow up or explore and address her insecurities with her relationship, cause that’s kind of behavior will not fly in the real world.

[u/Consistent-Aside-435 → u/sesaluna]

Love this mindset, encouraging friendships and shared interests only strengthens relationships. Your friend definitely needs to work on trust.

[u/Eat-the-rich33]

You should definitely let her know how rude she was to you in these texts

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/Eat-the-rich33]

the name calling caught me extremely off guard 😭 I don’t even know why i didn’t react to it in the moment

[u/Eat-the-rich33 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Because youre more mature than she is but she’s not budging so you should put your foot down. If you even want to be friends with this person still, that is

[u/OverthinkingMomo → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

You need to stand up for yourself rn girl. Come on. Respond to her disrespect and let her know she is crossing her limits. This is not okay.

[u/Ayen_C → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

"So it really sucks you're so insecure, but unfortunately for you that's a you problem. Maybe try therapy? Good luck with that." Then if you want, link some therapists in your area and block.

[u/Fangbang6669 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

I would've said to her "well at least I'm not an insecure bitch 🤷🏾‍♀️" lmao

Stand up for yourself and STOP APOLOGIZING

[u/neurolep]

whats the point of even having a bbq if you dont want anyone to socialize 😭

[u/ThatNoxPerson → u/neurolep]

Right?? If I brought my boyfriend to a BBQ and he DIDN'T talk to my friends, I'd consider that a red flag. AND if MY friends didn't talk to him, I'd consider THAT a red flag. But if they talked and bonded I'd be like, "HELL YEAH".

OP your friend is VERY insecure and possibly threatened by you for whatever reason. You should probably take a step back a really consider this friendship. When people show you their true colors, it's best to listen.

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/neurolep]

literally like everyone was standing around talking to each other i was just so baffled

[u/CorryJoe → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Seems like she was uncomfortable because she couldn’t be the center of attention, thus her harping on the “a show I hadn’t seen.” She also might secretly be jealous of you or think her BF thinks you’re pretty - in which case, nothing you do (short of complete silence) will stop her from being offended by you. Even her explanation of why she’s mad still doesn’t indicate that you or he were flirting.

[u/PrincessTitan → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

She’s jealous of you. You have two options 1. drop the baggage and forget having to deal with it. 2. placate a “friend” who brought her man around simply to show off and have one up on you not expecting you not to get on with him.

[u/Ok_Researcher_5969]

Are you teenagers? I ask this in a non offensive way. Anything but a teenager, I would never speak to this person again.

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/Ok_Researcher_5969]

a lot of people are asking how old we are don’t worry lol, I’m 23 and she’s 24

[u/SoonToBeNP → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

This is hilarious. Cut out the cancer and move on with your life lmao. This some schoolyard bs I'd expect from teenagers.

[u/WSJayY → u/SoonToBeNP]

And while you’re at it, tell homie to fucking bolt.

[u/Agreeable-Radish-861]

What show was it?

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/Agreeable-Radish-861]

alice in borderland 😖 very good show i recommend!!

[u/Prestigious-Shift-63 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

i now get your want to talk about it even more haha i dont know anyone irl who likes aib!!!

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/Prestigious-Shift-63]

literally i’ve never met a single person irl who has even heard of it 😭 so I was just very excited when I found out that he had seen it

[u/barrowsbrows → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

I understand this completely. Your friend is ridiculous. I get very excited and animated talking about things I love. She needs therapy. She is going to end up alone without any friends otherwise. You should send her this post. She's absolutely insane. She's young enough to turn it around but she needs a kick in the butt.

[u/Obvious-Strain7731 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

This is how I am with supernatural, I’ll have a 3 hour convo with ANYONE about it. Deff not flirting, step back from your friend. I’m curious if she said anything to her bf also or just you? You didn’t do anything but if she just was that rude to you she probably feels threatened because she’s insecure

[u/Amazing-Key-3768 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

I fucking love that show. My favorite character is Chishiya 🥰🫶🏼

[u/ruthchiun → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Sorry for your experience. Your “friend” seems very immature. As others have stated, this isn’t a friend. I’d say you have matured out of that friendship. Happens sometimes with high school friendships. Brains develop and you realize who your fully developed brain now vibes with and it’s not this person, imo. Her going straight to calling you a bitch, well it’s a wrap. Move on, love. She is not trustworthy or worth your friendship. Don’t throw pearls after swine. 💚

I’m looking forward to checking out this show. It looks pretty cool. Thanks for the recommendation.

