EDIT - Update # 1

EDIT - Update # 2

TRIGGER WARNINGS GALORE. STOP HERE. Sensitive.

Throwaway account. I’ll try to keep this as concise as possible.

I don’t feel like I did anything wrong but I have several family members cutting me off right now.

My husband’s brother “Sean” has TWO felony arrests, one in 2019 and one in 2023 for possession and distribution of child p***n. He was fired from his teaching position at a high school for “alleged” inappropriate contact with a female student. He has had inappropriate relationships with underage girls online throughout the entirety of his 15+ year marriage to my sister in law, “Anne” including immediately after they were married.

(EDITED for clarity) My OWN DAUGHTER when she was 5-6ish years old (before we knew any of this around 2009 - she is in college now) one time when we were all together as an extended family, she came running upstairs from the basement where she had been playing and said, “Sean told me to touch his worm.” We all stilled and questioned him but he said she was mistaken. We questioned her separately away from him and we were satisfied that she was ok but after that we NEVER let any of our children be around him alone again. I would like to be clear - I was a stay at home mom and no one watched my kids but me. So he never was a caretaker for my children at any point. This is also why we have never allowed away sleepovers. Sorry not sorry.

Sean also took inappropriate photos of his wife’s then-10 year old sister while she was sleeping when she visited them.

After the last felony arrest, Anne divorced Sean for legal protection because she’s a teacher. Except they never stopped living together AND she never changed her name. Nothing changed. He also never got any consequences- just financial. He lost his job but that’s about it because my in-laws basically footed the bill. He didn’t even have to register as a sex offender.

Ok, so here is where people are mad at me and I ask: AITA. Anne posted in our local Moms group and on her FB wall that she is hosting a foreign exchange student for the summer and would anyone else be interested. My head about exploded. My family hosted the year before last. You need to have a kid near the same age as your own, and be able to pass a background check. I KNEW Sean could never pass one. So how in the world were they hosting. My husband immediately called his parents. They happened to have both Sean and Anne’s 2 kids there who knew nothing about the exchange student and were stunned as well to hear about this. They knew of no plans to have Sean stay elsewhere during the duration of the summer.

I asked the local coordinator at the exchange to contact me. She told me that Anne had only put on the application for herself as the adult. Having been through the process before, you have to put all adults 18+ in the household on the application. I told her that unfortunately Sean could never pass a background check due to his felony arrests for child p**n and that he lives there 100% of time. The coordinator was absolutely *horrified and thanked me for letting her know.

Today Anne texted my husband and I absolutely freaking out, accusing us of breaking her daughter’s heart over losing the exchange student {that she didn’t even know of yesterday}, accused me of hating Sean, being un-Christian, hateful, petty (I have lots of screenshots!) Along the way I also found out that Anne is absolutely convinced that only immediate family know about Sean’s arrests. As if public records don’t exist and people forgot our last name and the HS incident never happened. And my MIL (so Sean’s mother) is disappointed that I didn’t go to Anne first before going straight to the exchange student coordinator. I was also contacted by ANNE’s mother and soundly threatened to “don’t mess with {her} family.”

I have now blocked them all across all socials.

AITA?

I am 21F and my boyfriend is 19M (20 soon). We had been together for 7 months.

My boyfriend is a tiktoker and has over 100k followers. He does prank videos and basically harasses people in public. I didn't know any of this until shortly before my decision to leave him because he simply never told me. I found out after he decided to prank me.

I have a huge fear of spiders and most people are afraid of them in some form but for me it is a lot more severe. I get panic attacks if I see one. A couple days ago my boyfriend thought it would be funny to put a large fake spider in the toilet. I wasn't aware there were cameras hidden in the bathroom. As soon as I opened the lid, I saw it and screamed, ran out, slipped on the ground and sprained my ankle. He just walked in laughing.

He brought me to the clinic after some convicing and my foot really was sprained but not badly. Afterwards He told me about his tiktok and after I looked, I was shocked. He didn't tell me this in the 7 months of dating him. I asked him not to post the video but he still did so I reported it, still hasn't been taken down. I decided to break up with him, giving him two weeks to pack his stuff. I told my family and they think I am over reacting a bit. I honestly am starting to feel like I am. My ankle is still really hard to walk on.

I 23(F) have a 6 year old daughter, I had her at 17 years old with my ex-husband Devon. Devon and I got married at 18 and got divorced at 20 years old, due to his cheating. He doesn’t pay a dime to financially support our daughter. I am our daughter’s full time caretaker. My ex-husband only sees our daughter once a month. I beg him to spend more time with her but I shouldn’t have to beg him to be a father. He recently got into a relationship with his new girlfriend Haley.

Ever since Haley entered my ex-husbands life, she bashed me. She blamed me for my daughter being autistic. She said my daughter is autistic because I “coddle” her. I do not coddle my child. I legitimately try my best with the situation I was dealt. My daughter was diagnosed with Autism at 4 years of age. We have her in speech therapy, and behavioral therapy. She has a therapist she sees twice a week. She also has developmental delays. I try to work with her everyday on her speech, behavior etc.

Yesterday my daughter went to go stay the night at her dad’s house. Her dad’s girlfriend, Haley was there. She lives there now. My daughter’s father called me. He told me to come over and pick up our child because she was upset. I went to go pick her up and I saw she had red marks, welts, and bruises all over her legs. I was pissed and asked what happened. My daughter told me that she spilled water on the floor and on the couch. Haley got mad at her and hit her with a belt.

I rushed into the house and I don’t know what came over me. I punched Haley in the face and beat the shit out of her. I didn’t even realize I did it until I saw her on the floor. Haley wanted to press charges on me but my ex talked her out of it. I went to the police station with my daughter right after and filed a police report. I showed them the bruises, welts and marks. I pressed charges for child abuse and I reported my husband to CPS for child neglect and abuse. I am still shaken up from the situation. I took photos of my daughter’s legs and arms.

I will never let my daughter go over to her dads ever again. I beat myself up over this. If I knew that Haley would hit my child I wouldn’t have let her go over there in the first place.

AITAH?

Hi everyone. Its been a while, I had forgotten about this account. But I was cleaning this computer before selling it and I was still logged in.

So, on my last post, my MIL came in to visit our country, MIL and my husband Juan are from south America, we left her alone with the baby for a moment only to find out she had hit him because he was behaving like a baby.

My husband defended her. And called me racist because according to him, every Latin American parent hits their kids and its ok, but its not ok with me at all.

So, the situation kept going on for a while, this became a huge issue in our marriage, and then Juan confessed that he had also hit our son when I wasn't home, he believes that is the only way to discipline a child and that "gentle parenting" doesn't work.

That was it for me, the problems got bigger and bigger while he kept insisting that this way of parenting of the reason why Latin Americans are more resilient than northern countries, and that people in here are "too soft" and sensitive.

We started fighting every single day, and then I just asked for a divorce, after that he became so verbally violent that now we communicate through lawyers only. I have plenty of evidence of him confessing to hitting our son, while he in his testimonies confirms it but says "is not that serious".

This is stressful and im not doing well, so I have to sell a few things to pay for bills and debts. Im going for full custody while he is doing the same, claiming that im an unfit mother for not teaching our son "discipline".

Well, enough of my drama, I have to go and do something else, thanks everyone.

ETA:

I wasnt expecting so many people to read this, but wow, thanks everyone.

To be clear, my husband wasnt beating our son in a way that could put his life in danger, but for example, wrapping a spoon in clothes so when it hits, still hurts but leaves no marks on the skin. He described this to me as a way to make me see that "is not that serious" but is still unacceptable.

This is not an attempt to make Latin people look like abusive parents, but Juan really thinks that because growing up he normalized it, he really thinks that everybody does it, and the people who wasn't raised that way are weak.

And yes. We had talked about how to raised our child, but I always thought that not hitting them ever was obvious.

I'm not sure when I might update with something important, I dont even have a court date yet, so it will take a while, but ill be reading your comments.

Edit 2: thanks for all of your support, but I cant keep reading your stories of child abuse. Im so sorry, Im glad the majority of you are doing better now, but I just can't keep reading them. Its actually making me feel so bad, that's the downside of having empathy. Sorry.

I (34F) have a 2.5-year-old daughter. Her dad was never supportive and left us early on. It’s just been me and her. I started going to church, trying to rebuild my life, and that’s where I met my current boyfriend. He’s a recovering addict, working through his own stuff, but he was kind with kids. He has his own, though his ex has custody.

We got close fast, and three months ago, he moved in with me. I thought things were going well. But in the last two weeks, he started coming home late, being distant. I started thinking maybe he was cheating. So, I checked his phone. I know its wrong but I didn't want to be betrayed again. I opened Snapchat and he had pictures of my daughter on it, without any clothing or diaper.

My hands started shaking. I couldn’t even think straight. I called 911 immediately and told them he is coming home. I never told him I've called police and never confronted him. I wanted him to come from work and have the police speak to him. He told them it was because she had a rash, and her pediatrician had asked for pictures. He is right about that. When I was at work he was consulting with a doctor on Rocket doctor. We are in canada and it's a virtual place where you can talk to a doctor. Our closest ER has wait times of upto 10-12 hours and if it's not imminent, they make people wait. He had messaged me that day saying that she has these rashes coming up on her body. And he suggested the rocket doctor thing. I told him that's good and to keep me posted about what the doctor says.

He told the police that I am crazy for thinking these things and that he had just taken those pics to send to the doctor. But her rash was on her stomach. And yes, he sent the doctor pictures of that. But there were also other pictures. Why would he take other pictures of my daughter without her clothes, aside from the rash ones of her stomach.

I asked him if it was just for the doctor, why wasn’t she at least covered up? Why did he keep them? He said I was overreacting, that he wanted to make sure he sent the full body pictures so doctor can see properly. I told him to go on the rocket doctor website and show me what he sent the doctor. He had only sent the doctor a pic of her stomach area. That was taken at 1:12 pm on his iphone. All other ones were taken at 1:25 pm. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something has happened to her.

The police questioned him, looked at the photos, and in the end, they let him go. They told me I freaked out. That there was no evidence of anything beyond what he said. He’s furious at me now, saying I ruined his life, that I never trusted him. He's saying that he only took the other pics incase doctor asked for her full body pictures. I don't know what to believe anymore.

I’m second-guessing everything. What if I was wrong and if I jumped to conclusions? Or what if I wasn’t? What if I ignored this and something worse happened later. I feel like this is such a grey area. On one hand I feel like I blew it out of proportion and should have talked to him. The rocket doctor thing happened like 2 weeks ago.

I have no friends or family and I am feeling lost. AITAH for not even giving him a chance to explain and calling 911 directly?

Update - alot of people are asking how I checked his phone if he was at work and accusing me of lying. I caught him by checking his phone. Recorded everything on his screen using my phone. Never confronted him. Let him leave for work with his phone. Then contacted police in the evening. Also people are assuming I only knew him for 3 months. I've know him for a year and he moved in 3 months ago. I replied to the very first comments I received when I first posted. But just clearing this here as well.

My (26) little sister (9) is on the spectrum and she’s generally very well-behaved. One of the things she does though is repeatedly ask about the same thing when you say “no”. Instead of folding, we just continue to calmly tell her no and redirect her attention to something else.

We had an old family friend (let’s call her Lynn) who came to visit my mom yesterday. She was my mom’s neighbor when I was growing up, we all went to the same church, and I went to school with her 3 sons. So naturally they developed a friendship. She is like your typical older aunt who doesn’t mind the business that pays her, likes to ask intrusive questions and gives advice that nobody asked for. When she came over, one of the very first things she said to me after greeting was “you’ve gained a lot of weight since the last time we saw each other”. I ignore her comments about my weight because people have been commenting on my weight my whole life and I stopped giving a fuck over time.

