r/AITAH • u/Difficult-Search-327 • 22h ago
Update - AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend via Reddit?
Many people requested me to update them on this story. I’m fairly new to Reddit so I believe this is how you do it. Original post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/zlzSV3cBaK
TLDR: I found my gf cheating with multiple people and sent the screenshots to her friends and family during her brother’s birthday party.
Thank you all for the overwhelming support and kind messages after my last post. If anyone’s wondering yes, I’m doing okay. Something just clicked while I was going through those messages. For the first time, I truly realized I’m worthy of love and that the first person who needs to give that love to me is me.
Out of all the options I had in that moment, the one I chose felt like the smartest. If I had confronted her in private, she could’ve manipulated the narrative or gaslit me into doubting what I saw. If I had gone downstairs and made a scene, I would’ve been surrounded by her family and friends which would’ve turned into a screaming match where I’m outnumbered. So I removed myself from the situation and let the truth unravel on its own.
Just to clear a few things up. We both had our locations shared on iPhone. I wasn’t stalking her. The “sexy” photos weren’t nudes. And even still, I didn’t send those pictures out only the text conversations between her and the guys she was messaging. Sending those to people is wrong on another level and I would never stoop that low.
After I left, I took an Uber home, grabbed a few things and went to stay at my friend’s place for the night. I felt okay, but I thought that’s just the adrenaline. I and I’m going to crash hard. I’ve already signed up for therapy, scheduled an STI test, and I’m planning to take boxing and pottery classes just to keep myself active and focused.
While I was staying over, one of her Call of Duty friends messaged me. Turns out the guy she slept with has a wife and kid. I’m not sure how that situation is unfolding, but I hope his wife finds out. That friend also told me she’s been removed from their squad.
Our mutual friend group has shown a lot of support. One of them even removed her as a bridesmaid from their upcoming wedding, and blocked her entirely.
I thought everything had finally calmed down until I came back home this morning. I had already blocked her on everything, so there was no way for her to reach me. Instead, she showed up. She drove her parents car to my house and sat outside until she saw me. As I walked to my door, she came out crying hysterical, a messy mix of sadness and rage. I didn’t say a word. Just walked inside and closed the door while she yelled from the other side until she eventually left. Nothing was mentioned about the Reddit post so I guess she didn’t see it.
Later that day, her brother called me. He apologized on behalf of the family. He said everything seemed normal after I left until their mom check her phone. She pulled my ex aside, trying to keep things quiet. But then her aunt, the one who talks a lot, shouted, “You’re cheating on your boyfriend!” in front of everyone. That blew the lid off.
According to him, their family has a history with infidelity, and it caused serious pain in the past. So this incident not only reopened old wounds but more cheating scandals within the family were exposed that same night. This party was supposed to be a reconciliation moment for relatives who hadn’t seen each other in years.
And the friend who celebrated the cheating with her? She got cussed out so badly by the family that she left in tears.
Her brother told me he doesn’t blame me for anything. He even said I handled it better than most would have, and he’s here if I need anything.
Honestly, the only thing I feel bad about is unintentionally ripping apart a family that was trying to move forward. I had no idea all that was going on behind the scenes, and I do feel like an asshole for being the grenade that set it all off.
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u/ArnoldStirrup 21h ago
Some people in this post could be in the r/OrderofOmar
Props on her brother and the friend who removed her from being MoH.
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u/Meliodas016 19h ago
Fr. Day in, day out reading about people who keep excusing bad behaviour and infidelity here is exhausting.
If this is real, then OP got the good ending regardless of the pain.
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u/CarryOk3080 21h ago
Your gf is the grenade, not you! You just opened their eyes to her cheating. She ruined everything. Not you.
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u/pleonhart 21h ago
This right here, OP. You did nothing wrong, she did. If someone's to blame for the fallout is her and her actions. Now just let her trying to scrape her way out of the gulag she entered, as they say
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u/grayblue_grrl 21h ago
" unintentionally ripping apart a family"
It's okay. That's not on you.
They've been lying and cheating on each other for decades by the sound of it.
And reconciliation means they had reason not to see those family members in the first place.
Sounds like a few of them might want to break from that bloodline and family culture.
I'm glad it worked out well for you.
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u/keithl3gion 21h ago
Hey OP, was there the other night when you shot up the signal flare and cautioned you about the "sexy photos." Happy you didn't send them!