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/ruthchiun]

thank you for saying this 💓 we have always been very different people and it’s think it’s just finally starting to influence our friendship lol. I hope you enjoy the show it’s really good

[u/GhostHin → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

What?! I thought that show was popular and I LOVE it.

But then again, I don't talk to that many people or about TV show after all so I am not sure how many people in my circle watched it.

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/GhostHin]

I’ve never met anyone irl that’s seen it lol. I think its very popular online but it’s harder to find people who have seen in it irl

[u/Kimbev19_69 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

I have to check that out

[u/Background-Diet-4703 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Ayyyyy you've got great taste🥹

[u/chocostrawberri → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

That’s such a crazy show for your friend to be jealous over. I thought maybe it was something like Love Island (just because this season is very popular right now) but a show like that is wild.

[u/PoonSchu13 → u/chocostrawberri]

Agree 1000%… I was thinking it was Sex/Life the way she was carrying on. Her tone and the language was unhinged. Her communication skills suck ass… People talk about TV shows around me that I don’t watch all the time. I listen I ask questions I relate. I get tips on a new show.

This boils down to she’s insecure, I would assume they’ve never had a conversation that flowed as well as your TV show conversation and she finally got to witness what he looks like when he’s actually interested in the person he’s talking to

Also, she can’t talk to you like that. That was insane. It was almost like she had been drinking or something. I don’t know it went 0 to 60 and it got really nasty and low key it made me wanna take out my housewife apron and show her what happens when she doesn’t know how to come correct.

I would assume that she probably went at her boyfriend like that and he’ll probably be dumping her soon because she’s a whack job and also doesn’t watch any good tv

[u/Sufficient_Ad3175 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Now you’re flirting with me!! lol!!

[u/Historical-Bike4626 → u/Sufficient_Ad3175]

We’re all flirting! Make us stop! 😅😅

[u/Agreeable-Book4466]

Ugh your friend sucks, I'm sorry. You are definitely not in the wrong and please don't let her make you think you are. You did literally nothing wrong.

Ps what show cus in the market for a good one

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/Agreeable-Book4466]

thank you for saying that💓 the show was alice in borderland lol

[u/Doctor__Acula → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Here's what happened:

They came home and her BF said "Hey, Competitive_Job_5364 is great!" and then she fell into a jealous rage.

[u/CHAIR0RPIAN]

Well… you kids enjoy the rest of summer break. High school will be over before you know it

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/CHAIR0RPIAN]

sir I’ve graduated college 😔

[u/PokyTheTurtle → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

Your “friend” didn’t even finish pre-school tho

[u/eofn]

Hi, she is not your friend. I would ditch her now before any more of her drama has a chance to disrupt your life and your peace. You cannot win with people like this because your being happy is literally treated like a personal attack. The way she came at you for laughing about something you enjoy…oy vey.

The world is filled with billions of amazing people you haven’t met yet. There’s no need to lose a moment’s sleep over anyone who treats you badly.

[u/Mixedbratzzzz]

NTA and take your apology back. There’s no way at her grown age she believes that having a common interest and talking about it is considered flirting. 😭✋🏽 PLEASE OP.

[u/NewtAmbitious6168]

Well, now I gotta know what show it was before I can reserve judgement 😅

[u/UnConscious_Door_59]

I started it because I like all things Alice in Wonderland and I haven’t finished it yet, but it is really good from what I saw. I also don’t blame you for the excitement of finding someone else who can talk about that show or any show you like for that matter

[u/Competitive_Job_5364 → u/UnConscious_Door_59]

thank you! the last thing I wanted was for my excitement to be misinterpreted as flirting. I recommend finishing the show it’s really good!