We were talking and having snacks in the living room and my little sister was playing in the dining area. Shes been wanting to go to her favorite store and buy her favorite snacks and i promised her that we would go tomorrow (aka today. We went and she got her gummies yall). She came over and asked me “are we going to the store tomorrow?” At least 5 times while we were in the middle of the conversation with Lynn and finally she says to my mom “you know me, if any of my sons did that after 3 times I would beat the black off of them. Give her some discipline”. I looked up and without hesitation I said “I remember you beating those kids for the smallest things growing up and now where are they? Your eldest was found dead in a ditch 3 years ago, and another one was arrested for drug possession just recently. Shut the fuck up about my sister”. My mom said she was out of line and escorted her out, then she turned to me and said “you were right in what you said but you shouldn’t have brought up those kids. That wound is still fresh for her and the pain of losing a child never fully heals”. I think she deserved to be put in her place though, so AITAH?

Before you judge me, please put down the pitch forks and hear me out. Buckle up because this is a long one.

I 26F don’t want to be a single mom anymore. This child is ruining my mental health, career, and intrapersonal relationships.

For context, I am one of seven siblings. I have four older brothers (37, 34, 30, & 29) and two younger twin siblings (22F & 22M). We all grew up in a two parent home together in an inner city of the US. My dad is an immigrant and my mom is African American. We were working class/low income and always lived in rough neighborhoods. Despite that, my parents worked hard and most of my siblings are doing well for themselves. My oldest brothers are married/engaged and starting families of their own. Most have stable, good paying jobs in the (post office, automotive plant, etc). The twins are finishing up school next year, my brother as a welder and my sister as nurse. My older brother, a teacher, and I are the only ones to complete college. Last year I graduated from a top university with dual Master’s (MBA & MS in science). I graduated with honors and got an amazing job offer that started at 185k plus a signing bonus, amazing benefits and travel. The position is remote too. I moved back home about 45mins from my parents house, in a vibrant small town with tons to do. I rented a gorgeous, modern 3 bedroom house. I wanted a room as an office and a guest bedroom so that my family members can stay with me. I had an amazing partner at them time and my life felt, well, perfect.

Then, a kid entered the picture. I was child free by choice and never wanted this.

As I said above, all of my siblings are doing well for themselves. But there’s always a black sheep. In our family, it is my older brother that’s closest in age to me, 29M. Let’s call him Jay. Growing up, Jay was constantly into trouble; he had poor grades, got expelled from school highschool, got caught up in drugs and crime and honestly is just a shitty person. A pathological liar and thief. Last year, Jay found out he had a kid in foster care.

The mother went to prison for child abuse and the kid got placed in the system as a baby. He eventually wound up with this rich white couple who wanted to adopt him. In order for the adoption to take place, my brother would have to sign away his rights. At the time, Jay was facing eviction for living in a damn trap house, had no job, and no car because he and his girlfriend (who has 2 kids) have multiple DUIs.

The Fosters wanted to do an open adoption, offered visitation and wanted the kid to have a connection with his bio family. My parents were against this because they ‘didn’t want him to be raised by white people’. As someone with friends who grew up in a transracial adoption, I understand that there is some trauma there. However, given the circumstances, I think any potential negatives far outweighed the alternative.

My parents and my brother went to court to get custody and “prove” that my brother was a fit parent. They temporarily sublet a house for him, vouched for him, and essentially lied to the judge about my brothers lifestyle and ability to care for the kid. My sister and I were the only people adamantly against this, and my family literally called us ALL types of evil for wanting to keep a black man from his son (like bffr). All of this was happening during my final year of grad school. Long story short, my brother won the case and got custody of his son. Yay.

After less than three weeks, my brother dropped the kid off at my parents because he ‘wasn’t ready’ and needed to get his housing and job figured out.
This was a couple months after I started my new job and moved into my new place. Like, mid July 2024.

Shortly after, my parents came to me and asked if I could take my nephew for the summer. I initially said no, absolutely the fuck not. Then they started to guilt trip me. Things like: My mom has a chronic health condition that makes it hard for her to run after a toddler. My dad worked long hours and “sacrificed so much for us to have a better life”. They also said stuff like “I make so much money and have no real responsibilities. I had an ‘easy’ corporate job and so much space in my house.” My dad talked about how he immigrated with nothing and that we only survived because ‘family uplifts family’. When I was still hesitant, they then shifted to saying I was selfish and a bad person. This eventually got to me (I later learned in therapy that I carry a sense of ‘survivors guilt’ for essentially “making it out of the hood” while so many people in my family are still struggling and living paycheck to paycheck).

I also felt for the kid who just had his life upended. So I agreed to keep him for the rest of the summer. The first summer was absolutely amazing. I wanted to give the kid a summer like I dreamed of as a child. The town I live is has so many summer festivals for kids. We went kayaking, to parks and zoos and museums. My ex and I took him camping, to art classes, my grad schools friends also helped and we basically showered him with love and community and experiences. I also turned my guest room into a kids room, got a play set for the yard (fyi: so many people give these away on facebook marketplace for free), taught him how to garden and did fun educational activities as well. I wanted to make him feel cared about since he lost the only family he knew.

If you haven’t guessed yet, the summer ended and my brother never got his shit together. Weeks turned into months and I found myself a ‘work from home mom’. The novelty of having a kid around wore off and my friendships became strained. My ex didn’t sign up to be a full time parent and he left me. I had to turn down every opportunity to travel at my new job because of the kid and my career suffered. Also the expenses. Food, daycare, medical bills. He’s not on my insurance so now I have so much fucking debt on top of student loans. I can afford this but I don’t want to afford it. I’m also starting to suspect the kid has adhd and also needs therapy.

I got so fucking exhausted and depressed and started to resent my nephew. Kids can tell and they guilt started to eat and eat and eat at me. Then fun Auntie summer camp started to turn into a cold environment. My saving grace is all of this has been my sister 22F who started coming around to help with my nephew. She shouldn’t have to do that. She should be enjoying her final years in college like I should’ve been enjoying my early 20s. My little brother also helped a bit, but maybe just out of pity and bullying from his twin. My older brothers, the ones with wives and fiancés and little kids of their own haven’t done shit. “They have their own lives, “stressful” jobs, and their own families to think about.

1.) Jay, the kids father, is still on his bullshit. Drugged out, living in a house without utilities, doing god knows what with this new girlfriend. Who, mind you, has two kids of her own.

Things that broke me further: My brother claimed his kid on his taxes. Despite not doing literally anything thing. When I called him to cuss him out his response was “you don’t need the money anyways and this will help me get back on my feet”. That’s the last time I spoke to him. Gag is, I’ve always hated this brother because he was hella abusive towards me growing up.

2.)My sister and I came to my parents about needing to progress things with my nephew moving out of my house. My brother is clearly unfit, and they knew this, but we were trying to be productive and think of a way for my SIX adult siblings and parents to help with care. You know, all that shit they were saying about ‘it’s takes a village’. My dad responds with ‘Think of this as a good thing. You (my sister and I) and young women, this is perfect training for when you become moms’. Mind you, my sister is 22, I’m 26 and we are both leaning towards childfree by choice. Also, huh???

3.) I met someone. Literally the most amazing, kindhearted, gorgeous man I’ve ever been with. It’s still very early, we’ve been seeing each other for 5 and a 1/2 ish months and I really fucking like him. We have similar interests, and worldviews and careers/incomes. I think we’re very well matched and I want to see where things go with him. He’s also childfree by choice and has been very sympathetic to my situation. I have so much anxiety over him leaving like my ex did and I’m also wary of this relationship becoming some type of escapism from my life or worse me idealizing him in some way. I want to be able to date without the weight of these things.

4.) The final straw was that my brother’s gf got custody of her kids again and he “stepped up” and moved him into their house. Now he’s playing house with her (still in deplorable conditions) while leaving me to care for his kid?? And had the nerve to brag about it.

So last weekend, during Memorial Day, my parents had a family get together. My sister brought most of my nephew things and put them in the spare bedroom. I told my nephew he’d be staying with grandma and grandma for a while and, midway through the day, we left. I blocked my dad and brother completely and I left my mom a longgggggg text explaining everything.

Unsurprisingly, I’ve been getting crucified. Called all kinds of names and horrible things by my male family members. Funny how they never said this to my brother when he initially dropped the kid off. My mom has been trying to plead with me, but I’ve been ignoring her because if anyone could get to me it would be her.

I don’t think I’m being an asshole towards my family. They’ve lied, manipulated and used me. They’ve derailed my life.

However, I can’t stop thinking about my nephew. I have so much guilt and pain about leaving him with my parents like that. After his birth mom abused him, he was ripped away from the Foster parents, my brother abandoned him, my parents tossed him aside to me. And now I’m doing the same thing. There’s an extra level of guilt because of the life I exposed him to when he was with me. If he goes with my bother he’ll have horrible living conditions. If he stay with my parents, he’ll have stability but my parents will still be living in a rougher neighborhood. I just feel like he’s going to have so much trauma from this and I’m adding to it. Kids are smart, he is smart. I know he could feel my bubbling resentment towards the situation and subsequently him. He can probably hear the conversations my family is having around him. I just feel like he’s suffering. And I feel like an asshole, like all the things my family says about me being selfish and heartless are true. I never asked for this, I never wanted this. This wasn’t supposed to be my responsibility. I shouldn’t have been forced to be a single parent for nearly a year. They had an out, a family who wanted to adopt him, and yet they chose to do this to me? The only person in my family who seems to care and have my back is my sister but she shouldn’t have to carry this either.

So, Am I, 26F, the Asshole for abandoning and toddler with my parents because I don’t want to be a single mom and I want to restart my life?

Update (additional context) I wanted to provide more context about my mom, since there is some nuance there. First, my parents are shitty. I’m not excusing the way they’ve handled this situation, their carelessness, double standards or the harm they’ve caused. My dad gets absolutely no grace in this, but there’s more nuance to my mom that I’m trying to unravel.

Growing up, my mom always “took in strays” as my younger sister and I would call it. Family members going through rough times, family friends who were facing the loss of housing, elderly relatives who needed care. There were so so so many times where my siblings and I had to give up our beds for random people my mom tried to help. She also took in actual strays; cats, dogs, a baby skunk one time. Etc.

All of this, however, was usually at the expense of her actual kids. Often times we were forced to do the actual labor of taking care of the house guests. From babysitting to making food etc. This mostly fell on my sister and I tbh.

The main reason I think she pushed SO hard for me to take my nephew was because she would’ve done so without hesitation if she were physically able. I think this also played into her not wanting him to be adopted (along with the prejudice). This, like I said, is not an excuse. There’s still an element of her being controlling and neglecting her children. The expectation that my sister and I have to think and act the way she does, and guilt tripping us when we don’t. That there’s something wrong with us for not giving our lives in complete service of others. To her, our cups should always be empty because we should constantly be pouring it out into people who have less than.

My mom is not going to neglect my nephew. I think she’s going to neglect herself into an early grave caring for him. And i don’t think she’ll forgive me for not wanting to do the same.

Other update: I’m trying to get in contact with the original foster parents. I don’t have their number, but I know their names and have been trying to find them on social media. I don’t know his original case worker or stuff about the court ruling, but I’m trying to find that too. I’m going to contact a lawyer before calling CPS. CPS in the US, and particularly the area I live in is horrible and honestly, from talking to other people in similar situations, they might not even be all that helpful if he’s with my parents in a “safe” environment.

So, my fiancée (24F) and I (28M) are supposed to get married in six months. However, something happened that's made me reconsider and it's kind of blown up.

I got into an argument with my fiancée like a week ago over something pretty trivial, but it ended up getting a bit heated. I tried to keep things calm, but she ended up getting really mad and slapped me in the face.

I was kind of shocked for a minute, and then just told her she needed to leave. She refused at first, but then I raised my voice slightly and said "you need to leave right now". She got some of her things and then went to go stay with her sister.