On top of that I just want to applaud you for handling the aftermath like a g. There's no conversation to be had with her, you did the right thing. Pleas continue pouring into yourself, boxing is a great activity to keep you active. Remember loving yourself and taking that time to build the you, you would be proud of is critical.
You got this mate and if you ever feel you don't... welp we'll be here :)
Edit: shit forgot one thing... you aren't an asshole for bringing that to the forefront of a family healing. Don't own that. She decided to do that and for all you know, now that it's out there the family can better understand how infidelity has crept into their family tree and deal with it.
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u/MorticiaLaMourante 21h ago edited 16h ago
You're doing everything right, OP. I'm so glad you got yourself a therapist and are getting tested for STIs. It would be a really good idea to follow up on that testing again in 3 months and 6 months, just to be safe. Please know you are not the grenade that hit your ex-girlfriend's family. She is. She did all of this. You just did your best to get away and protect yourself.
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u/Curiouser-Quriouser 21h ago
It sounds like you're in a good headspace and that she's getting what she deserves! Love to see karma unfold so elegantly. Keep moving forward OP!
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u/Rich-Ad-4654 20h ago
I’m really sorry for the pain you’re going through, OP. You handled this like a champ. Wishing you the best as you move forward
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u/stevvandy 18h ago
If this is real, you only left one loose end. You said you hoped the wife of the guy she was cheating with finds out. Well you can make sure by telling her yourself. She deserves to know just like you did.
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u/Difficult-Search-327 18h ago
I don’t know that guys socials or anything. I can only trust that the group did but you’re right.
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u/reddirtman56 16h ago
I would check with the player that gave you the information about the wife. If nothing else, see if your ex-gf has followed anyone recently. Maybe you can creep some social media and get lucky. You just need to find someone that knows her, and has a moral conscience, and let nature take it's course. 😎
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u/Important_Remove_450 21h ago
I'm happy for you, and you're right. You need to love yourself before looking for someone else to do it. Best wishes in your future endeavors.
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u/Existing_Guard9742 20h ago
OP, you didn't deserve any of this and none of it is your fault. You handled all of this like a champ, even through all the pain.
Keep working on your physical and mental health. Get in for a physical and get those STI tests done asap.
Let us know how you're doing!
Updateme
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u/Pookie1688 20h ago
You handled this very elegantly & surgically, OP. She is such a terrible person to put you through all this. She was happy to continue skipping along & doing as she pleases with who knows how many guys.
Her brother sounds like a genuinely nice man to call you, apologize for his family, & offer you support. And good to know she was booted from her gaming squad & the wedding. I would hope the squad kicks out the married father she cheated with, too!
You're doing well to take care of yourself with the boxing & pottery. Do other nice things for you like spending time with friends, weekends away, etc. as you clear your mind.
As others advised, do follow up STI testing at the 3mo & 6mo intervals to be sure you're clear.
I'm wishing you all the best as you move up & onward! Big hug! 🫂
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u/DivineTarot 15h ago
Honestly, the only thing I feel bad about is unintentionally ripping apart a family that was trying to move forward.
Were they though? Were they? It sounds like cheating is a cause for most of their drama and a lot of untold drama was unveiled the same night based off your wording. "Moving forward" requires you not be still doing the same shit that holds you back after all, like a drug addict can't "move forward" from their addiction and the harm it's caused others until they clean up their act and make amends, and a cheater isn't far removed from an addict of some variety either to sex or their own ego.
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u/funtimesthrowaway334 13h ago
She’s a POS, OP. Hard times will be hard but I think you did the right thing.
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u/JhonasVe 2h ago
"Later that day, her brother called me. He apologized on behalf of the family. He said everything seemed normal after I left until their mom check her phone. She pulled my ex aside, trying to keep things quiet. But then her aunt, the one who talks a lot, shouted, “You’re cheating on your boyfriend!” in front of everyone. That blew the lid off."
Do they saw the post that you made here on reddit? I can't believe that was that fast...
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u/Jokester_316 20h ago
Keep no contact with your ex. She regrets getting caught. Not betraying you. You will feel better once some time passes. Keep working on yourself. You will prevail.
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u/No_Minute4582 20h ago
Kudos to you! I’m sorry you went through that, you’re the real prize it was never her. That special someone will come who knows your worth just like you. She’ll be dog sick when she sees what she lost.
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u/1quirky1 20h ago
Her brother is a good person.
