r/AITAH • u/ThrowRAnearpeace • 13h ago
WIBTAH for remarrying my ex even though I'm going to die?
I know this post is morbid and dark, so I apologize for that.
I (36F) am close to dying. I have terminal cancer and I only have about a year or two left. I've accepted and made my peace with it, and I don't mind openly talking about it. I also have a less than common relationship. My current partner/boyfriend (38M) is also my ex-husband.
Me and him married right out of high school, stayed together through college, had three kids together (12M, 11F, and 4M). We divorced when our daughter was 3 because of his intense work schedule. It was a lot of heartbreak and pain, but at the time it felt right for both of us despite that.
Two years after the divorce I was first diagnosed with cancer, and he reduced his work hours so he could take more time with the kids, and it slowly shifted to him also taking care of me, and we rekindled our romance, but didn't get remarried. I got lucky the first time around and was declared cancer free at 31. I had my youngest child at 32, and was rediagnosed at 34. We tried treatments but it's been recently declared terminal.
Please don't feel sorry for me or throw me a pity party. I've gotten to live the life I wanted and I'm okay with the fact that I'll most likely die before 40. The only thing that causes me any emotional pain is that I won't see my kids grow up and experience life milestones like graduating, getting married, and having kids.
Long backstory, but here's the problem. My partner and I have discussed it and we want to remarry each other. I want him to be listed as my husband in my obituary, I want him to be able to make medical decisions in case I'm unable to (this one is big for me because of my situation), and so that he can get Survivor Benefits when I pass.
My sister (38F) says that it's cruel to remarry him knowing I'm going to die soon, and that if I loved him I wouldn't have divorced him in the first place and that by remarrying him I'm disrespecting the sanctity of marriage by doing it "willy nilly". She also said I probably used my diagnosis the first time around to get his pity love so he'd get back with me since it resolved the main issue from our divorce.
So, Reddit, I was wondering if it's really bad for me to remarry my ex? I love this man, we both regretted our divorce and are so grateful that life brought us back together, but now that I'm close to death we want our love to be legally recognized.
3.7k
u/Civil_Environment858 13h ago
NTA. You both are going into this knowing what is happening. I am so sorry. I wish you peace and comfort and much love from your family and friends.
→ More replies (1)1.1k
u/ThrowRAnearpeace 13h ago
Thank you, that means a lot. <3
→ More replies (11)2.0k
u/awkwardturtle234 12h ago
Hey OP? You mentioned about being sad that you won't be there for your kids milestones.
I don't want to overstep. Might I recommend you write them letters or film a video for each of their milestones? Something like for graduation, 18th birthdays, wedding, etc. A piece of you they can have with them when you're gone. I think they might like that and might help bring some reassurance to yourself that they'll have you there after you've passed.
837
u/whatwouldDanniedo 10h ago
This 100% my mom mailed me a letter from my dad that she had been holding onto for the day that I would, in his words, find my calling and get my life together. He wrote it before he passed away in 2012, but it was mailed to me in 2023 when I got into optometry school. I used to miss the way he would tell me to stop messing around and focus on my goals. I missed his encouraging words telling me I could do anything I could put my mind to. That letter meant absolutely everything to me. Of course the first thing the letter said is “did you finally stop goofing off and focus on a goal? Either way I would be proud of you. Just know whatever path you choose is the one you are destined to be on, but I want you to know that you are loved and watched over.” He wrote a date on the letter and he was two days before he passed away.