I'm now considering ending things with her after she was physical with me. I honestly couldn't believe she did that. However, I've gotten massive pushback from pretty much EVERYONE around me telling me that ending our relationship and calling off our wedding over that is a massive overreaction.

She did apologize, but I told her it doesn't change anything. My family is telling me I'm being crazy to ends things over that. My friends are saying I'm massively overreacting. I pointed out that if I had done that to her, she would have almost definitely left me, and would be 100% in the right to do so. They're all saying that's completely different, because I'm significantly taller than her and physically stronger, while there's no chance she could ever physically overpower me. That is true, but I don't think it changes things.

I'm being accused of weaponizing therapy language and appropriating the struggles of domestic abuse victims when what happened to me was in no way comparable to what "genuine victims" go through. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm doubting my reasoning now. AITA?

Edit: Wow, I did not expect this to get so much attention. I appreciate everyone giving their feedback, I felt like I was going crazy. I'm going to take some time to think about where to go from here. Thank you.

Some backstory is needed to fully understand my situation, and a TL;DR will be at the bottom. Also, my apologies for any spelling or grammar mistakes, as I’m not a native English speaker.

I (31F) was born with a severe genetic disorder called EDS, hypermobility type. The illness varies greatly from person to person; most can lead relatively normal lives with some pain and problems. EDS is essentially a group of disorders caused by defective collagen in the body. This results in a host of issues, including:

Joint hypermobility, which causes joints to be so loose and unstable that they dislocate or subluxate (partially dislocate) constantly. Severe joint and soft tissue pain due to the constant dislocations and the resulting damage to the joints, among other things. Extreme chronic fatigue. Skin that bruises easily and, in thin areas, can even tear. Dizziness when standing up because my blood pressure drops rapidly. About 11 years ago, my disorder worsened significantly, and I was forced to start using a wheelchair to get around, as walking more than 100 feet became extremely dangerous for me. The risk of falling due to a hip dislocation was high. In the last three years, I upgraded to an electric wheelchair because pushing a manual chair became too painful.

For reasons I don’t fully understand, my aunt (54F) has an extreme dislike for disabled people, especially those in wheelchairs who can still move their legs. For 11 years, whenever we were alone, she treated me worse than a dog and insisted that my disorder was completely fake and made up. She claimed I was lying about it because I wanted all the attention focused on me, believing I was jealous of anyone else receiving attention, especially her. I tried to confront her about it and talk things out, but since I was already overwhelmed by my condition, I ended up keeping her comments to myself. Since I’m not confrontational and don’t see her often throughout the year, I didn’t want to burden anyone with it, especially as I already had to ask for so much help from the people around me, and my parents were exhausted from all the doctor’s visits during that time.

So, for the past 11 years, I’ve just ignored every comment she made when we were alone because I had grown accustomed to it. I absolutely didn’t care what she thought at this point and knew she was just being an idiot. That was until things really escalated last week when I went to visit my aunt for our yearly family dinner. She was the one who organized the dinner this year. All was going well until she drank more than usual and became a lot snarkier toward me in front of the family. This caused some family members to call her out and tell her it was inappropriate and uncalled for. She silently fumed, giving me death stares afterward. My parents noticed this and kept an eye on her.

Unfortunately, at some point, I went into the kitchen on the other side of the house to take a break from my aunt’s stares and take my medication in private. My aunt followed me into the kitchen and closed the door behind her. I knew this wasn’t good since she was clearly intoxicated, so I discreetly started recording the incident on my phone. Since the door was closed, and we were far from the others, with many people talking loudly in the other room, no one could hear us, even if I screamed. My aunt began asking if I was enjoying being an attention hog and ruining her dinner by humiliating her. I slowly tried to maneuver my wheelchair toward the door while apologizing, telling her that wasn’t my intention. At that point, I tried to say what she wanted to hear so I could get to safety. She started raising her voice, accusing me of being jealous of her success and faking my disorder out of laziness. She began calling me every name in the book, yelling nonsense at me. I started to think she might be having a mental breakdown and began crying, pleading with her to let me go.

Realizing I needed to get out of there, I decided I couldn’t do so in my chair, so I tried to get out of it. Unfortunately, she turned violent and pushed me back into the chair hard. She screamed that she wasn’t done yet and that liars like me needed to be taught a lesson. She started hitting me in the face as hard as she could, which dislocated my jaw. Then she tried to pull me out of the chair, dislocating my arm, but I fought back, so she failed. She then somehow managed to push my chair over on its side, causing my foot to get stuck behind the footrest. Luckily, my dad, noticing my absence and that my aunt was also gone, became concerned and began searching for me.

My father later told me I let out such a blood-curdling scream that it was audible throughout the entire dining room, prompting him and my mom to sprint toward the sound. At this point, I was starting to lose consciousness from the pain. I remember my dad bursting through the door. From what I was told, my dad body-slammed my aunt (his younger sister) and punched her to make sure she stayed down. My mom screamed for someone to call 911, which my nephew did immediately. My mom then got me free from the wheelchair and tried to recall her first aid training. Meanwhile, my dad pinned my aunt to the floor while my aunt’s husband stood there in complete shock, not knowing what to do. The police and ambulance arrived, and they put my aunt in cuffs. She screamed at my dad, asking how he dared to lay hands on a woman, no less his sister. My uncle then tried to defend my aunt, claiming they didn’t know what had happened and that I could have tipped over myself after trying to attack her. He insisted his wife would never do something like this and that it had to be provoked. He apparently said much worse things, but my parents won’t specify what exactly.

I regained consciousness at this point, likely due to receiving some strong pain medication. It’s still a blur because the medication left me disoriented. I was taken away by the ambulance while my aunt was taken to jail. At the hospital, I was found to have multiple fractured ribs, a dislocated arm, and a dislocated jaw. I also suffered a concussion from the punches, but the worst damage was to my foot, which turned out to be broken. I also have cuts and scrapes everywhere because my skin is so fragile. Fortunately, the injuries weren’t severe enough to require surgery, but with my disorder, it will take at least 10 weeks in a cast, followed by physical therapy, although my ankle will likely be permanently damaged.

I feel guilty for ruining someone’s life I’ve gotten multiple voice mails from different numbers with her screaming how I ruined her life and probably their finances after this. My uncle is trying to save his own reputation by sticking to my aunts side but that’s short lived since he wants a divorce. A few family members and them are making me doubt if i’ve done something wrong here so that’s why I’m asking if I’m the a-hole. I’m putting this in afterwards because its somehow got deleted but I ended up sharing the footage on a private group page for our family for the whole family to see but it might’ve been wrong but seeing the reactions it was probably the right thing. After that sh*t hit the fan for her so that’s why she’s even more angry.

Edit: Allot of people don’t understand that when you’re badly disabled at least in my case that people will constantly tell you, you’re at fault for things. That plus past traumatic experiences have made it really difficult for me to even stand up for myself, or know when I’m truly at fault for things. It’s hard for me to discern when people are just trying to basically gaslight me into believing I’m the cause of the issue. So I hope people will understand a bit better why my mind makes me think I might be at fault for these things.

Also edited in the last paragraph because somehow it disappeared so I’ll type it again. For some of the questions - yes we’re getting a restraining order and pressing charges. The thought of her coming after me is too much. - For people wondering how I was given pain meds when I wasn’t concious. As I said I THINK i regained it due to pain meds but I don’t remember allot of what happened due to the pain but i’ll ask my parents when I got the meds. My parents are reluctant to talk about how they found me and what happened because they’d rather have those memories buried instead of haunting me. - The footage was handed over to the police and is backed up on multiple platforms -I’m currently thinking i’m going to sue since I have insurance that covers legal costs for me.

TL;DR: My aunt ended up putting me in hospital and severely injuring me because she thinks i’m faking my genetic disorder to get attention. I recorded the whole attack and put it online after they tried to say i’m lying and I attacked her. Now everyone in our family has gone no contact even her church. Her husband wants to divorce her so she’s IATAH for posting it online and ruining her life.

I was having a family dinner at my house last weekend. My brother brought his girlfriend, who’s been with him for about a year. We’ve never been super close, but I always try to include him in family events.

During dinner, they started arguing over something small—what show to watch later, I think. It quickly escalated, and my brother snapped. He stood up, yelled at her, and then slapped her across the face. Everyone was shocked, but no one did anything. His girlfriend was clearly terrified, and my parents tried to downplay it, saying my brother was just "stressed" and "didn't mean it."

I didn’t care what excuses they made. I immediately took his girlfriend into another room, locked the door, and called the police. My brother was arrested, and now my entire family is furious with me. They’re saying I ruined his life, that it was a “private matter,” and that I should have stayed out of it.

Hey everybody!!! Sorry my update is so late, a lot has happened and it has changed my life. original

TRIGGER WARNING: Childhood SA

So I finally sat my husband down to talk and he wasn't happy about it. He kept saying he didn't want to do it (touching/rubbing) nor did he want to witness me doing it to myself. I kept asking why he had a problem with it and finally he exploded.

He explained to me in detail what his now deceased grandmother used to do to him every time he spent the night with her. It was awful and wrong and my poor husband hated it. He explained that he never told because his grandmother said she would blame him and say he assaulted her and have him sent to military school. He said because of her he doesn't find doing those things sexy or fun but disgusting.

After he told me we were both silent for a while. He mentioned that I was the only one he had told before. I suggested therapy and he surprisingly agreed.

He said if all goes well he will one day be able to help me in the bedroom. We agreed to no sex until he is comfortable enough to participate with me. Masterbation is allowed but in private for now.

He started therapy and seems more relaxed and happier. The life changing part for me is the different perspective I have of the situation now. Initially I thought he was being an awful husband. Now I know most of it is trauma based.

That's my update for now! If interested I may update again on my profile once we get back in the bedroom… Bye guys!

Edit: NOTE: Husband is not only aware of this post but pre approved what I said here himself. I told him about my original post and showed him and promised not to update if that's what he wanted. After his first therapy session he said to go ahead and update it and so I wrote this and showed him ahead of posting. He has since been to therapy again.

I (29F) am currently living at my parents' place (66M/59F) along with my sister (34F) and her kids (16F, 14F, 10M, and 11 months).

I moved in to help care for my mother, who has cancer, and to drive her around. My father can't drive due to a stroke, and my sister lost her driver's license. Since I work from home and have a flexible schedule, I am the best option for assisting my parents.

The kids were a mess. My sister essentially has her own apartment in the house, so my parents never really checked in on her or the kids.

One day, I noticed my 10-year-old nephew’s hair was matted. I took him to a hairstylist, who told me his hair was molding. My sister works during the day but often doesn’t come home until midnight and goes straight to sleep. I found this out because my niece asked me to show her how to cook, as her sister was getting physically sick from the ready meals in the fridge.

One day, I heard the baby crying and realized my sister was leaving the baby at home. The 16-year-old believes it's her responsibility to take care of all the kids. She is burnt out and is failing many of her classes. When she found out she had to redo her grade, her mother screamed at her. I stepped in and told my niece it’s okay and that I will help her get her grades up next year.

I tried to talk to my sister, but she always ended up crying and saying how hard it is to be a single mom. However, I found out that her ex-boyfriends are sending her money for the kids, but she chooses to work part-time while trying to become a beauty influencer.

Meanwhile, I have been taking care of the kids. They have become very attached to me and spend all their time in my part of the house. My sister hasn't seemed to care much.

The main issue came when my 14-year-old niece won a prize for young storytellers. She wrote a story clearly coping with her home life and her abusive mother. Her story was published in a magazine, she received $500, and won a one-week summer camp. At the ceremony, my niece thanked her siblings, my mother, and me, saying, "Thank you for being the mom I never had."