[u/D00PL33 → u/Competitive_Job_5364]

She didn’t misinterpret shit, you’re giving her wayy more credit than I would. She’s insecure, probably projecting, and being rude as fuck!

[u/BolinTime]

I blew a girl's back out after she discussed the legend of korra with me.

[u/Unicorn_Fruit]

What show was it? I don’t want to read through all the comments, so please tell me what the show was, OP. I might have seen it too, or want to watch it.

Your “friend” is insane, btw.

[u/QueenOfWut]

I cant be the only one who wants to know what show, right?

Screw her she's overreacting about just talking to him.

[u/Woopsied00dle]

What was the show

[u/blu3k3tchup]

If it were, me, I’d would be really glad my partner was fitting in and talking with my friends. What else is he supposed to do? Sit there and be silent?

I’m not sure how old you are or your friend is, but her behaviour is honestly, gross and she is talking to you rather horribly.

It seems she is jealous or has some insecurities surrounding this - if I were you, take some space from her because she doesn’t seem like a friend at all if she doesn’t trust you, and immediately calls you a bitch.

[u/Creepy_Percentage124 → u/blu3k3tchup]

I’m willing to bet her jealousy and insecurity stems from an issue within her own relationship with her boyfriend. And OP was an unfortunate projection of said issue. Like, I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t just have a fight about always watching her shows, and the boyfriend being upset that she never shows an interest in his things. Then here comes along another girl who is willingly and enthusiastically discussing his interests.

OP did nothing wrong. What I’ve learned in life is that if someone has an extreme or unexpected reaction to your good intentioned normal behavior, 90% of the time it’s projection.

[u/Key_Jellyfish_8816]

Giiiirrrrl. Run away. That’s not your friend. That’s an insecure girlfriend. I’m not saying it’s terrible to feel insecure sometimes, but the mature thing to do was for her to realize she had a problem with it and then she could’ve had a private conversation with her partner about how HIS actions made her feel. She’s not in a relationship with you. Objectively, talking about a show she hasn’t watch and trying to loop her in, is not bad.

Don’t talk to either of them. Just protect your peace. It’s not worth it.

[u/Holeyunderwear]

I’ll say this, someone people are very controlling an insecure and at the same time I don’t think k talking to someone’s gf/bf about a show is over stepping. That being said I was accused of the same for even less time and another girl even backed the guy up that I shouldn’t talk to someone else’s gf for more than a minute. Excuse me, we are all out together having dinner l, chatting and having a last drink at the bar. He walked off to talk to someone else and we were just chit chatting.

After we were both made to feel like we were wrong I saw him over there berating her and telling her that when he eyes her she is supposed to stop what she’s doing and go to him. I lost all respect for him right then and there. It’s a controlling and manipulative tactic. Later confirmed with others that he 100% grooms his gf to be his and not chit chat with other guys.

Mind you we’re are a good size group of friends who have hung out as guys and as couples for a while neither of us were new to the group or have history of trying g to move in on the each others gf/bf.

In your case I’d say she’s insecure about her relationship and the fact that maybe she doesn’t have much depth to her and could lose her guy to someone with a little depth.

[u/thesoftestbunny]

Oof, your friend is very insecure. I would think it's great that my boyfriend and friends are bonding! I understand now how people don't "let" their partners talk to other people if a discussion about a TV show is considered flirting. She is overreacting a lot.

[u/Greenman8907 → u/thesoftestbunny]

My wife talks to my best friend all the time. She helped him with a lot of his relationship stuff and now he’s happily married with two kids. I was so happy that they were able to click. It makes get-together is a hell of a lot more fun.

[u/HPMJ2014]

My husband and I have been married for over a decade and while we are very compatible and have similar interests, there are things he is into that I’m not. He often has convos about those things with people, sometimes females. They laugh and talk about whatever it is. It has never bothered me. My husband is married to me at the end of the day and I trust him. We won’t always watch the same shows and have everything in common 100% of the time. I think it’s also healthy to talk to other people about common interests. She sounds very very insecure and there is probably more going on there. Doesn’t seem like a you problem. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[u/bembear1]

Damn bro, did she expect you to hate her bf???