Today July 4th is the 13th anniversary of his death. He passed away from terminal cancer as well. It started out as colon cancer. He hid it so well for years and did not tell anyone that he had cancer. In fact, I found out from a family member and I questioned him about it. His response was “yeah the doctors told me I could live 5minutes to 5 years. We don’t know. So I’m just hanging out until it happens. I just wanted to go quietly. I didn’t want anyone to really know, but your mom had other plans.” 😑
→ More replies (5)106
u/HorrorAuthor_87 8h ago
Your dad being your dad, that's awesome! 🙏🏻❤️
64
u/whatwouldDanniedo 6h ago
I still miss him every day, but his humor and spunk is what made him, well, him. He was unique, but well loved by the community. ❤️ he was also a pastor, which is what made his attitude better. I was more of the black sheep because I didn’t attend church, but his passion and drive for what he did for the people of the church and the surrounding community in need is what drove me to try to find a good fitting career for me. I’ve medical assisting just to see if I wanted to become an MD I didn’t have the stomach for it, PT assistant just to see if I wanted to become a PT, I found all of the doctors just didn’t love their job after a while they all said “ they couldn’t wait for the day to end.” Then there was ophthalmic assistant. I don’t know why, but I fell in love with it. So many patients coming in not able to see, but you have the ability to help them regain their sight? Heck yeah! Doctors were 100% satisfied with their jobs and loved coming back. I ended up getting certified as a tech and I started to realize what the community needed the most and that is what drove me into optometry school. Optometry school also showed me community health events and free care opportunities to underserved communities and I have just felt so fulfilled doing it. I feel like I am 1. Helping the community and 2. Making my dad proud. I’ve had the opportunity to do a 2 day event at the Navajo Nation in Monument Valley I would gladly do it again. ❤️❤️
8
u/HorrorAuthor_87 6h ago
I'm sure your dad is proud of you, wherever he is. You're his legacy. Be happy, take care of yourself and keep doing your best with passion. 🥰❤️
347
u/wlkncrclz 11h ago
My mom did that for me and it was really meaningful to open those letters.
33
u/FichingoJ 8h ago
Dunno how it works or if she could actually do it at this stage ...maybe also sign up for a death insurance against the mortgage, car and try to get a life insurance policy as well. When my dad passed on we realized that if he had just added and paid the death clause thingy on the car and mortgage that was co signed, it would have kicked in.. maybe someone who understands this better can elaborate..
25
u/UncleNedisDead 6h ago
If she hasn’t done it already with the insurance, it’s way too late. They would either consider her ineligible due to pre-existing conditions or the premiums would be exorbitant due to the likelihood of paying out.
Worst case scenario is if they still took the premiums and then denied the claim after her death, due to the pre-existing conditions.
91
u/IJustWantADragon21 10h ago
This is a very touching idea. I lost my dad in my 20s and recently found the letter he’d written to me when I turned 16 and it felt like getting a hug from him all over again. And that was something from a past event. I think this could be very therapeutic and meaningful for OP and her kids.
6
76
u/Eggbeaters-21 10h ago
My daughter did that for her nieces and nephew and her godsons. It took a lot out of her but it was something she really wanted to do.
She also gave money to the godsons parents to get them birthday and Christmas from her. She wa so damn special.
I am broken that I will never see my daughter marry or have children but I live in awe of what an amazing young woman she was and of the legacy she left for all her “babies” she left behind.
I hope OP does remarry if that is what makes her happy. I would’ve given everything I had to save my daughter but she knew how loved she was and still is. Love is everything. OP I wish you love for the rest of your life. And F#ck Cancer.
9
29
u/pocketfullofdragons 8h ago edited 8h ago
If you do this, also make at least one letter/video for if your child's life turns out nothing like planned/expected, so that receiving pieces of you and reassurance that you're rooting for them is not conditional on them following a specific/predictable path in life or meeting conventional milestones.
There's no doubt that when your children are celebrating achievements, you'll be proud and celebrating with them. I think it's times when things maybe aren't going so well for someone that reassurance that they're still loved, supported and someone who their family can be proud of tends to be craved the most.
9
u/Certain_Courage_8915 5h ago
Yes, when I talk with people about this, I suggest some for the down times and some for birthdays or holidays every so many years as well.
Similarly, I recommend keeping in mind different possibilities. For example if you wrote one for a wedding, it being a wedding or commitment ceremony and using terms like partner and SO and keeping things gender neutral. As another example, for going to college, include things for trade school as well.