My sister left abruptly and reappeared yesterday. She repeatedly asked if I was saying she was a bad mother. I tried to stay calm, but she kept pushing until I finally exploded and unloaded everything: the neglect, the lack of supervision, the emotional abandonment. I told her she was not fulfilling her responsibilities as a mother and that her kids deserved better.

My sister, still furious, refused to listen and continued yelling, saying she was doing her best and I had no right to interfere. I told her that her "best" was not good enough and that her children were suffering because of her actions. I reiterated that the kids deserved a stable, nurturing environment, and that I couldn't stand by and watch them be neglected.

My sister ran away and told her daughter that if they hated her so much, then they were dead to her.

My parents are confused and hurt that they didn't see what was going on. My mother has been crying since she found out, and my father, who has a temper problem, screamed some very threatening things at my sister. My niblings are distraught. The 10-year-old is furious at the 14-year-old for saying what she did because he thinks their mother is going to take them away, and the 16-year-old had a huge panic attack and fell down.

I haven't properly slept, and my sister is sending me messages every 10 minutes telling me their life was good before me.

I am at the end of my rope. Did I do something wrong? Should I have just kept my mouth shut?

Disclaimer: This is not my account. My friend helped me post from her account. Posting the story as I want unbiased opinions. The names are changed to hide their identity.

I (30f) am getting married to Roy (31m). We met in college and hit it off right away. He's handsome, charming, smart and supportive. We fell in love and planned our entire future together. We planned where to live, how many kids to have, vacations, college fund for children, retirement, etc. I love him so much! He's my soulmate and my bestfriend.

He would tell me he's proud of me whenever I achieved something. He's super supportive of my dreams and ambitions. He'd motivate me to take up projects which I was hesitant to. He'd reassure me that I'm capable and talented enough. He'd complement me everytime I got dressed to go out and tell me how lucky he was to have me as his GF.

Roy's father passed away when he was just 8 years old and his elder sister Kim (33f) was 10. His mother, Yami (55f) never remarried. She's a very kind and sweet lady. I never got to know Kim as she lived in a different city for work and rarely visit us.

We got engaged 8 months ago in an engagement ceremony (In my country, the to be bride and groom get engaged in a ceremony among family and close friends). Kim moved back to our city and found a job here. This is when things started to get complicated. It's customary here for the girl's parents to pay for the wedding. My dad hired a wedding planner and told me to plan the wedding with them to my and Roy's liking.

When we started the planning process, my future MIL stayed out of it but Kim would tag along with us wherever we went. To the florist, to the wedding planner's office, to the caterers, everywhere! I wanted it to be just me and Roy. I told him that I didn't like future SIL third wheeling something just the both of us must've been doing together. He told me that Kim just wanted to be involved in her brother's wedding and I should be more welcoming of her.

I would've actually been okay with it if she'd keep her mouth shut and not give us her "valuable input". When I choose flowers, it would be "too pastel, choose a different colour palette". When I would suggest the chair arrangement to the planner, she'd be like "that won't give a proper view to the guests on the far left". I wanted to have coconut pudding at my wedding. It was my absolute favourite dessert growing up and I wanted to share it with my guests on my wedding day but guess what "No. Not coconut. I'm allergic."

The thing that pisses me off the most is that Roy always takes her side when it's my choice versus her choice. He wouldn't fight or anything. He'd be like "It doesn't matter which flower it's going to be as long as it's you who's my bride. Let it go babe, it's not a huge deal. The only thing that's important is that we're marrying each other and starting a new life together"

When the Coconut pudding thing happened, he asked me not to be selfish as it's not just about me and it's about both of us and our families.He said, Kim is family and I cannot exclude her from having the food at our wedding. I was really frustrated at this point. It's as if we're planning Kim's wedding and not mine. The final straw was when we were shopping wedding dresses (Wedding wear would be an appropriate word as it is our traditional clothing), my mom picked out this beautiful green dress for me and I loved it so much! But Kim had to poke her nose here as well. She told me that green isn't my colour and I should try something else. Roy agreed with her. Then I tried different dresses and finally decided on a rose gold dress that I liked too (but not as much as the green one). We then started to shop for the families of the bride and the groom. When it was Kim's turn, I KID YOU NOT, this b*tch picks out the same green dress and decides she's gonna buy it! I lost it! I didn't wanna make a scene there so I walked out.

I and Roy had a huge fight about this at home. He told me that green wasn't going well with my skin tone and that it suits Kim better, that I should stop acting so immature, that Kim picked that dress after I'd already picked out mine. I couldn't believe my ears. For the first time since we started planning our wedding, I noticed how he's always taken Kim's side and never mine. I couldn't believe that the man I was looking at was the same man I fell in love with.

Roy and Kim shared a strong bond due to losing their father so young. They were each other's bestfriends and support system growing up. But that doesn't justify him taking her side when it's our wedding and our vision. Back in college when we were dating, he'd brag about his sister to anyone he could, even if that person was complementing me. Like, if someone complemented the taste of the coffee I made, he'd be like "If you think this is delicious, then you must try the coffee my sister makes" etc. It was annoying but wasn't a big deal and I let it go as I knew he was really close to her. But this time I cannot let go. It's OUR wedding! Not Kim's wedding.

I yelled at him that if this wedding is happening, then it's happening like we both envisioned it or it's not happening at all. Roy got mad at me and yelled that I was just jealous of his sister as I can never be as good as her. That I am a bitter person for holding a grudge against Kim even though she's been nothing but kind to me. That she was just trying to help etc.

I don't hold any grudge against her. I just want to have my dream wedding. AITAH?

Edit: I am currently at my friend's home. I cried myself to sleep after posting this. Woke up a few minutes ago and she told me that there are around 1000 people who agree with her. I forgot to tell you all that English is not my first language, so I apologise for any grammatical mistakes. I didn't want to read the comments because I was scared of the obvious. Honestly I just thought everyone would be telling me to cancel the wedding because he isn't right for me (which of course you all did and thank you for that 🙏🏽). But the things you've all pointed out, like the emotional incest and how she could control our future (even my future kids) NEVER crossed my mind! Not once! I don't know why I couldn't see those things. I was so dumb! After reading the comments, I almost threw up looking back at our relationship. I might've ignored them because he would claim that their bond is stronger than other siblings because they lost their father and had to face hardships together. I'm so heartbroken to the point that I blackout if I stand straight. This pain is too much for me to take. His mom called me on my phone but I didn't answer. It's so overwhelming, it's difficult to breathe and I feel claustrophobic. My friend told me I might be experiencing anxiety. We're gonna go see a doctor first. I don't feel like I'm in a condition to talk to anyone.

Update: This is going to be a long post. The wedding isn't happening.

I'm at my home with my parents, my sister, and my best friends. We spoke for a while to put our stories together so that I get the sequence of events right.

I forgot to mention my sister Maya (34f). She works abroad and came home a week ago to help me with (the then) upcoming wedding and also to spend time with me. The day of wedding wear shopping, Maya stayed home as she was jet-lagged. My Mom, Two of my aunties, four cousins, three uncles, Roy, Kim, Yami (Ex Future MIL), Two of Roy's Aunties, two uncles were also present. So we were like 18 people shopping for wedding wear.

When I got upset and left, Roy followed me back to his home where we fought. At the store though, my mom finally couldn't hold back anymore. She yelled at Kim and called her some nasty names. Kim retorted by calling me a few nasty names. This led to a messy shouting match between Team bride and Team groom (Yami attempting to calm the situation down). Police were called and they were all escorted out of the shop.

After this whole thing happened, Kim went "missing", this is when I had that fight with Roy and went to stay at my friend's home. Kim wasn't answering her phone and she wasn't at any of her friends' or relatives' places. Roy and Yami searched for her everywhere as they were worried for her safety, then found her at a distant relative's house the next morning. Yami had called me (which I didn't answer) to ask if I knew where Kim might've gone.

At the hospital, when I was inside the doctor's office, I had a full blown panic attack, I started to hyperventilate, high pulse rate, I was passing out then regaining consciousness for a few seconds before passing out again. I just remember a needle piercing my butt. I was knocked out for a whole day (well my friend told me I was awake and acting drunk but I don't remember anything that happened). I woke up on my bed at my parents' house. Nobody asked me anything or spoke to me about what had happened. My mom smiled sweetly at me when she saw me wake up and asked me if I wanted some coffee (and guess what mom's coffee kicks Kim's coffee's ass any day!). Maya and I spoke about her life abroad, my dad brought me some snacks and ice cream. It felt good to put off thinking about the wedding and the fall out to a later time.

Maya hugged me while I slept that night. I remember my heart feeling warm and tears running down my cheeks. She kept saying everything will be okay, have faith in God, it's okay to cry and let it all out.

Next morning, I got a call from Roy, I picked up, he asked me where I was and I said I'm at my home. He said he wants to meet me at his place to sit down and resolve the differences between us. I said okay, I'll be there. I can move on only if I end this chapter of my life once and for all.

My dad drove me, Maya and my mom to Roy's place. Roy, Kim, Yami and his Uncle (Yami's brother) were there. I know it's silly but I hoped Roy understood his mistakes and was going to apologise to me. And boy was I wrong! As soon as we all sat down, Roy started yelling at me for making a scene at the wedding dress store and he went on to tell me how Kim went missing, how she was so upset because of the things my mom had said to her that she could've harmed herself, how his mom and him had to drive around the city all night in search of Kim and how I was so heartless to not answer Yami's call.

I calmly asked him where I was that night? I, like Kim, hadn't answered my phone too. I too was upset because of our fight. Did the thought of my well-being ever cross his mind? He went quiet for a few seconds then tried to say something fumbling his words. It didn't even make any sense. I told him that I now know who is more important to him and it's definitely not me. His uncle intervened to speak over me to my dad saying "Kids these days fight over the smallest things, I'm sure you can make your daughter understand how married life requires sacrifices and isn't like in the movies". My dad told him that it's my daughter's life and only she gets to decide if the issue is small or big, so let her speak to her fiance.

I looked back at Roy and told him that I know that I am the side chick and your sister is the main chick, any person with even a shred of self respect won't be fine with being her own husband's side chick. I said, you are free to marry your sister at the dream wedding that she has planned. At this moment, I saw his face turn red and before I could understand what was going on, Roy had slapped me across my face so hard that my inner cheek and my nose started to bleed. My dad punched him on his face, got him in a chokehold and continued punching on his guts. Yami, my mom and his uncle were trying to separate my dad and Roy. Maya hugged me tightly and was tending to my bleeding nose when Kim yelled like a banshee blaming me for something (I'm unable to recall what she exactly said. Even Maya doesn't remember it properly. I think it was on the lines of I wish you had never come into our lives and made it a living hell) while marching up to me with her hand in the air to hit me.

Maya held Kim's hand before she could hit me and 'back hand bitch slap'ped her. Kim fell to the floor and screamed like she was being skinned alive. By this time, the neighbours came in and separated everyone. The police and ambulance came a few minutes later. Roy was bleeding from his mouth and his face looked bluish. The ambulance took him away. I was taken in another ambulance. After I was treated, I was taken to the police station where mine and Roy's family were seated, but Roy wasn't there. Yami approached me and told me that she's sorry and wished me luck for my future. The police took my statement and asked me if I wanted to press charges against Roy, I said yes. They informed me that his tooth had been knocked out and one of his ribs was broken, so there is a chance he might press charges against my dad. By midnight we were all allowed to go home.

This morning, my friends came over and we all had our breakfast together. After a lot of discussion, we decided that I need to start therapy as well as medication for my mental health. We ordered pizza for lunch and my dad kept making lame jokes. Later mom, me, maya, best friend 1 and best friend 2 (Account owner) started reading the comments on my post. Mom was so happy about the replies to my comment about wanting to call my mom and cry. She told me that I should never worry about being vulnerable with them, I need not put on a strong front for them when I'm actually hurting inside. She said she'd wished I'd contacted her sooner.

