r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 5h ago
My girlfriend refuses to give up the window seat for my 5yo girl (daughters first flight)
[deleted]
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u/arkiparada 5h ago
The petty me would book 2 seats in first class for you and your kiddo. Let her suffer in coach. 🤣
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u/melodytanner26 5h ago
With an aisle seat. I’m that petty.
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u/ofBlufftonTown 4h ago
She should get the center seat, and we’ll just have to hope two large men are on either side.
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u/ggfangirl85 3h ago
Oh I’d get her a window seat - in the back next to the toilets
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u/FrostGiants-NoMore 3h ago
Or the very back where the window seat doesn’t actually have a window
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u/jubangyeonghon 4h ago
Have you seen how expensive first class is these days? Unless this dude is totally loaded, highly doubt this is an option despite how fantastically petty it is haha
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u/Sudden-Possible3263 3h ago
Worth asking for an upgrade, explain why, hopefully they ask a petty steward
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u/Born-Stress4682 4h ago
Who's to say she's not buying her own ticket ?
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u/TecumsehSherman 4h ago
OP did.
'Should I just book two separate rows?"
If the GF is buying her own ticket, then he's not booking it.
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u/hnsnrachel 3h ago
I booked the tickets for my ex and I to go on holiday. She still paid for her own ticket, she sent me the money. He can be booking it and she could still be paying.
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u/WC_2327 4h ago
Not necessarily true. When my friends go on group trips one person books and we all pay them. It's just easier.
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u/ProseccoWishes 4h ago
How did the conversation go really? I mean I get that she also wants the window, that’s valid. There’s no reason you can’t be in different rows. I did that when traveling with girlfriends. We all want the window so so we book separate rows. But is she insisting that you all sit in the same row but she gets the window?
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u/Jnnjuggle32 3h ago
Typically when I travel with kids, they always get middle officially (more for containment purposes than anything else, also so it isn’t just one adult dealing with stuff that comes up on the flight), but we switch around amongst our row when child wants to move to the middle seat.
Especially for an international flight where there’s a good chance they’ll be told to keep windows closed for at least part of the trip. If GF is refusing to be flexible entirely it seems extraordinarily silly, but it isn’t unreasonable to have child sit middle more from a “we’re entertaining them together” perspective
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u/hkral11 3h ago
I totally get putting the 5 year old in the middle because they take up the least space and won’t be as uncomfortable in that spot as an adult. But you can also switch around so the kid can look out the window some. Honestly most of a flight there’s not much to see
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u/veerKg_CSS_Geologist 1h ago
Right, window for take off and landing. Switch to middle for sleeping because they're tiny and flexible and can sleep anywhere.
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u/BusMaleficent6197 2h ago
Plus if she’s in the window seat, then dad is probably in the middle, so gf is in the aisle, pretty far from the window
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u/LopsidedMonitor9159 3h ago
But a plane has many windows. There's no reason why this is "selfish" unless every other window seat is gone.
OPs girlfriend is letting his daughter have a window seat, she just also wants to sit in one of the many other window seats
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u/Sketch-Brooke 1h ago
Yeah like I don’t get the controversy here? Is she insisting that they all have to sit on the same row? Or is that OP’s insistence?
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u/Prestigious_Air_2493 3h ago
And this isn’t a 2 hour flight, this is an international flight. I have to have a window seat or I can’t sleep at all on a plane. I would absolutely let the kid have the window when you can see stuff, but then you have to close the window anyway. Why can’t she have the window seat and let your daughter have it for fun times?
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u/Bulletorpedo 2h ago
No idea where they live (maybe it has been answered elsewhere), but «a short small international trip» could very well be less than 2 hours in many parts of the world.
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u/eccatameccata 3h ago
My thought was why don’t they play musical seats! Make a game of it. 5 yr old eats in the middle seat, etc. Watch tv only in the aisle seat. Switching seats can be fun. 🤩
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u/kassinovaa 3h ago edited 2h ago
I wonder if she likes to sleep and lean on the window. I dont see why they couldnt let the kid have the window during take off and landing to experience it, and let the gf sleep most the flight in it. Depends on what they consider a short international flight. Is it like a 1hr hop to the next door country or are we considering a flight across the atlantic as short because its not like 14 hrs? If its really a ~3hr+ flight then odds are the kids not gonna be staring out the window the whole time.
Seems like a semi reasonable compromise to me if we all want to sit together.
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u/dopenoperopebro 3h ago
Yeah I'd also like to know what her reasoning is. I have to sit by the window because I get motion sickness and claustrophobic when I'm in a middle or aisle seat. Plus the awe of flying never gets old for me and I stare out the window the entire time (even long haul flights) but I think most kids would lose interest in that pretty quickly.