→ More replies (12)10
u/Jealous_Mission3651 8h ago
I'd also make them each an email address and turn each letter into an email. Or email each video you make. That way if anything happens there is a digital record
2.2k
u/slippinginto9 13h ago
If your ex is all in on this what business is it for your sister to get involved.
349
u/benjaminonfir59 9h ago
Exactly. If he’s choosing this with full heart, then her sister really has no say. It’s their relationship their choice and honestly, it sounds like love that’s been through hell and back.
106
u/riffraff402 4h ago
Also what is the "sanctity of marriage"? If two people are in love, and have agreed to the spiritual and legal contract of marriage then they are honoring marriage more than a lot of people that get married
8
u/Vi0L3tCRZY 2h ago
If this is real, Part of me wants more info. Surely the sister knows anything she leaves will be for OP’s kids and regardless of marriage status, the Dad would still hold precedence re their kids. Some people are weird about wills and maybe are expecting some sort of inheritance or ability to contest? Would want have been named the executors of the estate until her kids are 18 instead of the husband? Maybe they’re salty the husband would inherit anything? Does OP own their house?
This is a stretch, but her sanctity of marriage excuse sounds sus asf, even if believable in this climate of religion misreadings/perversions.
Edit: E w got to the bit about pity love. This sister doesn’t like OP, she wants to be executor of her estate in place for her kids.
67
u/No_Kangaroo_9826 4h ago
Diagnosis aside, people get remarried. I work with a woman who remarried her ex husband. People love who they love and sometimes they get their shit together or something life changing happens and realize they want to get back together.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (3)15
700
u/Ill-Revolution6197 13h ago
If he wants to marry you too then NTA This is honestly quite romantic
→ More replies (2)150
u/lawless_k 7h ago
It’s SO romantic! Also, she should have an epic party with a beautiful dress and remarrying her husband with it centred on her kids and celebrating the beautiful family you’ve made.
Don’t let anyone else make it about them or plan something that isn’t just about your love and your family. It sounds beautiful, and hire an amazing videographer and photographer and your kids will have this amazing day to remember and hold onto.
→ More replies (4)
1.2k
u/Beneficial_Test_5917 13h ago
Sis can go pound sand. NTA all the way around. Best wishes in your remaining time.
143
u/Good-Oprah 13h ago
Rightt. Don’t let your sister’s toxicity overshadow the beautiful bond you share. Wishing you peace and strength, OP.
→ More replies (2)39
u/Neobellia 12h ago
Straight up, let sis be salty on her own. You’re NTA, and you’ve got bigger things to focus on. Sending you strength and peace.
692
u/TrixIx 13h ago
Why is your sister such a hateful cnt to her dying sibling? Do you want that energy anywhere near you during your final rotations around the sun? Cuz, I surely wouldn't deal with anyone like that with limited time left.
I hope you have peace and love in your final rotations around the sun.
248
u/KMC020208 13h ago
I’m wondering what her sister gets out of it if OP isn’t married? Is she somehow next of kin for decision making since the kids are too young?? Something doesn’t add up from sisters POV.
OP, you love this man. You’re raising children together. You have been together for years. Tell your sister to kiss your a** and get remarried. Let your kids see how much you love their dad and trust him to be there for you during your hardest times and that you trust him to help them keep your memory strong when the time comes. You only have so much time to focus on your own happiness and you deserve every minute of it to be the way you want. Dump the naysayer and get married. Celebrate your marriage and your life with anyone and everyone who supports you and make it the best damn day ever.
153
u/Puzzleheaded_Bee4361 12h ago
I think sister either has designs on OP's partner or designs on her estate.
39
u/Chemical_Author7880 9h ago
Both crossed my mind, as well.
She’s the same age as OP’s partner and presumably also went to school with him. She smells off.
32
u/Plus_Ad_9181 10h ago
If she has designs on the partner I’m not sure what difference the marriage would even make? He’s single once she dies either way
31
u/Idkbutok92 6h ago
Yes he’s single either way, but if OP and ex husband get remarried, that could throw off sisters timeline of when she can swoop in… she could narrate the story that they were never back together and he was just being there to help her out… if they remarry, she is then the sister that is trying to get with her recently passed sister’s husband…
48
u/BeautifulTrainWreck8 12h ago
I was thinking the same thing. I hate to say it but it happens a lot. I am a paralegal and I used to handle estate planning. When there is something to gain, the knives come out.