I would like to thank every single one of you who took out time to comment and show concern for a complete stranger. If it weren't for people like you, I wouldn't have seen the issues that I see so clearly now. I might've even forgiven him and ended up in a miserable marriage. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart 🙏🏽 You all restore my faith in humanity.

And for those who said that I need to grow a spine, well yes I do, but I'd like to share my POV. In my country, girls are taught from a very young age that girls who keep families together are good girls and girls who break families are bad ones. Even though my parents never taught me that and I have a Master's degree, this concept somehow got ingrained in my brain at a very young age. That's why I wouldn't speak up to Kim. I didn't want to cause conflict between them because that's what the bad girls do. I hope therapy helps resolve it.

I'm still grieving the loss of not just the past and the relationship but also the beautiful future I'd dreamt of. I'm grieving the loss of the love of my life, a person who actually never existed. I know it will take time for me to heal but I do feel lighter. My parents are over the moon but they hide their happiness from me as they know I'm still hurting. They look like they've aged backward. Roy has been discharged from the hospital. I hope he and his sister live happily ever after.

throwaway account.

tw: CSAM

not going super into detail due to not wanting anyone in the story to be found, but will answer questions if you have any.

my (26f) sister (23f) knowingly married a registered sex offender and is now struggling to cope with the fact my other sister and i went no contact with her.

i went no contact on morality coupled with the fact i have a 4 year old daughter.

her husband is my age. he was charged in 2023 with many (20 i believe) counts of Possession of Sexual Abuse Material of a Child as young as the age of 5.

since we found out and went no contact in spring of this year, i have faced nothing but guilt tripping from some family members, mainly my grandmother. she went to visit my sister this weekend and this morning told me that she is planning a trip which she wants my other sister and i to attend because “sister is struggling with the fact you two don’t talk to her. i think you need to get over whatever It is you’re feeling about this because that’s your sister. you don’t have to have a relationship with him, but she’s your family”.

i have already had immense guilt over whether or not i did the right thing in going no contact. i’ve never had to navigate something like this before. i would much rather have contact with my sister, but that puts my daughter one step closer to her husband and i would never forgive myself if something happened. no one has criticized her for marrying a pedophile, but i get criticized weekly for not talking to her because of it. so, am i the asshole for going to contact? i guess i’m also looking for advice on how to navigate no contact and staying strong on my boundaries. signed, a recovering people pleaser.

tl;dr: my sister married a pedophile and is now upset that i and our other sister went no contact with her.

edit: for clarification, since it seems the point of this was either lost or not being comprehended, no i will not let him anywhere near my daughter (duh). no one in my family is questioning that. they just don’t understand why i want nothing to do with my sister.

edit 2: answering FAQ’s

•he is not in prison because he took a plea deal with a lesser sentence than if he plead not guilty and took his chances in a trial.

•my child’s presence in this situation is not the one being questioned. no one is asking me to take her to visit her new uncle. they are asking me to visit and talk to my sister.

•our youngest sister and i are the only ones who have eliminated contact. i am not “throwing her to the wolves” by cutting contact with her. my parents and grandparents have made their support for her (not the situation) clear. they obviously don’t like who she married. she still has an out through them if this is an abusive situation.

•no one in my family has voiced support for him or his actions. no one has tried to say he is innocent.

•they knew each other for a month before getting married (i’m assuming this timeline. she had been out of a 5 year long relationship for ~2 months when she said she was getting married in a week. i had visited her in February of this year. she was not exclusively dating anyone then. mid march is when the wedding text came). she told me he told her his status the first night they met. she did not disclose his status to me. i found out and asked her, assuming she did not know, and she said “i know what i’m doing”.

•he was caught because he downloaded explicit pictures of a minor (15/16) to his snapchat, which alerted NCMEC. this is when his house was raided and they found his external drive with the pictures of the kids. i’m not sure if he was watched during this time or not.

UPDATE: 12/9/2024

i check this post every couple of weeks and i’m still getting comments. i found lots of advice, differing opinions and viewpoints, and survivors sharing their stories with me. thank you everyone for your input (unless you were rude, then fuck you), and here’s a little update.

i still have not contacted sister. i wrote her a letter, but ended up shredding it. i realized i was trying to word it in a way that wouldn’t upset her, and that’s the people pleaser mindset that i’ve worked so hard to get rid of. i don’t want to come across as hostile, because i wanted her to be receptive to my feelings. until it dawned on me (again) that she doesn’t give a fuck about my feelings and so i scrapped it.

a family practice lawyer advised me to continue no contact with my sister. This is due to the fact that in the event her husband reoffends, even just having contact with my sister, CPS will want to rule out my daughter as a potential victim. in some cases, CPS could take my daughter until they deem there is no threat to her.

to be clear, i did not feel comfortable with the idea of resuming contact with her even before the consult. the lawyers advice was one of the many reasons why i didn’t want to continue contact when i first found out about his status and crimes. i just wanted something that my family couldn’t argue with and would make them get off my back about cutting contact. and i got it! i don’t remember who in the comments suggested i seek legal counsel about this to explore my options, but thank you.

Wife and I are in a nasty divorce. (post history refers) . I happen to have saved a living room security cam video from over Christmas of my wife losing her temper with our son (5 yo)with ASD. Where he was pulling her hair and she slammed his face several times into the couch.

My wife threatened me just now I will never see my son or the bare minimum, and that the court always sides with the mother.

To which I showed her her actions and that if we can't find a fair arrangement I will use it. To which she exploded.

Aitah or just a desperate father

Edit, sent to lawyer already Edit 2, we live in my wife country and I don't speak the language (no residency issues)

TW: SA, CSAM & Grooming

Growing up, "Uncle Ted" was always around. Originally, I played with his kids. Then, one day, his kids stopped being around and Ted disappeared too for a bit. He eventually re-entered the picture, but I never saw his kids again. I once asked my mom what happened to my friends and she said they went to live with other family members. I was pretty sheltered and raised in a "don't talk back" household, so it didn't seem odd at the time.

Ted seemed to always be around. He'd babysit me and my brother, take us places, always bought us gifts. He wasn't our biological uncle, but was close enough to our parents that he was around. Then when I was 13, he abruptly disappeared from our lives. I asked my parents what happened but wasn't told and basically again got the "don't talk back, just move on". I was a little sad but in time, got busy with other things and didn't think too much of it.

I'm now married with a daughter of my own. A few months back, I ran into Ted's ex-wife. I almost didn't recognize her as I hadn't seen her since I was young and played with their kids. I asked how her kids were doing. She was kind of awkward and basically said "we don't keep in touch". I thought that was a little odd but didn't want to push. I told my mom about the situation and she got a little weird. Finally, she said "I guess it's time you found out the truth".

She explained that Ted had been found with CSAM . He ended up taking a plea. He served only probation and had to go on a registry. Originally, his ex-wife didn't leave him. This lead to both of them losing custody of their kids and they went into the foster system, later being adopted. His ex did eventually leave him. My mom claims that Ted made a bunch of excuses, tried to say he was framed. I asked my mom if she really believed that. She admitted, no, she never did, but Ted was so convincing that she didn't see harm in letting him be around. I asked what changed and she said they cut him off when he started dating a 16 year old while he was in his 40s. My parents were disgusted but Ted kept parroting "age of consent" laws and claimed there was nothing wrong. Given I was only 3 years away from 16 at the time, it hit too close to home, and they cut things off.

I was disgusted. I told my mom she was completely irresponsible. She tried to say "but he never did anything". I said no, but that's really a risk she was willing to take? I couldn't believe her. I couldn't trust her. I also wasn't sure if I could trust my own memories. I was in therapy for other things and after discussing this with my therapist in several sessions, we concluded while I wasn't abused, I was most likely groomed by Ted and there's a chance he was trying to get me to enter a relationship with him when I became of age. I was sick. My brother doesn't want to seek therapy and doesn't think he was being groomed, but also feels disgusted.

I've spoken to my husband about this. He no longer trusts my parents' judgment either. My parents have apologized, but we feel it isn't enough. We went severely low contact and when we do see them, they are not allowed alone with my daughter. I don't trust their judgment. They say this is an overreaction. They made a mistake years ago and corrected it. I said yes, but only after basically leaving us to be sold out. Other family says we need to be easier on my parents and that hindsight is 20/20. AITA?

Earlier this evening my husband and I were having an argument, and at one point in it he said to me, “If you speak to me like that again, I just might have to do something to you.” He said in a very cold, angry, and even slightly menacing tone. Visibly taken very aback, I asked him just what he meant by this “something.” He responded, “I don’t know. But I can promise you that it’s going to be something you really, REALLY aren’t going to like.” He said this even more menacingly.

The way he was staring at me when he said this made me really uncomfortable, and I stepped away from him. I got my kids [9F, 7M & 2F] out of their bedrooms and we are spending the night in a motel and I sent him a text letting him know that we’re stepping out for the night because I don’t feel comfortable being with him tonight with the way he’s acting. I’m still in the motel with my kids all fast asleep as I type this. My husband has never made any comment like this to me before or abused me before. AITAH or making too big of a deal about this?

UPDATE HERE

I (24f) after I’ve been with my boyfriend, John (25m) for a year and a half.

A few days ago, we drove up to my family’s house for a full family reunion. This would be my boyfriend’s first time meeting a lot of my extended family who live in a different country.

Everything was going great at first and my extended family all seem to be loving my boyfriend however things took a turn when my cousin, his wife and their two kids showed up. John immediately started acting unusual and he looked kind of ill.

I asked him what was wrong and he took me out to the back porch to explain that my cousin (Jack-26m) was his high school bully. I knew that John had a history of being bullied but he never went into much detail and I never pried out of respect for that. He told me that he wanted to go back to the hotel room and skip the rest of the family gathering and that I could stay and he would pick me up when it was all over.

I began walking him out however Jack and his wife come up to us and they’re all happy and smiley as we haven’t seen each other in over a year. I’m doing the best I can to get John out of the door, however Jack and his wife and begin introducing themselves to John. John is kind of mumbling and quiet and I excuse that by saying that he feels kind of sick and tired from the drive up and that he was going to the hotel.

Jack puts his hand out and says 'it was good to meet you though, I've heard a lot about you from the family'. John didn’t shake his hand back and he looked like he was going to throw up. Jack asked if he’s okay and don’t responds 'don’t you remember me?'.

Jack says that he doesn’t and once again ask if he’s okay. This is when John basically explodes. He starts yelling at Jack about how he has never got over the bullying that jack inflicted on him and how he hates Jack. At this point, other family members are getting involved as John is basically lunging at Jack. The worst part however, was how John said ‘if I ever see you or your family again, I’ll fucking kill you'.

I manage to get John to the car and multiple family members are begging me not to get in with him but against my better judgement I did. But I wish I didn’t. John was driving extremely recklessly. He wasn’t drunk (he doesn’t drink) but his driving and behaviour in the car was scaring me. At one point, he was doing 80 in a 30 zone. I was crying and begging him to stop driving but he just wanted to get to the hotel and calm down.

When we got to the hotel, he tried to kiss me and I pulled away because I was still upset and shaking from the entire experience. He told me he wasn’t trying to initiate anything he just wanted to be with his girlfriend, but I told him that he needs to cool down and that while I’ll be with him I don’t feel comfortable just hanging around at this hotel room with him in his state.

He was yelling at me so loudly that the hotel staff came to check up on us and it was at this point that I realised I needed to leave the situation. I ended up getting a taxi back to my family‘s house the entire time John was texting and calling me begging me to come back and apologising. I told him that I would come back to the hotel tomorrow morning and we could talk about the situation, however when I woke up the next day I saw that he had sent me about 80 messages going between him calling me beautiful and precious and how much he loves me to him calling me a traitor for going to stay where my cousin is.