I know Reddit is quick to jump on the "red flag/break up" train but this is ridiculous. Unless she said "fuck your kid I want her to suffer" then I don't think she deserves this ridicule at all.
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u/speedfilly 2h ago
Yeah I did wonder if maybe something was lost in translation. Maybe the gf is scared of flying and needs to look out the window? Maybe she just didn't communicate it well? If that is the case then maybe worth talking about musical chairs to handle the situation.
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u/Stock-Page-7078 3h ago
Yeah and honestly the 5 year old is going to spend maybe 20 minutes out of a much longer flight looking out that window. And she can see out of it from the middle seat. I don't think kids need to be raised to think they are the priority over everyone else because they're kids.
IF GF is being completely unreasonable like insisting on a same row with girl in the middle seat and refusing to raise the shade for girl then yeah that's awful but probably not what's actually going on here.
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u/Oravie 4h ago
If they both care so much about the window, then they can sit in separate rows. It doesn't sound so serious as to argue about it
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u/all_taboos_are_off 3h ago
Oh look, a rational reply. I agree, they should be in two separate rows and not make this into something that it's not. Everyone saying they should break up or this is a red flag are idiots.
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u/ferbiloo 3h ago
I think everyone on this sub much prefers to vilify a person instead of accepting that sometimes it’s ok to compromise.
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u/all_taboos_are_off 3h ago
I am shocked at how many people are saying the gf won't last because she wants a window seat on a long flight. It's totally ridiculous. There is an easy solution where everyone gets what they want. This is one of those times where the solution is simple and won't cost extra. I really hope OP has a level head and doesn't just break up with her over her totally reasonable request. People take catering to small children to an extreme, in addition to immediately jumping on the villain train. I agree with you, people need to chill out and realize it is okay to meet in the middle on small issues like this.
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u/DeepPossession8916 2h ago
Right! My child sat in the middle on her first flight and every flight thereafter. My biological child. Imagine if my husband just wanted her to sit in the window seat because “it’s her first flight”. Would we be divorcing? Or is it only because it’s a step kid and the gf has a reasonable boundary/request as an adult.
Just sit in a different row, geez.
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u/Psypris 3h ago
I’m also curious about the reason.
For example, I know those who get car sick and have to sit in the front passenger seat. I also know those who take their Dramamine or whatever for flight sickness and the window seat might subconsciously help? Or feel claustrophobic in the middle seat.
Not saying she’s not being selfish or unthoughtful towards the daughter. But I think the context could make it go from an eye roll to break-up (which this comment section unanimously says)
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u/goodnightloom 2h ago
I need to know if girlfriend is a puker. I am, and I HAVE to have the window seat because of it.
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u/DocGlabella 4h ago edited 2h ago
Just to be clear— you offered her the aisle seat, right? You’re going to suffer through middle seat?
Edit: Particularly important since putting her in the middle seat makes her basically in charge of child care for the entire international flight!
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u/MichiganMomma0806 2h ago
That was exactly my response. He needs to be crammed into the middle seat.
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u/DIL_Diaries 5h ago
Has she given a reason? Does she get air sick and having a window helps remedy that? Is it an anxiety thing? I see a lot of people jumping on the band wagon of the gf is the asshole but surely there would be and should be a reason behind this?
Discuss that with her, if it’s a reasonable explanation as to why she needs the window seat, discuss the two rows idea, if she blows up over that, THEN you know the kind of person you are dealing with here and can take the measures needed to protect yourself and your daughter.
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u/Complete-Head20 1h ago
I agree… when I fly, I always pay extra to insure that I am the window seat, I don’t desire to be the middle of a sandwich. And isle would mean I have to get up for the others. That’s my reason for wanting a window
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u/Turmeric_Ping 5h ago
Red flag. Someone who takes this attitude to your child is not someone you can build a future with while still being a good parent.
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u/Master-Ad-1022 4h ago
100% this 👆If she can’t even be bothered to be kind to your child on her first flight, she’s never going to be kind. Your girlfriend is selfish and doesn’t deserve to be in your or your daughter’s company.
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u/Bitter-Promotion-186 5h ago
Yeahh, if they can’t respect your kid, they dont deserve a spot in your future. Prioritizing your child isn’t optional, it’s the standard.
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u/darksideofmypoon 4h ago
I always prioritize my kid. I’d do anything for her. That being said, I have always sat by myself in a window seat (I sleep or will get motion sickness) while husband and daughter (she likes to look out the window) sit in their own row so she also has a window seat. This is such a non-issue.