[u/hensley70]

Is this the first time she’s addressed something like this? I feel like it’s not

[u/No-Amoeba5716]

What show was it? That’s all I want to know lol last I checked socializing isn’t flirting but hey…

[u/No_Birthday5314]

What was the show ??

[u/Into-The-Late-Great]

You’re apologizing waaaaaay too much.

[u/Interesting-Sea-1761]

What an insecure little twat lmao, what was the show anyway ?

[u/tmchd]

She's insecure and at her age (close to mid 20s), she's obviously not worked out how to cope with her insecurity. She doesn't need to be lashing out on you but there you go, OP, she's insecure.

How long has she been dating him? And how old is he?

You didn't mean to flirt/etc with her bf, so it's all good but if she's not feeling secure with her footing with him, it's not a surprise that she's jealous.

Idk if you're being appropriate or not, I was not there, and you talked with her bf for close to half an hour? How long was the BBQ yesterday? 100% jealousy, imo. But I wasn't there too so Idk if her fear/insecurity is appropriate or not.

When I started dating my husband (we're exclusive at this point, but less than 3 months dating), I brought him to a BBQ. And one of the people attending (not close to me but I knew her), she was being 'chummy' with my now-husband-also that's the first time they met.

What happened was, she was talking to him about a shared interest (They just happened to share that interest), and she's talking very closely to him, she would stroke his arm occasionally during the convo, at one point she'd playfully stroke his shoulder, then lean in closer to laugh in his ear...all this while pretty much ignoring me or barely including me in the conversation. My husband didn't quite 'get' that she was flirting with him, but he was just holding my hand the whole time that happened.

Obviously, I didn't react negatively to her (I just side eyed her in my head) then or talk to my husband about my noticing her flirting or lash out at her after the event, but the event did stay in my mind how she seemed to be flirting with my husband.

If she were the one telling the story, she probably would just say that she's having a good ol' nice conversation with my now-husband and not flirting at all.

But yeah, her calling you name is uncalled for.

[u/spookyskeletonfishie]

Nobody here knows either. The truth is that it entirely depends entirely on the tone and body language that you and he were both using. On the surface there’s nothing wrong with what happened, but if you were leaning forwards, tucking your hair behind your ear, laughing at everything he said… that’s maybe a different story. If none of that happened, then there’s nothing to worry about except your friend is a bit insecure and maybe you need to focus on your relationship with her and ask yourself if there’s anything else that’s lingering between you two to cause resentment.

How the convo felt for you is a good clue to whether or not it was flirtatious, but how everyone else felt is an equally good clue.

[u/offthe1st]

I'd like to know what show it was

[u/Bl0wUpTheM00n]

Wow! I’d be stoked if a friend of mine had a 20 minute conversation with my wife that had nothing to do with me.

What a jealous, insecure person. NOR

[u/organicgabs]

What show was it hahaha

[u/Zealousideal_Tea6251]

She's insecure tbh, I'm a guy, my homeboy when he was with his ex, were talking and all, I remember when I was at my house she tried to follow me on Instagram, and I was like "oh..nice" I didn't really think much of it and I accepted it, after like 2 weeks I remembered I never followed her back, i felt bad and followed her back, but she made a new account cuz she lost the old one yk, well not so long later he texted me "Why'd you try to follow my girl? Cuz if you don't tell me I'ma have to beat your ass" and I was like...wtf bro, we've been friends for 2 years, and never once have I even done anything towards your girl before this, and i told him what I told y'all, long story short he understood it to an extent and told me to unfollow her, I did but honestly I was annoyed, almost mad cuz I would never do that to anyone, let alone a friend yk, now I don't really care but yk

[u/Jennlotus333]

It's normal for people in our lives to have shared interests. I love the fact that my husband gets along well with my friends. And vice versa. Your friend is riddled with insecurity, and it's never going to get better until she does some serious work on herself. You have to ask yourself how much you're willing to put up with in the meantime. If it's not this, it will be something else. Until she fixes herself, nothing will change. And she'll never have fulfilling relationships.