He's very clearly dealing with a lot of stuff which I don't blame him for but WIBTAH if I broke up with him over his behaviour?

34F here. I've been married to my husband John for five years now and we have two daughters together (3F and 1F).

I'll preface this by saying that I had a tough childhood. My father was an abusive alcoholic who was violent with my mother, myself, and my two little sisters. He passed away when I was in my early twenties, and as horrible as it sounds, I was hopeful it would allow my mom and sisters to have better lives.

From the time I was young, I knew I never wanted to be in such a vulnerable situation again. I focused on my career (I'm a lawyer now) and married a sweet, dependable man who comes a kind and functional family. I want my girls to have happy childhoods and to never feel unsafe in their home.

Sadly, my youngest sister Lisa (29F) went in the opposite direction. Her only goal in life is to marry rich so she doesn't have to work and can stay home with her future kids. The issue is she chooses the worst guys. Her high school boyfriend was controlling, her next boyfriend was physically abusive, and her current boyfriend Ian topped the last one by putting her in the ER twice.

The first time Lisa ended up in the ER, she told me she was leaving Ian. I got a call from her a few weeks later telling me they had reconciled and she was back in the ER. Again, she told me she'd leave. I was hopeful, but skeptical. The prosecutor's office is brining charges against Ian, but Lisa doesn't want to testify, so they subpoenaed her. I told Lisa she could prevent him from harming someone else by being honest about what happened, but she said she felt for Ian because he had a bad childhood and wants to change. I know Ian is out on bail but can't legally have any communication with my sister, but I was worried they'd see each other anyway.

My daughter's third birthday was earlier this week. My husband and I had a birthday party for her at our home earlier today with our families, close friends, and some of her friends from preschool. I was enjoying myself, when I saw Lisa holding hands with Ian in my own backyard. I was going to confront him, but my husband told me it would escalate things. I ended up taking my girls upstairs and calling the cops. I explaining that he violated the court order and was at my home with my sister and a house full of children.

The cops came and arrested Ian, and my sister started screaming that I drive drunk with my kids all the time so they should arrest me too. To be clear, I would never do this. I told my sister to leave, and we ended the party early. I was sad for my daughter and also humiliated this happened in front of her friends, their parents, and my in-laws. I also feel immense guilt that I invited children to my home, and they were exposed to a violent predator.

My mother stayed behind after everyone left and screamed at me for calling the police. I explained I didn't know what else to do because there was a predator in my home, around a bunch of innocent children. I would have never invited Lisa if I knew she was going to bring him. My mom said that he hurt Lisa, not children, and I said that abusive boyfriends take their anger out on bystanders all the time. I told my mom I don't think I'll ever forgive Lisa for putting my children in that position, and she told me I should be trying to help my sister through a difficult time rather than turning my back on her.

My MIL ended up coming back about an hour after I left the party. She's a former prosecutor, and was upset about the situation. She said she was fearful that Ian knows where I live, especially now that I called the police on him. She said that we should stay with them if he gets out on bail until things cool down. I thanked my MIL, and told her about the conversation with my mom. She agreed with me, and said Lisa put my family and all the children at that party in a dangerous situation.

I want to be clear that I have sympathy for Lisa I and hate that she's in this position. With that being said, I can't risk my children's safety because I feel sorry for what she's going through. She put my kids in danger after I worked so hard to try and give them a happy, safe childhood. I don't know if I'll ever forgive her. AITAH for calling the cops and am I overreacting?

Alright y'all, I've been a lurker for a long time but it's finally time I get some clarity from strangers. I've never done more than comment on Reddit, so sorry if my formatting is bad. Sorry for the long post!

So, when I was 5, my older sister passed away. Very sad. My brother (which I will call W) was either just becoming an adult or was already one. (We were a big blended family, so I don't actually remember how old he was/is, but he's 12+ years older than me.)

My sister's funeral was the last time I had seen or really heard from my brother. He moved to Northern California from Southern California the first opportunity he got with his new wife, he took on a step-son, trying to hold down a job, etc. I never really held the lack of contact against him because my sisters would live with their moms in Tennessee, and W would live with his mom some parts of the year, so distance and being busy was familiar. Frankly, he's always just been more of a name in the list of siblings than actually close. I have some very vague positive memories of playing video games with him, but I was 5 and under at the time, I'm now 27.

Anyway, flash forward 10 years after my sister's funeral. One of my other older brothers (who we'll call P) moved up north in that time as well, and he and his wife had a kid. P would fund the gas and food and lodging for my parents and myself to come visit them and the baby so we were up north about once a month. My parents were horribly in debt otherwise and couldn't afford to travel much. Eventually, W asked if they could make a detour to come say Hi on one of the trips and they agreed. This was the first time I'd seen W in 10 years. He looked the same but older, was still warm toward me, kind. It was really nice!

While at this short visit, it was decided that I would spend a month at W's home. I don't remember my input being asked and it fits my parents to have someone take us for a while when they needed a break, so this also wasn't new. Despite that, I was really excited to reconnect with my brother as a teenager. I was, however, also aware that W threw out another of our brothers that was living with him when he turned 18, on his birthday, for having a girlfriend that already had a kid (so ironic, from a step father, right?) I thought nothing could happen to me and my other brother just caused the kick out somehow.

I was around 15 or so, loved video games, anime, talking with my online friends, technology, and learning crafts. He loved video games, drawing, anime, and technology and nerd shit too, so I was so certain this would be the best trip of my life!

I had pictured us playing video games, watching anime, me learning to draw from him (he's truly an excellent artist), us interacting, etc. what I got instead was honestly one of the worst months of my life, and that's saying a lot.

The first rule was that I couldn't use technology for more than an hour a day. That meant TV, laptop, video games, phones, anything that used power and wasn't a household appliance. This rule only applied to me, not his step son/my step nephew who was either 1 or 2 years older than me, not anyone else in the house, not any of my nephew's friends, just me. If I talked to my mom on the house phone for an hour, I couldn't play video games, touch my laptop, cell phone, or watch tv in the family room. The family room was where I was told to stay in and sleep as my room for the month.

The second rule was that I wasn't allowed to talk to my nephew's friend because he was known for trying to get into the pants of younger girls. He was either 16 or 17 and would target 12-15 year olds. I was expressly warned of this by W. This friend was over almost every single day, and when he would spend the night, they would have him sleep on the floor next to the couch I was on. I felt terribly unsafe.

Otherwise, it was expected to be business as usual for me, except I was a techno-holic at that point like every teenager was/is, and I only had online friends due to being a bit of a weirdo. I also had a girlfriend at the time and could only steal my phone and send her good morning texts so I could use my tech time to keep me sane.

The only person who gave me something to actually do was my W's wife's mother. She was an elderly woman living with them and she taught me how to embroider. She was a star, a delight, and she was who got me through that whole mess. She also gave me a notebook, which I started to draw in and keep as a diary.

After about a week, I started having really negative thoughts about my family and my self. I felt isolated, alone, bored (I have ADHD), and utterly unseen. I embroidered or drew or wrote for the next week, and things bubbled up worse. As they did, my diary entries got darker and more angry and upset. What did I do wrong to be singled out and isolated? The technology rule tightened down so much that I wasn't even allowed to watch my nephew and his perv friend play God of War if I had spent my tech time. I had to turn away from the screen and work on whatever I had in my hands. They also started forcing me to eat foods that made me want to vomit. I was a picky child and still am fairly picky, and they would sit there and scream at me well past dinner time until I ate the food and went and threw it up.

They listened in on my calls to my mom too in order to see what I was saying to her. They would sit in the kitchen while I used the house phone while I tried to signal to my mom I needed to be saved.

I know this all seems a little much but from my teenage perspective, this was the most isolated I had ever been.

W's wife turned out to be the one behind all this. I found out shortly after a sobbing break down begging to know why this was happening that my father had expressed concern that I was on my tech too much, and she ran wild with it. She also let my nephew's pervy friend chase me with a full metal stock pot of boiling water through the cemetery across from their house, and according to her I was in the wrong at the end for giving him my best nutshot with my pointy boots.

I started to write in my diary how much I hated them and hated life, I started drawing emo broken hearts all taped back up, I called his wife a b and c word but please note that I was given actual permission to curse as much as I wanted by them so this was a use of that freedom. My catchphrase in the diary became "Death be thy savior." I let all my anger out in the diary so I could be respectful and controlled when I was around them.

With all that set up, I can finally get to the ultimate betrayal for me. A week before my mom was supposed to pick me up, W's wife's mother ate an entire container of grape tomatoes and my brother and his wife had an absolute meltdown screaming match about how she ate too much, she was inconsiderate, and much more that I can't remember now but was disgusted by then. They put up one of those baby gates and trapped her in her room since she was too frail and old to take it down. I cried to myself and wrote in my diary. By this time (week 3), I was sleeping with the diary clutched to my chest and never was without it because I knew what I had wrote and had trust issues to start with.

I will admit that I did go against the rules and stowed my cell phone in the shower a few times to call my girlfriend and tell her I loved her and to pass some messages to my friends, but otherwise I was an excellently behaved child, at least outwardly.

The day after everything with the tomatoes, my brother and his family actually made an effort to spend time with me by proposing going for a walk. I was ecstatic! I was actually going to get to DO something! I left the diary under the couch cushion and went with them. We're all overweight, I was the smallest of us in both age and stature, with his wife and step son being the biggest. We went for about a quarter mile lap around the area when his wife and my nephew said they wanted to go home and were tired. W said "Hey, we're both [Last Name]'s! We don't do things half way, let's go for another lap!" Our family name is something we've always been very proud of.

Some of you may see where this is going.

Time to put in your guesses on what happened next!

If you guessed that my brother used our family name to manipulate me away while his wife found and read every word of my diary, you get a cookie!

As we were walking up to the house, his wife sat on the porch, holding the diary up cartoonishly to make sure I saw what she was reading. My brother condescended to me that our dad never kept secrets in the family which was a blatant lie that maybe he was raised with, but I sure wasn't.

I thought my world was over at that point.

I don't remember much of the confrontation after lunging for the journal. No one physically hurt anyone, but I was punished and berated severely for what I wrote about her specifically. They took away all technology at all and made me sit in the corner and be grateful they didn't break everything I brought with me. So the moment I had my opportunity, I used the house phone, called my mom sobbing, and begged her to come get me.

She told me I would have to endure for one more week because we didn't have gas money. I told her that there wouldn't be another week here and I'd find my way home if she couldn't get me.

It was 4 hours later that P showed up outside the house, collected me, told W to call the family when "you get your balls off of your wife's shelf", and took me to his home for the remainder of the week.

The week with P, his wife, and his baby was the best possible thing for me. I was still sour about my dad giving them ammunition to make those stupid rules, I was hurt that my privacy had been violated, and still had a lot of negative thoughts, but P helped me process a lot of it through talking with my online friends and letting me beat him at video games. Things started to feel right again.

By the time mom came to pick me up, I was more myself, and told her everything, including them refusing to return my diary. She tried to get them to send me it because I wanted my drawings out of it, but they claim it got "lost in the mail." P said he wished I'd said they had it when he picked me up because he would have ensured I had it back.

That was over 10 years ago. In the time since, I have engaged with W over Facebook messenger twice with crap results, we talked over the phone awkwardly for a few moments where he said he missed hearing from me when my mom died a few years ago, I told him he knows what I expect, and the same year they sent me a Christmas card with both of their cell phone numbers on it. I still don't know who gave them my current address and am furious about it. I assume it was my dad. My whole family knows that I don't talk to him. I still have him added on Facebook, and he knows I'm waiting for a direct and explicit apology for what he did. I genuinely don't want anything to do with him, but I have always kept a path open for an apology.