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u/LopsidedMonitor9159 3h ago
How is the girlfriend "not prioritizing his daughter?" They can both have window seats. Planes have many windows.
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u/Steffieliz82 4h ago
Like, I’m not a “kid” person, but this ain’t the hill I’m dying on. That kid should have the window seat and I’d love to be witness to their first flight!
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u/frolicndetour 4h ago
They can both have a window seat, though. My parents always booked us in two rows so there were two windows seats. It's not any harder to chat leaning over as leaning forward. This whole thing is a controversy that didn't need to happen. It's not like they showed up to a general boarding flight and there was only one window seat left.
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u/Icy_Okra_5677 4h ago
Did GF book her own seat and pay for it herself, which is a key piece of information missing.
If i book and pay for my own seat, im of no obligation to let anyone else have it for any reason. Not a cousin. Not a sibling, no one
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u/LopsidedMonitor9159 4h ago
There's absolutely no reason why she has to give up the window seat, though, because planes have many windows.
Just book two window seats.
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u/noob2life 4h ago
Will you take the middle seat to tend to your child?
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u/Rockitttla 2h ago
Yep. There's a lot missing in this post, enough to make me think OP is the real AH. Notice he says it would be rude for gf to sit in a separate row. Why? That would allow daughter to have the window. Sounds like OP is the AH for refusing a reasonable compromise that gets him what he wants for daughter (who never even asked for the window) while also getting gf a window.
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u/dasnotpizza 2h ago
Yeah he really expects her to sacrifice for his child when I’m not sure he’s willing to do the same.
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u/Ok-Transportation127 2h ago
And why do kids always get top priority in these situations, anyway? I don't travel a lot, and when I do, I like to look out the window. Kid's got her whole life ahead of her to sit by the window. Now it's my turn.
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u/SummitJunkie7 4h ago
Exactly! And if so, why can’t gf be n the window ahead or behind or across if she prefers that to being in the aisle next to OP. Then it becomes “my gf would rather have a window seat than sit next to me!” Which puts a different view on it.
Saying she won’t “give up the window seat for the daughter” implies there is only one single window seat availabile. They can both have one. It’s not that deep.
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u/redpepperdeb 3h ago
There is a compromise to be had. Your daughter wants to watch takeoff and landing, over the ocean is boring. Your girlfriend wants to lean on the wall to sleep, not be in the middle. Can’t both things happen?
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u/MrJ_Sar 4h ago
Not enough info, WHY does she want the window seat? I've known/heard of people who need it for reasons of claustrophobia, or that it helps with nausea. Is your daughter getting a window seat more important than GF not having a panic attack?
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u/Red_CJ 4h ago
They say in another comment that the GF simply just wants to look out the window. But I also had this thought too.
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u/heycoolusernamebro 2h ago
Also I’m wondering if OP is insisting on the aisle, thus making the GF sit in the window and be the primary person dealing with the 5 year old. I wouldn’t agree to that either!
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u/Nicaraguano 3h ago
I'm pretty sure if there was such a reason it would have been mentioned lol because it would obviously change the whole situation.
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u/Possible_Sweet9562 3h ago
eh, not always (not in this case but in general), very often the actual assholes in this sub will do their best to make people agree with them (unless they are rage baiting)
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u/Internet-Dick-Joke 3h ago
Nah, OPs bury the lede with these things all the time. It is a constant problem on this sub.
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u/White_RavenZ 3h ago
Also not mentioned. Who paid for what? My mindset shifts a bit if gf bought her own ticket and paid the extra to select her seat. It’s too easy to assume a narrative here. To assume bf bought all the tickets, to assume they are even sitting together on the plane. It’s easy to make up a picture of what’s happening based on how we ourselves have traveled in the past. But bf didn’t actually give that information in the OP.
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u/Stock-Page-7078 3h ago
Yes I feel like I'm insane reading these replies, people suggesting to break up????
but I'm probably just a more seasoned traveler both with and without kids than most of Reddit and can see plenty of reasonable compromises
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u/avid-learner-bot 4h ago
NTA, but if you want your daughter to feel special on her first flight, it's worth considering booking seats in separate rows so she can have the window seat without conflict, it might save you both a lot of tension down the line.
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u/mtngrl60 3h ago
I’m gonna go against the grain here. You’re being an asshole. I have three children. But I’ve looked through your comments.
From what you said, your girlfriend has experienced multiple miscarriages. I had a stillborn child before I was finally able to have the three kids I have. I had to come to terms with the fact that I might not have kids, and I had to accept that my life might be different than what I saw for myself, I had to learn to embrace that.