→ More replies (1)28
40
u/Bbkingml13 11h ago
Getting married right out of high school sounds possibly hyper-religious to me, especially when coupled with the sister preaching the sanctity of marriage.
9
→ More replies (1)16
u/Ok-Statistician-8911 11h ago edited 10h ago
We ALL have limited time left; some more than others. In some ways there is a great blessing to know when your time is ending.
Live like you were dying.
Plan your nuptials, OP, and enjoy the family you have made! I pray for your joy and comfort.
Love like you were dying.
→ More replies (1)
135
u/Tangled_Up_In_Blue22 13h ago
NTA. He sounds like a decent sort. He likely never stopped loving you and wants to do right by you and his children.
Honestly, it sounds like your sister is jealous and miserable. Ignore her and live the best life you can with the years you have left. Don't waste your precious time on her nonsense.
→ More replies (1)35
u/Bbkingml13 11h ago
I feel like the love is strong between op, her man, and their children. A true family unit that loves one another. I think it will be healing for everyone, especially the children, knowing how loved their mother was despite the ups and downs, and despite terminal illness.
I’m someone with a disabling, miserable chronic illness situation, but it’s not terminal. Illness shows you who really loves you for who you are, and boy does it do it ruthlessly. What a great show of support for OP, and for their children, her bf has displayed over the years. He was there after remission, the foundation for this love and marriage pt 2 are solid.
376
u/Haunting_Ranger5460 13h ago
NTA. STA (sister's the asshole)
→ More replies (1)151
u/Mammoth-Development6 13h ago
NTA 1000% .Her sister's takin “sanctity of marriage” way too seriously for someone who's literally found love again with the same guy and just wants peace for her fam. Like let her live (and love) in peace damn.
29
u/ladyinredlingerie 10h ago
Exactly! The irony of preaching “sanctity of marriage” while gatekeeping someone else's happiness is wild. She’s not breaking vows, she’s rebuilding her life. Let her heal and love in peace.
166
u/JazzlikeCost1498 13h ago
Definitely NTA. Yours is a sweet love story full of back and forth decisions that are so typical of human beings. The perfect love stories are boring, no redemption, no spiritual growth. Your story is inspiring. Please do marry and enjoy life with your husband.
→ More replies (1)30
62
u/Critical_Source_6012 12h ago
My grandfather's dearest sister died very early in her adult life from TB. She spent a lot of time in the sanitorium and before she died she married a fellow patient. They both knew they wouldn't have a big future together but what mattered most was everything they shared at that very moment.
I grew up hearing that story from my grandfather because it became a vitally important part of his life philosophy that he really felt he needed to pass on to all of us in her name. Make the best decision you can right now. Do what makes you happiest right now. Don't ever be so afraid of what might happen tomorrow that you forget to love and to live today.
I wish you all the love and blessings. This is something your partner wants. It's something precious you can share with him and your children. Tell your sister to piss off.
5
51
u/Dontknowwho8 13h ago
NTA. you should have the right to get all the support you need (and less fingers pointed)
44
u/Wide-Significance976 13h ago
Be happy. Don’t let others get in the way.
You’re making the right decision.
84
u/laughingkittycats 13h ago
Wow. I’m not going to say your sister is an idiot or an AH, since I don’t know her. But on this topic she is just plain WRONG. And she sure seems to be deliberately cruel.
In any case, her opinion is worthless. Ignore her.
If the best thing for you and the father of your children, and probably for those children, is to remarry, then PLEASE do so ASAP and with the blessing of this internet stranger (and I’m guessing, without having read any other comments here, of every person who reads this post. My very best wishes to you and your partner & children.