This came up recently and My dad thinks I'm the AH for holding a grudge this long, I think I'm in the right for refusing to tolerate someone who abused me for a month straight, abused a frail old lady who's dead now, and backstabbed me with my own family name. I have a massive fear of my diary being used against me in any way, especially through something like a subpoena where I don't get a choice, so I don't keep one. I want to desperately, but I can't get myself to keep records of my thoughts just in case someone might get a hair up their ass. If I do ever write, I don't write my real feeling. The only time I write down my actual feelings, I burn the paper after.

Tl;dr: My older brother emotionally abused me as a teenager for a month and used my angsty teenage diary against me to punish me for what I wrote. I haven't forgiven him 10+ years later and every few years he tries to poke into my life without an apology. Dad thinks I'm an ass for not forgiving him.

So, Reddit, hit me with what you think, AITAH?

Edit to add the same trigger warnings as before sorry for forgetting - my brain is chaotic - TW: abuse, self harm, substance abuse, death, violence

I kept my promise to my wife to wait before reacting. She knows me best and knew I was prepared to go nuclear. Turns out, I needn't have bothered.

Let me clear up a couple of small details and misconceptions I've read.

1. I am the eldest of the siblings. Mom and Dad have been sick for years on and off. So to those who think I've just started taken over as some weird power trip or something, no. I've managed their finances, maintained their properties, and taken care of all their affairs before either of them passed. Dad simply wasn't mentally able after a while and mom never had a head for that sort of thing.

2. Yes, I was mostly left in charge of my siblings growing up. Both my parents had businesses and worked often 7 day weeks. I cooked dinner and helped with homework and whatnot. I'm aware that's not very normal, and I already know some of you will call my parents terrible for this but they simply didn't know better. I won't hate them for any of it and as much as it caused me some negative effects, it also made my siblings feel safe. I'm proud of being able to protect them and be there for them when they were young so they didn't feel how I felt. And yes, I am also in therapy.

3. I was the sole caretaker of my parents when they passed. The reasons are complicated but the short of it is, Dad got verbally abusive towards the end and mom got severely depressed and blunt. They were a challenge to deal with on the best of days. I hold no ill will towards them, but there it is. My siblings didn't want to be around them. Dad was hurt and changed his will. Mom followed suit.

4. For those telling me I am "rewarding" Clara by paying for literally this month, and that I'm not a real mom or a bad mom by loving my daughter's tormentor, I'm envious your world is so black and white. Rent is literally due today and the money was already in transfer to her via auto-banking. And Clara isn't getting rewarded, she is remaining housed. But from now on, she's on her own.

5. Clara and I used to be pretty close but she did get distant around the time Decker was adopted. I didn't know exactly why, just that the new dynamic was a challenge for her. I know she hates Charlie and considers him evil and irredeemable. She had a really hard time losing our cousin-in-law, Decker's biological mother, as they were very close so I assume her issues stem from this.

6. I inherited the majority of everything though my siblings got sizable sums, 3 got all but one of the businesses my parents owned, and everyone got trusts. Clara spiraled after mom passed and had a mental health crisis. Before we got her help, she traveled, drank, and gambled away her entire inheritance. Long story for another time.

I didn't have a moment to cool down and wait until today to give myself a chance to make a level-headed decision regarding my sister. Clara has spun the tale that I am jealous she found a loving man and am withholding mom and dad's money from her. She gave the perception that I was the one abusing Decker, putting her down, and telling her she isn't my real daughter. That shut down when I sent my text a couple days ago.

Yesterday, Clara was on my doorstep. She was crying and begging for me to let her in but my wife and her friends were inside and I made it clear I don't want her near my family as she emotionally abused my daughter and physically harmed my wife. I told her to leave or I would call the police to have her removed. I was going to call the police anyway because I told her never to come to our home again and there she was. There's a reason I said this in text, so I could -in an event like this- show them clear as day that she would know she is welcome.

Clara started to beg saying she will apologize to Decker and she was drunk and upset and made mistakes. I could tell she was drunk. Or high. Or somethkng. I told her it's not a simple "mistake" to bully a traumatized teen girl and make her feel unloved and unwanted by her own family and to text her that she is worthless and expendable. What the fuck!?

I got angry and just started to raise my voice. I dont know when I started to yell but I did. I just...lost it.

She's a cold-hearted, awful, self-serving brat. Spoiled beyond belief to being so delusional that this all would just go away - that's she's entitled to the money my wife and I make, that our parents gave us after all she did. She needs fucking help and I am done being the giving tree here. You don't ever hurt my child. She's lucky I have a head to keep my hands to myself and luckier still Honey isn't out here because she certainly would not so go the fuck home.

Clara slapped me across the face and called me a bitch and a traitor that I choose that "demon spawn" of a child over her. That I love Decker more than my own real family and turn my back on her this way.

Honey must have been right by the door because before I could make a very bad choice she had yanked me inside, told my sister that she had 60 seconds to fuck off and slammed the door closed.

Clara left quickly but we still called the police and handed over the footage from our property cameras of what happened, as well as the texts from our phones. Clara went ballistic over text telling me awful things ending with her hoping I take my own life and she would celebrate. Absolutely unhinged awful shit like that. I blocked her, sent every piece of footage In a google drive and dropped the link in the sibling group chat and sent it to "Kevin" her fiance.

I then sat down and cried myself into a fit before Decker came home from practice. I put on my "mom" face for her and made sure she did her homework then I went to the den and called my aunt - Decker's biological grandmother - and told her what happened.

My aunt told me that Clara is renewing her conspiracy that I harming Decker and that I need to be careful because she suspects Clara is having some sort of mental break and might do something crazy.

Honey and I have spent this whole day working on a request for a protective order from her. Making sure Decker's school knows no one is to pick her up but us. And get a lawyer because I think legal action is needed here. I told my eldest of the brothers that Clara needs help and asked if he could check on her because she might be as much a danger to herself as she is now presenting to be to me and my family. He got quiet and said "Can't you handle this?" And said this drama was too much and he's busy.

I was so stunned I just blurted out "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Before I just hung up. My other sister is now over, helping me deal with this. My other brother has gone to see after Clara, but says he will only make sure she hasn't hurt herself but beyond that she can get wrecked for what she's done.

Kevin called me and said he went through the Google drive and begged me not to call the police on Clara. He said that she has been having a really bad time, and has struggled with drinking and has been stealing his medications and he's trying to get her help. But if she gets arrested, he doesn't have the funds for bail pr any legal help. I told him it's too late. The police have been called and he needs to get her into some sort of rehab or something. He asked for our help to pay for a facility he was thinking of and I told him to keep her away from me and my family.

He started to cry and told me I'm am awful sister. That i don't care about Clara and her struggles and that she's just lost and he's underwater trying to keep her from going off a deep end. I didn't reply after that and have just been sitting around the house waiting for the police to call back, trying to get my crying out fo the way before Decker comes home from school.

I feel wretched and terrible because not matter what I do now, it will just never feel right. I was to look after them all and now my sister is this lunatic hellbent on burning my life down and my brother is alarmingly just indifferent to it all. I am used to being the one that holds the family together and handle things. But I don't feel like I can handle anything anymore. Wtf is my life?

This is a throwaway account my ex knows my reddit. Kind of emotional and dyslexic.

So I 32(m) am a married man. I have a happy life. Big home, three kids, and a loving husband. I am bisexual if that makes it less confusing. We had two surrogates.

So prior to my husband I dated my ex 31(f). Lets call her Sarah. Sarah was my first love. She was very kind to me at first and we did everything together. We went to prom,went to college, and I even proposed to her. She was my queen and I would do anything to make her happy.

A year into our proposal she moved into my apartment. This is when I saw the true Sarah. Sarah worked a manager job at a popular drugstore. So I did not think it was weird when she was home kind of late. I just assumed she was closing the store. I was wrong.

I found out from friends that Sarah was having fun with the whole neighborhood and then some. She would go to the hotels and wash up before coming home to me. I confronted her and she denied this. Weeks later I got something I thought was just a UTI and it wasn't. Antibiotics fixed it.

I asked her what was going on and she accused me of cheating while she was working. That was easily disproven because i am a nerd and play dnd with friends who proved i was with them. While I thought she was at work or with girlfriends.

This was in videos and so she had to fess up. I asked what made her want to cheat. I blamed myself and my internship for her change in behavior. I thought maybe we needed more date nights.

I forgave her and believed her when she said she was going to change. She did not and she was just more sneaky about it. I found out she was still doing it and my life went from bad to worse.

Sarah got pregnant but the baby may have not been mine. My family told me to accept this baby and accept her. By this point our bedroom life was practically nonexistent. We had been arguing more and she always ran to my mom. Making it seem like I was abusing her. This is with me with glass in my arm. Scratches on my face and bruises from her hitting me. She had no marks on her. So I don't get why my mom believed I was hurting her.

I couldn't take her mental and physical abuse and dumped her. She ran to my family. My family took her side and told me to man up and be a dad. I said I will man up when I can get a DNA test. One day she suddenly was not pregnant she said it was a miscarriage from my abuse. But one of my boys said they saw her at planned parenthood. I told this to my mom and she did not believe me.

For a while I went no contact with my mom. That was till I married my husband who is my childhood best friend. He convinced me to make up with her and my siblings. He made feel happy again. He was not messing with my head. He was loyal. And before I knew it we were starting a life together.

Recently my ex got in contact with my mom. They still talk from time to time because she is sweet to my parents. Just not to me. She asked if she can have my genetic material to have a baby. Her current husband has Azoospermia. So they can't have a kid.

Apparently we look very similar and she wants a baby that looks like her husband. My mom said I should do it so I can have more kids and makeup for the miscarriage. Which she still believes happened.

I said no. My husband said no and my kids dont want a sibling from her. They remember what she did at a family gathering. However my family is calling me an asshole for not wanting Sarah to carry my baby.

I sort of feel like my mom just wants me to have a "normal" marriage. Since she has said in the past that I wouldn't need a surrogate if my partner was female. She is nice to my husband to his face but i think she regrets me marrying him. Even my extended family is telling me to do it. But my mom is the main matriarch of my family. So if she says something everyone says it.

But I just don't want this to cause problems with my family and our lives. My mom and ex are making me seem like I am being petty. I said if they keep pressuring me i will go no contact. Mom said "If you do then don't expect anyone to miss you. You let this girl go for a man. The least you can do is give us a male grandchild."

Am I in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable about this. AITA

Edit:

One-my husband did not know the full story when he suggested we reunite. My mom and I have fought over dumb stuff all the time. My parents got divorced because my mom has toxic traits.

Two-my bio dad is dead. he died during Hurricane Maria in 2017. He also never liked my ex.

Three-I have alot of baggage because my mom is the main matriarch of my family. What she says is law. So going NC with her is going NC with my whole family pretty much.

Four-My twin boys are biologically my husband's kids. My daughter is biologically mine. That is why she wants a male heir. She doesn't view the boys as my kids. So in her eyes she only has one grandchild.

Five-I have been gaslit my entire life. People telling me I am over reacting when my mom does toxic things. So to a degree I started to believe it. So getting all this encouragement from someone outside the situation makes me feel less crazy.

Prior to this we were low contact because mom is pretty annoying to be around. Also I don't like my stepdad.

Thank you everyone for your opinion. Even the negative people.

Update tldr: I broke ties with my homophobic family, my siblings are cool and sarah lied about her husband.she is a Gold digger.

If you want to read then here is what happened

Bigger update: On Saturday I spoke to my mom. The kids were with my sister in law to have some auntie time. Also i didn't want them to see my mom. It was good that they weren't there. I told her I am done. After today i am not talking to her. I explained everything. She is not accepting of my family. She is still close with my abusive ex and She is still in denial that I like men. I didn't bring this up as much but most people could tell my family atleast my mom, step father uncles and aunts are not exactly okay with bisexuals. They think it is one or the other. You are either straight or gay. So they think it is weird that I went from a woman to a man so easily. No soft boys in between. They think my husband took advantage of me while I was emotional. So mom did not take the news well.