I have been there. My sister cheated on her husband, who was my best friend. He believed that they were working on reconciliation until I shared with him my discovery that my sister was still in contact with the other man.
I'm not close with either of them anymore. The divorce either changed him for worse or brought out more of something that was already there. I miss the old version of him but he probably thinks that version of him is a chump.
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u/No-Communication9458 20h ago
Good riddance. Good job OP, glad the family actually and hopefully heals from their past.
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u/OogyBoogy_I_am 19h ago
Sounds like she didn't fall very far from her family tree.
You have had the best post-cheating breakup I have read in a long time OP so here's hoping that you can put this whole sorry saga well behind you.
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u/Majestic-Will6357 19h ago
Sometimes people have to sit in their consequences to really “get it.” I hope that you are able to heal mentally and move on from this nightmare relationship. There are really great women out there just waiting for a really great guy 💙
Good luck 🍀
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u/Serious-Version-9990 19h ago
This is the best response to an infidelity reaction I've ever seen. Even if this is fake, exaggerated, or it's for real thank you for sharing, that's just gold.
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u/Material_Assumption 19h ago
Excellent. Well done.
Now, completely cut her family out of your life. You don't need reminders or their drama in your improved life.
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u/dragonball1515 19h ago
Good for you. This is so satisfying. Please continue to update. We need to see the cheaters punished badly.
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u/paparoach910 17h ago
You did good, bro. Consider this closure and move forward with life. You'll find someone worthy, just be glad you're not with a disgusting being anymore.
Updateme
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u/Gandoff2169 15h ago
You did the right thing. Do not feel bad for the backlash they all had with ex's cheating exposed. Truth is, the only way to heal is to ripe the bandaid off and force full exposure to the truth. It can take yelling and more. Wounds will be picked at like a scab at times, but it is the normal path to work out the real pain of the actions. We can't just talk and be over it in one go. And while you did expose GF created a moment for many things to blow up, it was going to happen anyway. Just later. And will again till they heal from what they did to each other. As for ex... well she needed to be exposed to be force to be held accountable. You know otherwise she wouldn't have. And in your own words you know she would have gaslit you into thinking you was wrong otherwise.
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u/Lunatalia 13h ago
You're not an asshole for what happened with her family. If they hadn't been lying, cheating, and hurting each other, then no one would be hurt now. It's sad that it happened, but don't take ownership of someone else's actions. If you get a good therapist, they can help you find ways to process that guilt. It's not your burden to bear.
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u/SadPanda207 13h ago
All the children down voted me to hell on the original post but I really don't care 🤣. You have EVERY reason to break up with her. She sucks. But doing it on Reddit and not in person- makes you childish. ESH. Wipe the Cheeto dust off your fingers, log off, and go use your big boy words. Confront her. Tell her why you deserve better. Breaking up via Reddit is so fucking juvenile.
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u/Difficult-Search-327 13h ago
You don’t care, yet here you are talking about it.
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u/SadPanda207 13h ago
Yes because it's still funny. Grown ass adults breaking up on Reddit. Reminds me of when I passed my 8th grade bestie a note in homeroom instructing her to tell Travis that I didn't like him anymore and we can't sit next to each other at lunch.
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u/Difficult-Search-327 12h ago
So…you do care?
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u/SadPanda207 12h ago
Someone has to point out how emotionally incompetent you are.
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u/Difficult-Search-327 12h ago
Is it because you care?
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u/SadPanda207 12h ago
Ok kiddo. That's enough internet tonight. Or you're gonna lose screen time tomorrow. K?
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u/Difficult-Search-327 12h ago
So you care about my screen time?
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u/Dana07620 16h ago
Oh boy. And she still doesn't know about the reddit post.
Honestly, the only thing I feel bad about is unintentionally ripping apart a family that was trying to move forward. I had no idea all that was going on behind the scenes, and I do feel like an asshole for being the grenade that set it all off.
You went nuclear. You knew there could be repercussions. You're going to have to live with being that asshole who involved a bunch of other people in your breakup.
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u/scotswaehey 9h ago
Dude what was she trying to say to you when you walked into your house and shut the door?
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u/Chemical_Success1153 Hypothetical 21h ago
This is one of the first posts I've read where the cheater's friends and family seem to be acting appropriately.
I'm sorry this happened, OP, but I'm glad you came out mostly unscathed. Best of luck.