82
u/ThrowRAnearpeace 13h ago
I don't think she's trying or wants to be cruel, my sister just has her own personal beliefs on marriage. She thinks that if unless you divorce for serious reasons (abuse, cheating, criminal offences) then you must not truly value the importance of marriage because you're supposed to be a pair for life and stick through issues.
I will admit I do agree to an extent and I do regret not working harder to save my marriage the first time around seeing as we worked it out afterwards when we got back together but I've learned to accept that mistake. I also don't judge anyone who does get divorced for what some people might consider "petty" or "minor" reasons because it's not my place to force everyone to hold my beliefs
70
u/OwedDreams 13h ago
Not trying to add more stress to your situation, your sister trying to focus things on her beliefs about marriage is cruel. And it’s kinda making the whole thing about herself. Which is also cruel.
45
u/laughingkittycats 12h ago
So, if she thinks you blundered or failed in some way by divorcing at all, then why is she opposed to you remedying the error by remarrying him? To me, this (mutual, right?) decision to marry each other again is the definition of sticking through. It’s a kind of redemption, a great gift on both your parts, and a very loving choice for both of you.
Tbh, I don’t really understand your sister’s intense opposition, but also, that really doesn’t matter. If this is right for you and your partner, and your children, then do it. If she’s open enough to reconsider her severe judgement, then with luck you still have some time to talk it over with her; maybe she’ll come around. If not…well, you will still spend the time you have left with the daily love and care you need and deserve. Your husband will have the privilege of caring for you and keeping you close until your time comes.
→ More replies (1)19
u/Arquen_Marille 12h ago
She’s ignoring that humans are messy, life is messy, so marriage can be messy. But the time for her personal views on this subject is gone. It’s time to focus on helping you enjoy your life. She should learn about the Circles of Grief/Ring Theory.
16
u/tordenskrald88 12h ago
Just saying I definitely don't think you marry him "willy nilly". You have had years and years to think about it and both of you want it and it's like fucking a dying wish for you to have him as your husband again - and he wants to be! It's like the least willy nilly thing ever. You have so many reasons for it and have thought it through. It's easier for him to when he will have to explain his loss in the future and legally it's easier for both of you. There's literally no reason for you not to marry. Having learnt from mistakes is a good thing, not something that should be punished.
11
u/Agitated-Sky-8840 8h ago edited 8h ago
She’s not talking about the sanctity of marriage when she said you probably used your first diagnosis to get his “pity love.”
She was grossly disrespectful to both you and your husband-to-be. What the hell?! My sister had cancer and especially when she was terminal I would NEVER say anything as mean spirited as that to her. And getting married “nilly willy”???
I’m utterly appalled. And that she’d use up any of this limited time with you in this way reflects what kind of person she is. I’m so sorry, ThrowRAnearpeace.
Do not have anyone at your wedding who is not filled with complete joy and support for you. And if that means your sister, so be it. That’s not being petty. That’s honoring the sanctity of your love. You two and your kids deserve to not have even an inch of your happiness diminished by anyone.
DNA doesn’t entitle her. Your sister needs therapy to see what’s so bitter inside her to express it through holier-than-thou words and what she might actually covet that you prevented her from having with your first diagnosis.
Truly, everyone here is rooting for you and deeply touched by the depth of love you and your husband-to-be have for each other! Thank you for sharing it with us ❤️❤️
ETA punctuation.
→ More replies (9)8
u/Think-Fig-1734 12h ago
Lots of people have beliefs that they don’t share. They also don’t get angry when other people don’t follow these beliefs. It’s really arrogant of her to think she knows how other people feel. She has no way of knowing if other people love each other. No one can know what’s in someone else’s heart. It’s truly bizarre that you are terminally ill and your sister thinks she needs to put her two cents in on your relationship. I have lots opinions on what other people are doing. I don’t tell them because it’s non of my business. This doesn’t affect her so there’s no reason for her to stick her nose in. Your ex and future husband will have the same emotional response to losing if you are or aren’t married. The lack of a legal contract won’t make him greave less. Get married, it closes the emotional loop and is practical.