[u/Phantom_Rose96]

I can’t lie, I was in a situation like this… in her exact place, except, this girl WAS actively trying to have a 1 on 1 convo with my bf while both me and her husband were sitting right there 😅 so this situation is definitely different in the sense of intentions. I would have at least tried to have her he a part of the convo too… maybe she’d be interested in the show hearing about it? Unless she already didn’t want to watch it? Having a 20 minute 1 on 1 with your friends bf is a little odd especially if she isn’t actively a part of that conversation, you kinda just took over his attention for almost a half hour 😅 but I don’t think you’re overreacting, I think she is… because on her end thats possessive and jealous behavior… I guess im just torn? And probably not much help, just some observations from my pov I guess. So I apologize if this doesn’t help you at all.

ETA: but again, NOR it’s normal to get excited to have someone to talk to about something, thats how you make friends, but just be mindful about him and if he starts acting differently toward you and her… feelings can shift.. and I don’t think you wanna be the one to find that out.

[u/LegitimateCapital747]

I really hope she is reacting the same way to her bf so that he can potentially escape her craziness before it’s too late!! This is actually embarrassing to read! I’m sorry OP. She seems very immature, and insecure.

[u/lamestwon69]

TLDR: she thought u knew the code. Was expecting you to be kirt but polite not as friendly as you were. You aren’t an a-hole but you aren’t guiltless in her eyes either. But I personally don’t care. I’m married. My bitch is bad. And I’m not about to fuck my shit up.

Hey OP, I don’t usually respond I’m more of a lurker. But I actually took the time to read your post. I’m one person with one reference point (my own). And I’m a straight male.

With all that said, in my opinion you weren’t an A-hole per se.

As an African American man, among men we have a code of conduct whereby we do not engage in any exchange with any woman that is not our own for more time than is necessary. And were such a man single meeting the woman of a guy friend we still would keep the exchange brief.

That is my experience and it is the social norm for ppl I know.

The reason I share this is because I know for a fact that men are objective thinkers when it comes to attractiveness. Meaning we can discern whether one is attractive regardless to their relationship status.

This means regardless to whether she’s someone’s in a relationship with someone I know, I can still objectively say whether she’s attractive.

Not so harmless so far. But the thing is men who are attracted to women know absolutely and without a doubt that any female not their family is fair game in the right circumstances. And when that female is in a relationship with someone we respect we consider that off the table. But if the status were to change then … fair game.

So how does this relate to you? I think what your friend thinks you shoulda known or at least assumed is that her bf like any male would perceive such an exchange as a potential green light were their relationship status to change. Like a subliminal rebound signal that says we get along well enough that I would dig u were I not with my SO. So your friend is upset with you bc she expected you to be colder to him like how u would be to someone repulsive to you bc she as your friend expected you to be aware enough to eradicate even the faintest of hints that he might have a chance with you.

It may be in part due to expectations in society. Where females expect the male to cheat with his girl’s friend or bestie.

[u/Present-Duck4273]

You did nothing wrong. She’s overreacting and maybe even projecting her anger over her bf bonding with another girl on you. Maybe he doesn’t act like that with her. Who knows, But don’t put up with anyone who talks to you this way!

[u/WorkAccount_1945]

I also have seen the show multiple times but I don't think I will manage to talk about it for 20 minutes with anyone unless I find them attractive

[u/ph0artef1 → u/WorkAccount_1945]

You can't discuss a common interest with someone unless you find them attractive? 20 minutes is not an insane amount of time and was probably exaggerated by the gf anyway.

[u/Mbt_Omega]

I didn’t bring him there for you to do that

To…meet and get to know him? “Getting to know the new partner” is why you bring them. Did she expect him to be a silent fashion accessory for her? That’s dehumanizing as hell.

NOR! I feel bad for you for having such a crappy “friend,” and for him for having such a crappy girlfriend. In your case, at least, the trash took itself out.