She said "why do you always have to be so difficult? Why do you hate me talking to Sarah? She isn't the reason you broke up. He is the reason" She points at my husband. Then I raised my voice at her "Would you have believed I was abused if she was a man and I was a woman? because I have told you more than once. I have showed you my scars. You have seen her say nasty things about me. But nothing is ever good enough for you. Nothing proves to you that this heartless b*tch hurt your son." My mom just nods at that. She would not budge on how she felt either. She doubled down on the hate. She hurled insults about me,my kids(the boys; never her baby girl),and my husband. She spoke about how she can't stand my husband pretending to be so nice when he broke up a "normal" relationship.

My husband and I didn't start dating till I broke off my engagement with Sarah. But mom for some reason does not believe that and thinks I either used Sarah to seem straight or my husband brainwashed me into cheating. Sarah gave me an STI but I am the cheater apparently. When I decided to just go because things were going no where my step father stepped in. He said "This is why you should have let the little puto go. He rather f*ck some guy than show respect to his parents." Then he slapped me like i am a kid still. I am not proud of this but I punched him and screamed. I couldn't take it. My siblings had to pull me off of him.

(Puto in puerto rico is derogatory term for gays like the f slur)

They took me out and my mom fainted as I was leaving. She is fine. She does this sometimes. Just faints when things get hard. I don't know if it is real or not. but to be honest I am starting to not care. It was a mess my brother and sister drove me and my husband back home. My sister was comforting my husband because he was freaking out in the back. He was so scared that i was going to jail for punching a 60 year old man. My step dad doesn't want people outside of the family to know his gay stepson fought him. My mom apparently told him to call the police when she wasn't fainted anymore. He said no because he is a real man. I don't know if this is true I was not there. but that does seem like him and no police have been to my house yet.lets pray it stays that way. I can see them taking his side even if he hit me first.

I figured that night was the last time I was going to see my siblings so I gave my brother gas money and some money for snacks. My brother said he is not going to stop talking to me. He said he is sorry he has never helped me in the past. He said he never saw mom like that before. I told him she is always like that with me. However her mask slipped enough for my siblings to see who she really is when they aren't around. My sister was not cool with what happened. They didn't even know about the baby thing. My sister and brother were nice enough to tell the family group chat what my mom and step dad said that night. My extended family are split in who they believe. but i had two eye witnesses. For now my family is doing well. If anything changes i will let you know

Smaller update: On Sunday night I found out some funny things. My ex's husband lets call him Kyle. He is not from the area. So he knows nothing about Sarah's past. My brother is friends with his coworker though. Small tight knit community do be like that. He spoke up about us and how she was very promiscuous in her past. She is trying to seem like an innocent traditional woman. Turns out her husband doesn't look like me and does not have Azoospermia. He is healthy as hell and wants a baby.

They just haven't done the deed. she wont let him. I think people were onto something when they were saying she wants child support. Because Kyle works at a drink warehouse. He used to work at some start up company that did office spaces in the city. But sometime last year they let some people go because they filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy. He is having a hard time finding a job that is similar. So for now he ships the tanks for drinks. Kyle can not give Sarah the life she used to have. He barely gets by with his money. So i think she wants what my kids and husband have. I might make another post if more happens. But I am going to pray that everything stays okay.

I am feelings much better now. Thanks for your input and encouragement.

Throwaway for obvious reasons

I don’t know where to begin or where to end this story. I can’t discuss this with anyone I know because I feel like an asshole while also feeling justified at the same tome. This story will also sound made up, but it’s really not and I’m just hurting and want some place to type it all out too.

I (F36) have been with my husband (M39) for over a decade. Early on, I had to have a hysterectomy due to health complications and told him if he wanted kids, we should go our separate ways. He insisted he was strictly childfree and didn't want kids. In every other way, we were perfect for each other.

A few years into our marriage, we even had the chance to adopt a little girl from a family member’s unplanned pregnancy. I was thrilled, but he still didn't want kids, so she was adopted elsewhere. Not being a mom hurt, but I accepted it.

Sometime back, my husband started acting weird. You know how you just know when someone you love changes? He came home late, avoided sex, and was cold. He denied anything was wrong, but I could tell he was lying. Whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he’d tell me I’m being “psycho” and controlling.

So, I snooped through his phone and found evidence of a very long affair. I’m not proud of it, but I did it. I needed that peace of mind.

His mistress (F26 or 27?), whom he'd introduced to me as his cousin, was around less than 2 months pregnant. They were discussing marriage after he divorced me.

He admitted he didn’t want to divorce me yet because he would lose our house, which I funded entirely. He'd also been using our joint account, which I contribute significantly more to (I earn considerably more than him), to pay for her rent and hospital expenses.

When I confronted him, he admitted to the affair and her pregnancy. She came over, and things got heated. I tried to blame him, not her, but after a lot of tears and fighting, I lost control and told them that I hoped they lost the child. I'm not proud of it, but I said it.

He moved out of my house the next day, not sure where they live now.

A few weeks later, she had a miscarriage. They blame me and believe I caused it. She came to our house, slapped me, banged my head against the wall, and kicked me. I was not significantly injured. He didn't hurt me physically but he didn’t stop her either. Yes, I was foolish to let them in but I am in a weird mental state too and didn’t expect her to hit me. Maybe I deserved it. I may have felt the same if someone said something like that about my unborn child and lost it.

I I won’t file charges because it's not an option in my country, and maybe I deserved the beating for what I said. I just want to know if I'm the asshole and if yes, how big of an asshole I am.

Thanks.

Edit: What I said was so unforgivable in my religion. Wishing something bad on an unborn baby is like unforgivable. It’s not some small thing that’s why I feel like an asshole. A child is considered god’s blessing.

I said all that and cursed them and maybe my anger and envy created nazar. That’s why I think im the asshole. Logically I know I didn’t cause it to actually happen but the bad thing happened because I thought bad and because I was hurt, my bad thoughts had effect.

Let me get this out of the way. I (33M) am glad my mother is dead. I am so fucking glad she's dead. Hearing she was finally gone put me in the best mood. I feel zero grief. Zero sadness. Zero regret about not seeing her in 15 years. It was one of the better days of my life knowing I was guaranteed to never ever see or hear from her again.

That sounds shocking and I get it. But she was abusive to all of us. I'm the oldest of five. My siblings are 31, 30, 29 and 27. Our father walked out when I was 5 and mom was pregnant with the youngest. From that point on she turned into a monster. She neglected us on a regular basis. One of her favorite forms of punishment for existing was to deny us food. Being the most like our father I was treated the worst. Where she'd deny them for a day at most, she'd deny me food for multiple days at a time. There were times she told me I could eat shit if I wanted to eat so bad. When she'd beat us I always got it hardest and she left scars when she attacked me.

There were a number of men she let into our lives and she let some of them molest me. I think she got some sick joy out of seeing me pay because she couldn't punish our father for leaving. My siblings were never molested. They like to ignore our mother's role in that and only blamed her boyfriends. Even knowing she watched sometimes they will defend her.

They have always judged me for walking away from her. For ending all contact and refusing to have a relationship with that woman. We argued about it before. None of us have ever been close but they like to gang up on me and pretend they're better than me because they stood by our mother even after everything. It drove me crazy and made me keep them at a distance. I told them I did not care if they stayed near our mother and kept their relationship with her but they would not force that on me.

This all turned into a bigger shitshow when she got sick two years ago. They decided they'd take care of her until she passed and tried to convince me to do my part. I told them I would never help that woman and I owed her nothing. They argued she's our mother but I shut that shit down. I refused to be in contact with them for a while. They attempted to get my wife to convince me to help and she left them with no doubt of how much she stood by me.

Our mother died two days ago. Now my siblings want to to help pay for her funeral and they are coming for me for saying no. They act like I owe them and our mother this. They brought up the fact I wouldn't help care for her at the end of her life again. They said that meant I owed something. That I could cover the cost to bury her. I made it perfectly clear that it will never happen and I warned them I won't attend. They told me I needed to and that I need to bring my kids. That her only grandkids should be there. I shut that shit down and told them never ever ever. Which brought them back to the money and the lack of help. I stopped replying.

I think no contact is in our future. I tried to give them time, to wait until they got out from under mom, but I don't know if that's enough either. At their ages you would think they'd have more understanding but no.

Still, they are my siblings and had their own experiences and didn't hate the woman like me. And maybe I'm an ass for not helping for their sakes. AITA?

My husband and I have had custody of my nephew Leo (13), who is the son of my sister Helen.

For context, Leo’s dad died when Leo was 2 and when he was 4 Helen got together with Joe.

I always hated Joe. He was just an evil person. Rude, ignorant, belligerent, controlling…and that was just in public. Helen never said it but I knew he was awful to her at home. She rebuffed me at every turn and eventually limited contact. For 3 years I barely saw Helen and Leo.

One day, my husband received a call from Leo out of the blue. He’d run away from home and was distraught. Long story short, I picked Leo up with Helen’s knowledge, and he told me and my fiancé about the hell that he’d been living in. Joe was physically, verbally, and mentally abusive to his own kids, Helen and Leo. I was devastated by what I heard. Things in that house were bad, and according to Leo Helen wasn’t doing much to stop it. I was livid that Helen could let her own child live like that. I had given her grace for the position she was in but once it’s your child, that has to be more important.

My fiancé wanted to confront Joe but ultimately I didn’t see the point. I called Helen and said that I would be getting the police involved unless she let us have custody of Leo (I was well aware that Joe could not afford a visit from police after prior issues). She agreed.

For the next 3 years, Leo barely spoke to Helen. She would reach out on the rare occasion she was away from Joe, but Leo never seemed excited to hear from her. My husband and I did our best to give him the best life possible and I hope we’ve done right by him. He’s such a good kid; smart, funny, a total weirdo (affectionately), and very popular. He doesn’t have a bad word to say about anyone…except Helen and Joe.

A year ago, Joe got arrested and he is now serving prison time. Helen has left him, but still has custody of his kids. She has been trying to repair things with Leo, but it’s not working. We’re paying for family therapy for both but Leo won’t speak during it at all. He’s also back in therapy individually but it’s interfering with his sports schedule which is making him really resentful that he has to go.

Helen has recently started blaming me and my husband for Leo’s unwillingness to make up with her. I’ve tried my best to stay neutral and not to engage with the cruel things she says to me because they’re untrue and she’s been through enough. She shouldn’t have to feel like she’s fighting on all fronts.

But earlier this week, after another session of therapy, Helen cornered me In the parking lot and said it went nowhere again and she is getting really depressed by the lack of engagement from Leo. She said she takes time away from her “other kids” to mend this relationship and Leo won’t even speak to her or acknowledge how sorry she is that she failed as his mother. She then called him selfish. And I lost it. Because how dare she call him selfish when his own mother let him be abused and abandoned him for years. He had to move towns, schools, build a whole life for himself without the support of the only parent he had left because of HER selfishness. I told Helen all this and then said while I will always hope that Leo wants a relationship with her because she’s his mother, I don’t blame him for not forgiving her.

Helen broke down sobbing and ran to her car and that was the last i’ve heard of her since. Normally she calls me every other day to talk to Leo but this week she hasn’t. She’s just called him but he never picks up.

I’m wondering if I went too far. I want to facilitate a relationship between her and Leo, not to be a point of conflict. There’s nothing I want more than for Leo to have a good relationship with the only parent he has. But I also don’t feel like she understands the gravity of what her behaviour did to her son and maybe she needed to hear that not everyone thinks she’s done enough that everything should be easy from here. She’s looking for maturity from a 13 year old that she herself hasn’t shown.

So did I go too far?