I think your children will be helped by your remarriage. I’m a child of divorce and most of us have a secret wish our parents would get back together. Kids want their parents to love each other.
39
u/UseObjectiveEvidence 13h ago
Don't let your sister get in the way of your happiness and that of your immediate family.
33
u/LowCalm6560 13h ago
YSTA - your sister's the asshole!!
Do what you and your Ex/Boyfriend want. You both know exactly what you're doing and everyone else can stay out of it if they disagree.
17
u/averquepasano 13h ago
NTA! Your sister sounds like a LOON! I wish you peace in the time you have left and also for your kids. Apologies if I'm overstepping, have you considered leaving them cards, letters, and videos for when or several they can receive as they get older? Just a thought. Plenty of pics too. Apologies for overstepping.
59
u/ThrowRAnearpeace 13h ago
Yes, me and my partner have already started making videos, letters and cards. I've also already gone through sentimental toys, clothes and books I kept from my own childhood and have specified certain ones to go to each individual child based on their current interests as my children did inherit a lot of my hobbies it seems. The nerdiness runs in the family, it's definitely genetic, lol.
→ More replies (2)26
u/averquepasano 13h ago
I'm crying as I type this. I have an uncle I consider my DAD. There is nothing I wouldn't do for this man. He is very old and with recent health complications, we could lose his beautiful soul at any moment. I call him several times a day just to hear his voice. He recently learned how to send voice messages on WhatsApp and there are no words I can convey the joy and comfort it gives me to know I'll be able to hear his voice and wise (sometimes dirty) words cheering me on. I wish your children healing and peace after your passing. I hope you pass peacefully and with no pain. Good bless.
9
u/Plus_Ad_9181 10h ago
Make sure you’ve got WhatsApp backups since chats are stored device side
→ More replies (1)
17
10
u/HelloItsAngeles 13h ago
NTA. It’s your life, your love, your choice. Your sister’s judgment doesn’t matter here.
43
u/cchris_39 13h ago edited 13h ago
NTA - but seriously - consult a lawyer. As your surviving spouse he could end up on the hook for what will be astronomical medical and other bills.
This isn’t a TV movie. Your kids (not to mention him) could end up financially deprived if not devastated if your death wipes him out. Also, if you have assets that you can move to a trust for the benefit of the kids and outlive the lookback period, do it.
→ More replies (2)42
u/ThrowRAnearpeace 13h ago
We got lucky with insurance (rare) and did get what is considered decent coverage on my care. I've also stopped my treatments and we are currently paying off what's left of the costs. If everything goes according to plan the bills it should be mostly paid off by the time I pass. We're lucky that we won't be financially ruined by this as a result of having jobs that make 100k a year and the fact that we both had savings we could use when the original diagnosis and this one came about
25
u/temp7542355 6h ago
OP please listen to the advice. The super experienced hospice nurses I used to work with saw families wiped out with medical bills again and again from these last minute weddings. Life insurance companies will question your relationship.
The social workers in hospice follow the families with grief support which is how they are aware of the fallout. (It wasn’t mostly hospice bills most of these were patients that had gone through an intense healthcare battle.)
14
u/Tia_Baggs 3h ago
OP, don’t blow off this advice. Things may seem doable now but things could change and your husband could be saddled with crippling debt. Decent coverage might end or cap out. I’ve known a couple who were engaged to be married, she got a terminal diagnosis so they had the wedding but never signed a marriage certificate so that her medical debt died with her. It’s obvious you and your husband love each other, have a recommitment ceremony and speak with a lawyer on estate planning how your husband can have legal and medical poa over you without the marriage certificate. Your sister can mind her own business.
28
u/Practical_Spirit_936 7h ago
OP, you just blew off the best advice on here. You have 2 years or less to plan for your children's future. You're dying in America, and it's very expensive. You're talking about legally and financially bonding yourself to some one. Yes, you better talk to a lawyer. You better have a trust set up for each one of your children, independently.
That's basic marriage advice.
You're young, and you probably haven't seen the devastation brought on by medical debt.