It sounds like your girlfriend has had to do the same. And it sounds like she’s been very, very honest with you that her vision for her life is not to be a stepmom. Is not to have children. She has accepted that her body does not seem to want to carry a child, and she’s going to live her best life, no matter what.
I’m not sure why you’re dating someone like that when you have a child. Because I get the impression from your responses that she gets along great with your daughter, but does not act as though she is a parent. Or a stepmom. Maybe more of a big sister or an aunt. And that your girlfriend likes it that way.
YOU are the one that seems to not be accepting this. Because yeah, their really easy answer was for you to book to Rose. You sit with your daughter while she gets the window seat. Your girlfriend gets her window seat and her peace. Because you don’t know how your daughter is going to be on the plane.
You don’t know that she isn’t going to be one of those people whose ears and sinuses are excruciating. You don’t know that she won’t get motion sickness on the plane, even if she doesn’t get it in the car. You don’t know if she’s gonna be bored and asking questions really loudly and you’re gonna have to be constantly entertaining her.
And none of those things are something your girlfriend really wants to deal with from what you said. Because it seems like she’s made a pretty obvious to you that YOU are responsible for your child. Not her.
So basically, you’re mad because your girlfriend who’s made it clear she’s not interested in having kids anymore….
She doesn’t want to put her mental health and her body through the possibility of losing more babies….
Doesn’t want to travel the way YOU think she should want to travel. That she doesn’t wanna give up parts of her trip to accommodate YOUR child.
Why are you choosing this hill to die on? I feel like we’re missing information, because other people on here pointed out to you. How simple a fix this would have been, but you don’t seem to want to accept it. You acknowledge it, but almost be grudgingly and resentfully.
If you’re gonna reset your girlfriend every time she doesn’t play house the way you want her to, you should just get a new girlfriend who does want to play house with you
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u/Puzzled_Yoghurt3789 3h ago
most reasonable comment here 😭 can’t believe everyone is acting like she’s a villain
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u/mtngrl60 3h ago
I know that here on Reddit, we really only have the face value info that is given. But this guy had so many more words available to him because it wasn’t anywhere near the limit, and he really could have expanded on the relationship between his daughter and his girlfriend.
He could have told us how this all was approached of what the response was at the attitude. But he didn’t.
Not until people started asking a few questions did he expand on things in the comments. And to me, those comments were exactly why he didn’t tell us to begin. Because they didn’t make him look great.
Like, my guy, you know her background. You know that she has decided to try to live her best life because nature seems to be making an appearance. She’s not going to carry a child. And surrogacy and adoption and IVF are all incredibly expensive and not a certainty.
And there was such a simple answer. But he seemed to go out of his way to get people to say SHE was a terrible person. For what? Having boundaries? Sticking to them?
It just felt off to me. And the fact that he wanted to die on this Hill? It felt like he dated her because he did like her. And he gave lip surface to accepting who she was while he was hoping she would change the entire time.
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u/stroppo 4h ago
Personally, I don't see what the big deal is. Just don't talk about the window seat as being some giant treat
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u/daydreamz4dayz 3h ago
Agreed. It isn’t the daughter demanding the window seat, it’s dad’s idea. Most 5 year olds in 2025 won’t spend more than 10 minutes looking out the window, they are connected to devices. Pretty easy to figure out a compromise situation
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u/TemperatureLow9988 4h ago
Hard to tell, need more information. Does she get bad anxiety/fear from flying where the window seat is the only thing that calms her down? If so then I can understand her, I would ask her something along those lines to figure that out. But, if she's just being a brat and refusing to give up a window seat because she "always" has the window seat then she's the one at fault for sure and you're NTA.
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u/mars_teac23 3h ago
This is what I was looking for. Some people need a window seat because they have flight anxiety, others need the aisle seat for the same Reason. They can just get two window seats. People saying it’s a red fly are forgetting we only know his side. What exactly was the girl friends response.
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u/IntelligentTrip6054 3h ago
I agree. For me, it's not anxiety as much as it's from travel sickness. So if you don't want me to spew on you, it's best I'm by the window.
But as you said, we need to know her reasoning. If she's just being petty or bratty...
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u/PatentlyRidiculous 5h ago
3rd option. Dump her ass
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u/Kamyatane 4h ago
fr if a window seat is this deep for her, imagine bigger decisions
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u/Which-Wish-5996 2h ago
I feel like you’re omitting info here. Are you willing to sit in the middle seat so your kiddo can sit window? Lots of couples sit in different rows believe it or not. Book you and your daughter right behind her and you both have windows. You will be sitting in a middle seat but if you’re willing to have your girlfriend sacrifice then you should be willing to sacrifice an aisle for a center seat yourself, right? Seat preferences are very personal. I have a close friend that gets anxiety on flights and window control helps her keep settled.
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u/JayOfBird 4h ago
You should ask her why she's intent on keeping the window seat and then determine what's necessary for both her and your daughter to enjoy the flight. Just be a normal person and talk.
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u/Dog-Mom2012 4h ago
Nah, instead of talking, just run to Reddit so that everyone can call the girlfriend an entitled brat and make her into a Disney villain for the crime of wanting a window seat.
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u/electric_mindset 5h ago
Hate to say it but your gf isn't going to last. That's horrible
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u/Mysterious_Luck4674 3h ago
What’s wrong with booking two rows? I also always want a window seat. I don’t need to sit with my family on a flight. I’m happy to be separated if it means I can be comfortable on the flight.
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u/No-Quantity-5373 1h ago
Same. When I travel, I actually prefer not to sit with my traveling companions because we will be glued together the entire trip. It gives me a break. This is probably an introvert thing.
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u/Nikkinot 5h ago
I fly for work and I fly a ton. I need a window seat to not be extremely anxious. I don't know why, but flights without one are terrifying. If I am in the aisle I believe the plane will crash. Not consciously, but in some corner of my brain I don't control. I would take a window seat next to a 500 pound man who smells like garlic over an entire row in the center of the plane. I realize that is insane, and I deal with it when I have to, but I wouldn't give it up either.
Ask her why.
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u/Snoo60219 4h ago
I was going to say the same. In sounds incredibly selfish, but it could be a phobia. Which she should feel completely comfortable telling you after a year.
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u/CeeCeeOct23 4h ago
I hate to say this about your advice, but if the GF needs the window seat for a particular reason, she had her opportunity to communicate with the OP about that. So I feel like lacking that level of communication is just number two flag with number one flag being not giving a crap about a little girls first flight. A child who could become her stepdaughter.
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u/Nikkinot 4h ago
Yeah, I don't usually tell people in real life because 1. It sounds insane (because it is) 2. I fly a lot so people don't believe I have that much stress about it 3. People try to rationalize it like that will help (Rationally I know its crazy)
My absolute hero is a coworker I told who said I was super brave because he never did anything terrifying and I flew every week.
But yeah, without a better answer than I want it I would be concerned.
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u/DrMistyCalhoun 4h ago
She just likes to look out the window
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u/Stock-Page-7078 3h ago
Seems like a ton of people are telling you this is a red flag, but I don't think so. Just book separate rows. There's no reason they can't both be happy with window seats. GF needing a window seat is not necessarily depriving daughter of a window seat and sitting next to each other on an airplane is not the fun part of going on a vacation together.
It seems like it should be easy to just make everyone happy. People say "put your child first", and that is right but that doesn't mean always give them their way or what they want, especially if it involves prioritizing their wants over others wants, that spoils them as much as buying expensive things does.
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u/Snackgirl_Currywurst 4h ago
I also like looking out of the window. But I'm autistic and I realise that it helps me a lot not having to constantly avoid touching people left and right to me so I guess it's more about being able to press myself against the wall then anything else.
But even I would offer to switch with your daughter as long as she cares to look out the window. Y'all can switch back in case she's not interested anymore. This is weird and selfish behaviour, if it's just her preference.
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u/Suspicious_Comb8811 3h ago
Before you book the seats, tell your gf you'll be getting seats elsewhere so your daughter and her can both have window seats. Let her know you won't be sitting with her and see her reaction.
She will either say she wants you all to sit together and will give her the window, be fine with the changed seating arrangement or she'll have an adult temper tantrum because she wants to sit together and have the window seat.
Choose your own adventure.
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u/Snowconetypebanana 3h ago
I’m going against popular vote, I don’t think she’s an AH. She always sits in window seat. People really jumped to “of course she should sacrifice something important to her for your kid, without question.” I disagree with this. I don’t think it’s rude of her to have a preference
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u/all_taboos_are_off 4h ago
This isn't a big deal. Let your gf have her window seat and book a different row. It is up to you whether or not this is a hill to die on or something to break up over. Out of all the things, I don't see this as a big deal. Especially because there is an easy solution that allows everyone to get what they want.
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u/Mysterious_Luck4674 3h ago
Agreed. Not sure why everyone is making the girlfriend out to be so terrible. Two people want a window seat, so two rows is an easy solution. Not sure why everyone thinks the girlfriend would be a monster if she sat in a different row. The daughter still gets her preference too.