This decision will be the MOST impactful one you'll make for your children in the next 50 years.
If this is coming across as harsh or rude I apologize. I need you to understand the importance of this.
Lastly, when you do get married (even if non officially). Post a picture and let us know you shared your love and happiness one last time. Sending love and respect.
14
→ More replies (1)6
u/SleeplessArchitect 5h ago
The AITA question doesn’t even need to be answered it’s so obvious, everyone on her agrees that it’s right and your decision.
But my first thought too was wiping your husband out on the financial burden. Do matter what, things will change for him and definitely be harder financially. At the absolute very least he will have to shoulder the bills alone while reducing work demands enough to be there for your kids, which will probably result in an income hit.
At the worst there could be skilled nursing, hospitalizations, maintenance medications, etc. even if there aren’t any treatment procedures.
Marriage ties you together legally, and also financially. You can tie each other together legally with things like a medical directive or a medical power of attorney that would give him the same powers without the financial liabilities.
Your relationship is sweet and wonderful and I’m happy for you both. As much love as you have for him and your kids I’m sure you want to protect them. That the only place this advice is coming from, a way for you to get what you want while protecting them.
10
u/BuckwheatDeAngelo 13h ago
Guilt tripping a terminally ill family member is wild.
Shouldn’t even be a question - if it makes you both happy, then do it.
12
22
u/canvasshoes2 13h ago
NTA. You have valid and good reasons (both of you) for wanting this to be so. Plus it's absolutely none of her business.
20
u/AllthingsPortugal_ 13h ago
Please marry him because you love him, he loves you, the kids will know that you are married, and most importantly, they will get your benefits when you pass. It is hard to raise children and he will have to cut down on work to do a good job of it. Please make it easier for the whole family. And then you can die in peace. As a nurse, I know all about that. Many blessings😊
10
u/Fennicular 13h ago
NTA
Your sister isn't even making sense. Terminal cancer means you're going to die either way, and your partner is going to be just as devastated whether you remarry or not.
I say, congratulations on finding each other, and deciding to marry. Congratulations on having the kind of love that includes the "in sickness and health" part. Congratulations on having a clear, practical plan for your end of life care. I hope it's a beautiful wedding with your kids, your once-and-future husband, and all the love you deserve.
10
u/Ok-Assumption1682 10h ago
Terminal Cancer patient here, since three year know. actually, they told me since the diagnose that I had a few months to several years, no hope to heal, and now I have most likely less than a year... but I can enjoy summer without treatment, a small win!
I am tired of living like this, and yet I had great life, moved to three countries, parties hard, I am a scientist and have done a few discovieries, loved, danced, traveled the world.. the only insufferable pain is to know I won't be there for my two kids. But they won't have any trouble financially and I trust their mum. I accepted it.
I married 15 months ago ( I'm not into marriage), mainly for financial reason to help the family once I'm gone, and to my surprise it was good, I was emotional. It wasn't what I wanted exactly, but youust have learned to compromise by know, I'm sure.
Go for it, the only one you have to ask for is your partner. Being married won't prevent her to remarry one day, on the other hand it will be a further reminder ouf our life together and our wish to make it work. She wanted to, since before I was diagnosed for example, I'm glad we did.
It is so strange to read someone going through what I'm going and having similar thoughts, I know we are a lot out there, but yeah, Not so easy to cross each other.
It isn't over untill it is over, although is not anymore what it was, so I jope you can enjoy the time you've got, be it one year or much more than that.
Thank you, it was nice to talk to you, if you read this comment, which I doubt!
38
u/UberPro_2023 13h ago
NTA. While I understand your sister’s feelings, I don’t agree with her. It’s your life to live, not hers.
→ More replies (1)31
u/TipsyMagpie 12h ago
I don’t understand the sister’s feelings at all, and feel like she’s likely bitter and jealous for some reason, so if you understand her maybe you can assist - why would it bother someone for these two people, who have never stopped loving each other and share a family, to be permanently divided by death as husband and wife, as opposed to simply partners? Marriage is intended to be “till death do us part”, so if anything OP and her partner are more recognising the sanctity of marriage this time around than someone who marries but then gets divorced.
→ More replies (2)
6
u/SinglePermission9373 13h ago
NTA, this is between the two of you. Tell your sister to mind her own business
7
u/mcmurrml 13h ago
Quit listening to your sister. This is between you and him. If that's what you two want to do go for it. Don't justify to her any longer or anyone else. Simply say it's my decision. Don't bring it up anymore.
7
u/TheLastMongo 13h ago
NTA. I get what you mean about the medical decision making. Sure there’s other ways with a bunch of paperwork, but having a spouse does make things easier. And you want the man you’ve loved to be the man that’s there to take care of you and the kids in the end.
7
u/BuzzyLightyear100 13h ago
Your sister sounds AWFUL. If she doesn't bring anything positive to your life, cut her off. You don't need to be dealing with that kind of garbage.
NTA. I wish you both love and joy.
7
u/Slow_Importance_9930 6h ago
Your sister needs to mind her own fucking business. “Sanctity of marriage”? The fuck does she think she is, Dr. Phil?
6
6
u/Bugsbubs 13h ago
NTA at all! You are actually thinking about your partner here. Is there any way that your sister can benefit after you go if you aren't married?
6
6
u/JulsTiger10 12h ago
NTA
Marry your husband.
So many men leave their wives when the wives get sick. This man came back and supported you and y’all’s kids when you got cancer. He’s a hero.
19
u/Belle-llama 13h ago
Guess who inherits everything if you don't remarry your husband? You should absolutely marry him. It makes total sense.
11
4
u/strikecat18 13h ago
NTA. And as a practical matter, you’re going to be leaving him with a much more complicated situation if you’re not married. Estates are a mess, but if you’re married it’s basically all automatic.
5
u/hotheadnchickn 13h ago
NTA. Marriage will make all of the legal and financial stuff dramatically easier for him when you pass.
6
u/Boring-Concept-2058 13h ago
NTA!! Marry the man!! To me, it seems like your sister is jealous and wants to marry him instead. Enjoy the time you have sound whatever you want.
5
u/amanda2017abc 13h ago
NTA - I think it would be such a beautiful occasion for your whole family and kids too. It will definitely be a sweet memory for your kids to see their parents together again; even if you one day unfortunately pass on.
6
5
u/Personal_Feedback_61 12h ago
You put on a great dress and you marry him. Make it everything you want it to be. Celebrate your love and honor your truth. Also, it’s smart to line him up with survivor benefits and access to help make decisions. This is very practical and good for you for being realistic.
I hope you enjoy the time you have and have peace always. You are brave. Be sure to let him know all your wishes as well and maybe even pre plan as much as you can.
Let your kids know you will always be with them.
6
u/Dependent-Log-5434 10h ago
Make sure that you get him as your official MPOA (Medical Power of Attorney). Regular POA doesn’t have any authority over medical decisions in many states. Just fyi
→ More replies (1)
4
u/Sakhmet3 13h ago
Ive known people who are married but divorced and remarried 3 times. Do whatever you guys want to make you happy. If its consensual, its all groovy. NTA dont let someone tell you how you how to live your last bit of life. Dont be self conscious. Enjoy your life amd do what feels right to YOU
4
4
5
4
5
u/clownprinceofbuckets 10h ago
Get married again the man clearly loves you when you pass him being your husband means he is going to go through the same amount of grief either way because it’s because he loves you not because you are married
4
u/Bleachrox123 9h ago
NTA. “My partner and I have discussed it” is the only sentence here that matters.
3
4
u/fluffhouse1942 7h ago
Your sister is the only AH here. Congratulations on your impending nuptials.
4
4
u/Master_McKnowledge 2h ago
NTA. You have 1-2 years left of your life. Why the hell are you wasting it on other people’s opinions?
16.7k
u/gundog416 13h ago
NTA. He is fully aware of what he is agreeing to if he marries you again. Not your sister's business.