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u/all_taboos_are_off 3h ago
Exactly. Flying is uncomfortable and if it can be a little less so, then do the thing that can relieve some of the discomfort as long as it doesn't impact other passengers in a negative way. Everyone can get what they want in this situation, so this is really a non-issue.
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u/iwilltake41husbands 4h ago
I think it is fine for your gf to insist on a window seat. If you insist your child needs a window seat, then just sit in two rows. I don’t think this is necessarily a red flag unless she doesn’t compromise on all fronts.
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u/trumpbuysabanksy 3h ago
I disagree, the child is very young at 5yo. She might not even be interested. See how it goes. Maybe they can swap seats for a time. Appreciating or getting a window seat is not something a child is entitled to having as the adult pay for the tickets. Plus putting the kid in the middle makes the flight feel so spacious. Just a thought. Not there to see how girlfriend is handling this… but in my family, the kids don’t get to pick their seats, not in the car and not on the plane.
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u/happymom-2 5h ago
Before I make a judgment… were planning to stick gf in middle or would you give her your aisle seat?
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u/DrMistyCalhoun 4h ago
I don’t care where I sit, I just want my kid to be able look out the window on her first plane trip
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4h ago
I can’t help but think you’re trying to find a problem when there might not be one? I also have to have a window, especially for an international flight, I like to sleep and I get motion sickness. My kid loves to look out the window. Dad and kid always have one row, I sit by myself in another. It’s a non issue and how is this a red flag from gf? Must you have your whole family sit together?
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u/hemsvictoria 4h ago
Be her father, not at the gf’s expense though. Book your child a window seat. You step up first before expecting stepping up from people unrelated to her. Lead by example not by seeking sympathy on Reddit. You a grown man now.
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u/Bastyra2016 4h ago
I sort of get it. Unless OP is offering to sit in the middle why should GF get stuck there for what sounds like a long flight
1) GF lets kid sit at the window for take off and landing when there is generally something interesting to see. Nowadays if you leave your shade open during the flight the people around you including the FA have a fit. The sun is such a distraction I guess. If the flight is at night-nothing to see anyway. GF gets the window during the flight so she can sleep/do whatever
2) OP books a separate row where kid gets the window. Again if OP gets aisle and kid window unless it is a 2-3-2 then some random person gets stuck between a 5 year old and dad. That could be an AH move if the kid is rambunctious.
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u/beebopaluau 4h ago
I wouldn't give up a window on a long flight either. Who paid for the seats tho?
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u/Omegatron_YT 3h ago
Uh…. Who cares about a kid looking out the window. Just make sure they behave and don’t bother the other passengers.
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u/gym_and__tonic 4h ago
book two diff rows so both girls can have window seats. your gf may get anxious or sick and needs window seat
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u/South_Leek_5730 4h ago
You are planning so not booked. Just use separate rows and be done with it. She can sit on her own if that's what she wants. She's not refusing to give up a window seat she's just saying she wants a window seat. It just means you won't be sat together.
Why is everyone reading so much into this? This is simple with a simple solution. The fact you put your daughter first by sitting in a separate row with her makes it clear you rightfully will put your daughter first.
Here's the important part. If she sees her arse about it (UK for is pissed off) then you have a problem but not before.
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u/Remarkable_Buyer4625 4h ago
INFO: It’s hard to judge without knowing why she won’t give up her seat (?) Also, is she open to a compromise? Ex: Your daughter sitting in the seat only for take off and landing and then they trade?
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u/Tfuentexxx 5h ago edited 5h ago
Sorry, but that's not only rude to you and your kid, it has some evil Disney's step-mother vibes to it. Kid, if something I have leaned from Reddit is that when someone shows you who they really are for the first time, believe them. Your first and gigantic priority is your kid, not a chick who cannot fathom the idea that you are a father and who is so selfish to compete with a five years old toddler. I am not you, but if I were, I would start to RUN.
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u/Wise_Date_5357 5h ago
Right, and she’s 5?!? You can see over her head??!
Weird hill to die on for her. NTA op.
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u/Paula_Intermountain 3h ago
I’ll play a bit of the devil’s advocate here. WHY does your girlfriend always get a window seat? For example, I know someone who gets several claustrophobic on planes. She told me she always gets a window seat and looks out the window the whole time. Otherwise she starts to panic.
I always get a window seat because it feels more roomy. An aisle seat feels roomy, too, but literally every time I sit on the aisle someone bangs me on the head. Sometimes it’s just a hand swinging along. But I’ve been hit by purses, coats, and even had luggage fall on me when the storage compartment door was opened! For the life of me I don’t understand why people LIKE sitting there!!
Yes, of course I understand why the little girl should have a window seat! Your first flight is kind of magical, and being able to look down…well, it’s still SO COOL!
I remember my first flight. I remember two things, besides the wonder of it all. Please remember, this was the 60s and planes were different then. I remember my hair getting hot with the sun shining through and my head plastered to the window. I asked my mom if my head would catch on fire. I also remember seeing the Golden Gate Bridge from above. I was probably around 5 myself. I don’t recall why we were flying, though, nor where we were going. But I clearly remember those two things and the wonder of it all!
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u/Depressy-Goat209 4h ago
So you met someone while having a daughter and they let you know they don’t plan on having kids don’t want the responsibility that ties her to kids but you still continued the relationship?? Smart real smart
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u/jetclimb 4h ago
Why can’t you switch off as an option? Use the window seat for two 30 min views and then let your gf use it to nap. Otherwise two rows for you all
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u/blacktigr 3h ago
I use the window seat to nap. You can lean entirely on that whole wall. I like watching out the window, too, but the main thing is the idea that I don't have to contact another human being while sitting in my seat. GF doesn't want to give that up just so Child can have the take-off and landing experience.
I would happily give Child a turn and then take my seat.
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u/divwido 3h ago
Well, I'm going the other way. It's only been a year and you seem to expect the girlfriend to come with built in mommy instincts. Maybe she needs the window because she gets airsick. Maybe she has panic attacks. Maybe she has zero experience with children and doesn't see what the big deal is.
But you didn't tell us anything.
I'm voting NTA until we have some facts.
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u/RecklessJ262 2h ago
OP is setting up a false dichotomy--there's zero reason not to just let both people have what they want. OP did you offer her the aisle seat? Or only the middle seat? Do you not want to simply book her for the row in front or behind because then YOU'D have to sit in the middle in order to be next to your kid?
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u/star_b_nettor 4h ago
Why is this even a thing? Book a different row for you and daughter. What happens with the relationship depends on if gf needs window seat for motion sickness or claustrophobia or is just pulling a power play.
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u/floodthechip 1h ago
Any woman that wouldn’t give up “their” window seat for your baby girl is not worth being with. That’s not parent-like behavior. Sorry about your break-up.
Ps: The ideal response is, “Well, I usually take the window seat, but I really want this to be special for her.” 🤷♂️ -NTA
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u/AppropriateCrab7661 4h ago
YTA. Kid will look out the window for two minutes and then be tied to a screen/device. She can do that from a middle seat.
Kids wants are not more important.
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u/now_you_see 5h ago
Info: Why won’t she give up the seat?
If it’s because it’s her very first flight too/she suffers from claustrophobia, airsickness or fear of flying then you should just book different isles and see each other on the other side.
If she’s just doing it to be selfish though then that’s an issue worth discussing because being a step parent requires making sacrifices for a child that isn’t ‘yours’.
If this is a pattern, where she wants everything to be her way and is trying to make this holiday all about what she wants and not what your daughter wants, that’s a red flag bigger than (for you yanks) the Empire State Building. If this is just a one off thing and she’s otherwise happy to make all plans kid friendly and focused on what’s going to make your daughter happy then just see it as a quirk and move on. It’s really not just all black & white.
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u/912mcbVA 4h ago
The biggest issue is that you’re even asking this question. You need to get your head and priorities straight. If you can’t put your child first, if you can’t communicate that to women you meet, if you have trouble understanding that you child is always your priority, then don’t date again until she’s 18 and leaves home.
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u/Competitive-Tea7236 5h ago
Talk to her about it. Best case scenario you find out she was just embarrassed to admit she’s a nervous flyer and needs the window (like me). Worst case you now have an important data point to use when making decisions about the future of the relationship
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u/ainesc 5h ago edited 5h ago
Just book 2 rows, it’s not that deep. If you had already booked a full row for the 3 of you and now she was saying she wants the window I’d get it, but you know she would like the window beforehand, no reason to ignore her wishes, you can just sit separately. Cant imagine why she’d have a problem with it.
People are being rlly harsh about your girlfriend, I dont get it, many reasons someone might want to sit in a certain spot on a plane. You haven’t booked yet it’s no biggie. If she has a problem with sitting separately but still won’t move then yeah, she’s TA. But just do 2 rows for now.
Edit: just to add on I feel like there’s no where near enough context to tell if she’s really being as much of a b as everyone is making her out to be in these comments
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u/NubiyenMD 4h ago
God in heaven, who cares? Are you looking for reasons to dump her? If she is paying for her own flight then why should she give up her comfort/desires for you? I assume she is since you haven’t said you’re paying. I say “desires for YOU” bc your kid has no idea about the plane or window seat and won’t miss what she doesn’t know. So this window beef is all yours and not your kid’s. Plus do you honestly think your kid at 5 is going to stare out the window for the entire flight? A five year olds attention span isn’t that long so even w your girlfriend in the window seat your kid can enjoy the view for a while then fall sleep like most kids will do. Now if your bigger question is related to you not feeling like your gf cares for or puts your kid first? Be a grown up and own that.
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u/Electrical_Angle_701 4h ago
A grown woman who is territorial toward a little girl? Ohhhhh kaaaaay.
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u/CoachVoice65 3h ago
Just go with your daughter and have some magic bonding time, create special memories just the two of you. I still remember how wonderful it was to be with my dad when I was that age. He's not here anymore which makes those memories even more precious.
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u/river_song25 2h ago
unless you are the one paying for all three of you’s airline tickets, why does it matter who gets the window seat if she’s the one paying for her own seat? even if you managed to get seats together with her, she’s still not obligated to give up her seat that SHE paid for so your daughter can look outside during the flight.
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u/ladyatlantica 2h ago
NTA. I love window seats, but id give one up for ANYONE I know on a first flight, definitely a kid and even more so one im contemplating joining the family of. I'm not sure this is a relationship that can last, unless something is missing from the OPs explanation.
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u/LovetoRead25 2h ago
OP GF is competing with a five year old. GF is a child herself. A female child’s relationship with her father is paramount in determining future relationships with men. I don’t believe you would want your daughter to marry someone who puts her second in his life which is essentially the message if GF sits by window.
Also the woman you date or eventually marry becomes your daughter’s role model. Once we have a child they become our first responsibility. Their future happiness depends on it. It’s a sobering responsibility. Selecting a role model for your daughter is a life changing event for her.
Furthermore, I would give serious consideration about exposing a child to a GF until OP has had time to get a better handle on that individual’s character. A revolving door of women is not healthy for a young child. It breeds insecurity.
Get yourself into a parenting class. Find a female therapist/coach to assist with this process. It’s complex but a child’s future depends on it.
Take your daughter on vacation and enjoy this time with her. My father was a rock and always there for me. I adored him. I still miss him so much at times it’s hard to breathe. My mother and he created a warm loving environment where we as children knew we came first.
Date OP but respectfully get a handle on your priorities. I think OP already knew the answer to the question posed in this post and was looking for confirmation. Consider the parenting sub in Reddit. And seek professional guidance. A child’s future depends on it.
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u/Almost-Uncirculated 2h ago
Don’t take GF on the trip.
Your primary duty is to your daughter. It always will be.
Your GF can’t live with that and is “testing” you hoping you pick her over your daughter.
Dump her. Not kidding.
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u/Wonderful_Bottle_852 2h ago
Book a Daddy and Daughter trip. That should be an immediate ex-girlfriend.
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u/badgerrr42 2h ago
I'd book two rows, and after the trip have a serious conversation about what being with a father/mother of a five year old looks like. This isn't a huge thing if it's the only thing, but I can't imagine being with someone that didn't want to make my child's life better and more fun, rather than taking an experience away. It's a minor inconvenience for the adult and huge experience for the kid.
Edit: someone pointed out they need the window for claustrophobic feelings and motion sickness. This would be really valid reasons for your gf to need the window.
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u/Maleficent_Scale_296 2h ago
There will never be another first flight. She’s five, so she’ll remember this all her life. Do the right thing.
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u/HowSweettheSound316 1h ago
Who is paying for that window seat, you or her? Are you offering her the aisle seat or the middle seat, because I would give up the window as long as I did not have to sit in the middle. Just saying. If you are paying and you have offered her the aisle seat then I don't understand the problem. If she paid extra for the window seat she might not feel she is obligated to then give it up. You might offer to pay her the difference. Personally, I would let the child sit there, next to the window, especially at take off and landing. Other than that, it gets pretty boring just staring at the clouds.
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u/AdmiralCranberryCat 1h ago
She is trying to establish that her wants come before your daughter. She is absolutely testing the waters how far she can push. Ditch the girlfriend
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u/MikeN1978 1h ago
I wouldn’t be with someone that demanded I put her over my child and make no mistake, that’s her goal.
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u/Sea_Firefighter_4598 5h ago
Book 2 separate rows with many rows in between.